


A Higher Place

by cielmelodies



Series: Of Teas and Alcohol (Wonderland) [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alice in Wonderland References, Alternate Universe - Alice in Wonderland Fusion, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Dreams vs. Reality, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Museums, Nonsense Logic, Reference to Art, Strange things, Teasing, Wall Sex, cocktails, near-drowning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-01-27 03:26:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 62,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12572712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cielmelodies/pseuds/cielmelodies
Summary: In a Wonderland they lie, / dreaming as the days go by, / dreaming as the summers die: / Ever drifting down the stream – / Lingering in the golden gleam – / Life, what is it but a dream?Sometimes, there is no sense in making sense of reality.(Rating has increased from Chapter 4 /Alternative summary: Bored with life, Jun encounters a strange bar that goes by a second name of Wonderland...)





	1. How doth the little crocodile

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Wonderland!AU that is smooshed with a TeaCocktailBar!Setting. That is to say, expect detailed descriptions of cocktails and wonderland logic (that is, nonsense logic).
> 
> The wonderful [eggrater](https://twitter.com/eggrater/status/958170929804197888) made a fic graphic for A Higher Place <3.
> 
>   
> 

**Chapter 1: How doth the little crocodile**   


++  
  
When Shun gives Jun the location of SerendipiTea, Jun expects to find a chic-looking cafe-bar, especially given its fairly cute, pun-ny name. Instead, Jun is greeted by a plain-looking apartment building in Kita-Otsuka, tucked into a quiet corner and hidden away from the bustling streets of Toshima-ku. The three-storey building looks fairly unassuming, including the quiet stairway that leads up to the second floor where the bar is located at.   
  
The place is so average-looking that Jun nearly misses the building entirely. He spends at least 10 minutes staring at the GPS on his phone, and nearly gives up his search had it not been for his desperate need for some alcohol. The day hasn’t necessarily been a hard one - Jun and his team has managed to finalize the layout for the next magazine, but obtaining the articles by the prescribed deadline was next to impossible. Jun doesn’t want to remember how many calls he had to make in the past week, but he is glad that a publishing cycle is finally over.  
  
A tiny part of Jun wants to return to his apartment and sleep, but a vast majority of his being balks at the idea of going home without alcohol in his system today. Jun’s blood is still rushing from the adrenal rush of completing a cycle with all its typical obstacles, and with no work left to occupy his mind, memories, boredom and loneliness reassume their normal positions.  
  
Shun merely provided Jun with the name and address, claiming that Jun will enjoy the atmosphere of the bar. “It’s never too loud, and the bartenders know their drinks. I think you’ll like the atmosphere.” Shun explained as he had texted the address to Jun. “If they ask, just tell them I referred you.”   
  
The plain atmosphere surrounding the building disappears completely when Jun peeks into the stairwell, and Jun is almost compelled to take a tentative step forward. Warm light bathes the small hallway in patches of yellow, beckoning Jun further up the stairs. It is quite unexplainable, in hindsight - the building itself seems to hide the location of the bar, but once Jun sees the path to the entrance, there is no way Jun can turn away. Even as he reaches the end of the stairwell and is greeted by a door decorated with stained glass panels, Jun merely admires the custom glasswork for a few seconds, running his fingers on the motif of teacups and card-suits, before pushing the door.   
  
The heaviness of the door surprises Jun. He grunts quietly when he manages the wooden door open, forehead pinched, but calmly ducks his head at the bartenders once he shuts the door behind him.   
  
SerendipiTea is not what Jun expected. He had expected brightness, a ‘hipster’-esque environment to accompany the name, but Jun is pleasantly greeted by an elegant bar, decorated with dark oak wood. There is only one other customer at this time besides him, and two bartenders behind the counter, one of which approaches him as Jun takes a seat at the counter.   
  
“Welcome to SerendipiTea. I’m Ohno, and I will be serving you today.” The sleepy-looking bartender bows towards Jun, before offering a wet towel and placing a checkered coaster in front of Jun. Ohno’s attire is a prim, navy-coloured oxford shirt, as well as a light blue bow-tie paired with black pants and waistcoat; Jun is surprised that the dress code does not seem to be a uniform one - the other bartender is wearing a pale yellow shirt and a vermillion ribbon tie, wiping cocktail glasses while speaking to the other customer in the bar.   
  
Despite the quietness of the room, it is virtually impossible to hear what the man says that sends the other bartender into soft peals of laughter. The man’s appearance is hard to make out - in the dimly lit bar, the shadows seem to converge on him, hiding his appearance from the world. Jun can only make out a set of full lips, dark hair and a strong, handsome jaw that instantly draws his attention. Jun forces himself to look away, before he is caught staring. Ohno seems unfazed, slowly wiping the glasses in front of him in a slow but steady pace. Jun hands the wet towel back to Ohno with a brief nod of thanks.   
  
“What would you like to drink this evening?”  
  
It only occurs to Jun right then that the lower shelves behind the counter are lined with identical glass teapots, filled with liquid of different colours. The arrangements of teapots beneath two shelves of alcohol bottles seem incongruous, but appropriate, Jun decides, given the name of the bar. “This is my first time here so… perhaps I will leave the first drink to you.” Jun comments neutrally, watching as Ohno merely nods, slowly fetching a double walled glass teacup from behind the counter and placing it on the coaster.  
  
Jun misses the quick glance that is directed towards them from the other side of the room.   
  
“Is there any tea that you prefer? We have a wide variety, sourced out from all over the world.” Ohno explains, and gestures at the wall of teapots. There are too many, unfortunately, and Jun finds himself slightly bewildered at the foreign names. Some teapots even have flowers in them, and one especially purple, others red. Many have exotic names that Jun is curious about, but given that it is his first drink here, Jun chooses a safe option, something familiar and less… toxic looking than the blue tea sitting on the far right shelf.   
  
“Houjicha.”  
  
He receives a short bow as a reply, and notes with pleasant surprise that there is even a pot of gyokuro tea next to the teapot that Ohno fetches. They seem to even have the rare ones, and Jun makes a note to order something unique if he is impressed with the first drink.   
  
Despite the sleepy expression, Ohno’s movements are precise and graceful as he drops a large block of clear ice into the tea-cup and another into a cocktail shaker. He works silently, deftly pouring out a measure of whisky and squeezing half a yuzu - this bar is filled with so many strange surprises - into a jigger, then into the shaker. He caps and whips up the shaker in a steady hand movement that Jun traces with his eyes, an entrancing presentation that only reminds Jun why he likes going to bars on quiet evenings like this one. It is a feast for all the senses.   
  
When Jun is presented the finished cocktail, he has to admit that Shun has good taste, slowly sipping the cold tea in surprise. The taste and smell of the cocktail is relatively innocuous, smelling strongly of yuzu-chuhai, but clearly far stronger than the typical supermarket cocktails. “This...has a floral scent to it.”   
  
Ohno nods as he returns the teapot to its former position. “Most of our teas are infused with a secondary element to enhance the taste, barring the herbal teas. Is the drink to your liking?”   
  
“It is very good.” Jun commends, and lets the silence ring between them. Once shaken with the whisky and juice, the tea becomes cloudy, and seems to bubble and froth against Jun’s palate. The combination is very interesting, highly untraditional, but Jun appreciates the lightness of its flavour on his tongue.   
  
“You look like someone who has had a tiring time.” Ohno softly comments after a moment. Jun sharply looks up, but as with most bartenders, the statement is merely an observation, Ohno not even bothering to return Jun’s look as he distractedly wipes a set of coupe glasses. Nevertheless, Jun narrows his eyes, turning away slightly. In the corner of his eye, he sees the other bartender pouring a finger of whiskey for the mysterious customer. They keep up a quiet stream of conversation, but for some unknown, peculiar reason, Jun feels mildly frustrated that he cannot see the other man.   
  
“It’s actually been a fairly light day for me.”   
  
“I wasn’t referring to your day.”   
  
Jun exhales softly, and gives a slow nod. He is not the type to trust easily, yet there is something about the atmosphere, and about Ohno that makes Jun more open. Perhaps it is the alcohol as well. “You are not wrong.”   
  
“This bar is a good place to take a break from the world.” Ohno says, and Jun has to crack a smile - it sounds like a means for advertisement, but Ohno is serious, his gaze almost reading into Jun’s soul. “You were referred here by someone?”   
  
Jun nods. “A colleague of mine. Oguri Shun.”   
  
There is recognition in Ohno’s eyes at Shun’s name, but he does not smile. Instead, there is something in Ohno’s voice that sends a stream of nervousness down Jun’s spine, despite the neutrality in his face. “Did he mention that this bar had a second name?” Jun can neither claim that Ohno is challenging him, nor being threatening, yet Jun shivers. It is not merely Ohno that seems to be prodding into Jun’s mind and drawing out his anxiety - no - there is more than one pair of eyes anticipating his answer, an invisible audience making Jun strangely agitated. The sensation of being watched is not uncomfortable, merely disconcerting.  
  
“N-no.”   
  
The tense atmosphere vanishes in an instant, but Jun feels oddly bereft. Unconsciously, he notes the soft sound of a bar chair being pushed away from the counter, followed by the muffled steps of shoes against the wooden flooring. Jun is tempted to look at the mysterious man as he walks by, but something motivates Jun not to do so, body tensing as the stranger passes behind him. A deep luscious smell of roasted cocoa beans - bitter, concentrated chocolate - wafts past Jun’s nose, and he inhales instinctively.  
  
 _Dark. Delicious._  
  
Jun raises his cup to drain the remaining dregs of tea-alcohol to distract himself, but the light-sour drink suddenly feels awkward and disturbing against savoury smell that is imprinted deeply in his mind. He misses the quick look that is exchanged between the bartenders, and is surprised when he looks up to see two bartenders in front of him, rather than just Ohno. Graced with a cheshire grin, the thin man rests his arms on the counter and looks up at Jun curiously; Jun merely leans away, eyes wide in discomfort. Next to him, Ohno says nothing, the boyish smile returning as he pours Jun a glass of water and takes away his empty teacup.  
  
The stare-off lasts only for a few seconds. When the bold bartender once again stands straight, he says nothing, nor waits for Jun’s response as he fetches the deep blue tea Jun noticed earlier, a bottle of Gin, Cointreau and amaretto liqueur. He lines them up neatly in front of Jun, hazel eyes twinkling in friendliness, before finally asking, “So, what’s your name? I’m guessing Oh-chan here didn’t ask.”  
  
His hands are small, but quick as he fetches what appears to be tiny limes, and skillfully shaves a neat and thin section of its peel, before slicing the limes into two. Jun’s attention is instantly drawn to the way Nino twirls the glass bottle in his hand, flipping the amaretto liqueur bottle casually as he grins to Jun and pours it into the metal shaker, not even bothering to use a jigger. His bartending style is distinguishable from Ohno’s, full of grandiose movements like a magician with his card tricks even as he presses the limes into the shaker. Jun doesn’t miss the fact that the deep blue tea is still sitting innocently and untouched, but he states his name without an hesitation anyway. “Jun.”   
  
“Jun-pon.” The bartender repeats with slow nod, dropping a large block of cold ice into the shaker before capping it with an indiscernible finger movement. “Ninomiya Kazunari, at your service. Please call me Nino.” He bows neatly, before swiftly shaking the cocktail.   
  
“Please call me Jun.” Jun echoes, voice strained, but Nino’s grin merely widens.   
  
“Sure thing, Jun-pon.”   
  
Ohno simply lets out a small laugh at their exchange, filling up one of the coupe glasses he had just dried with crushed ice and filling it midway with the tea. The blueness of the liquid is startlingly pretty in the soft lighting, the crushed ice glinting like sparkles against the cerulean tea - it looks so tempting to drink, but at the same time, unreal. “This is a tisane brewed from butterfly pea. It’s interesting because now it’s blue,” Ohno explains softly as he pushes it towards to Nino, “but when you add something sour…”   
  
Jun watches in rapture as Nino pours the mixture into the glass - and forces himself to not gape as the blue bleeds into a deep purple.   
  
“This drink is called ‘Bliss’. Our chief mixologist insists on naming it ‘Drink Me!’ but that’s not happening.” Nino explains as he lights a match and holds it in front of the lime peel. In a sharp action, he squeezes the peel and causes a bright spark atop the purple cocktail, lightly brushing the flamed peel around the outer edges of the coupe glass. “Most people drink it as is, but there is an optional ingredient that we only add if they are… for the lack of a better word, in knowledge of a secret phrase.”   
  
“The second name of the bar is Wonderland, isn’t it?” Jun interjects, lightly processing the exotic citrus smell - those tiny limes are not limes, Jun realizes. The smell is more fruity and sweeter than that of limes, citrons or lemons, and his fingers twitch to try the drink. “Alice in Wonderland…”   
  
“Do you feel like you are in Wonderland, Jun?” Ohno asks softly, pushing the drink forward. “Are you bewildered, confused?”   
  
Jun certainly feels like an Alice in this bar: All these strange questions, studying gazes, as though testing him. He takes a sip of Bliss, and exhales deeply at the burn that settles in his throat from the strong alcoholic content. The cocktail holds an almost herbal scent. “Why do you ask such questions?”  
  
“Why is the raven like a writing desk?” Nino asks in return, and Jun recognizes that if he wasn’t slightly filled with alcohol, he would have been extremely irritated. He has, after all, done his bachelor’s thesis on literature comparisons, and of all things, is aware of the nature of Wonderland’s ‘logic’ - or rather, the lack thereof.   
  
“That question is nonsense, and was meant to be illogical when it was written. You haven’t answered my question.”   
  
“I’ll answer your question if you give my question a shot.” Nino presses, hand suddenly twirling what appears to be a small bottle of bitters. “It doesn’t have to be right, even.”   
  
“There is no answer to that question. The function of it is to confuse readers by having no answer. It possesses the same premise of drawing treacle out of a treacle well!” Jun presses, but looks on in confusion when Nino trades a look with Ohno as he unstoppers the bottle.   
  
This time, it is Ohno who asks Jun, “Would you like to be proven wrong?”   
  
All of these strange questions - Jun doesn’t understand. A tiny part of him feels frustrated at the situation; how much confusion is he supposed to be able to deal with? This wasn’t what he had expected when he entered SerendipiTea (or Wonderland, whichever name they prefer to use), but the unreadable expression that is directed towards him makes Jun baffled… and he fairly dislikes obscurity. ‘No - there is no way for me to be proven wrong.’ is what Jun wishes to say, but simultaneously… Is there really a way for him to be proven wrong? What exactly do the two of them mean? What is the significance of the little bottle there, that ‘optional’ ingredient Nino professes to exist only for an exclusive clientele? Jun clearly does not know whatever ‘secret’ they are referring to. Is there a reason for their particular interest?  
  
“Did Shun put you up to this? Toma? Someone I know?” Jun forces out, eyes flickering momentarily to the bottle, and to his cocktail. Glittering purple, beautiful, yet appearing so potentially toxic and _thrilling._ “This drink was made for me after I told you I did not know what the second name of the bar was. I clearly don’t know the ‘secret phrase’, but you’re offering that to me, and I don’t even know what _that_ is.”   
  
“No one is making you do anything, nor did anyone ‘put us up’ to this.” Nino corrects sharply. “You’re right. You practically failed question 1, but here’s the deal: He’s made an exception for you.”   
  
_“He?”_ Jun gulps, instantly thinking of the dark figure that has left behind the heady aroma. Jun is so curious about the man, and he doesn’t understand why, but Jun wonders what is this feeling of anticipation that pools in his stomach at the thought of having earned the attention of said mysterious man. Such a feeling is not new, but unfamiliar. Jun has not reacted this way towards anyone for months, and yet here he is, excited over the prospect of meeting a man he has not even been able to see clearly. But it is not the appearance that draws Jun, of course - there is something about his aura… “Who is he?”  
  
“The one who was just here, of course. Weren’t you staring at him?” Nino comments neutrally. Jun blushes instantly, taking a sip of his water to stop himself from saying something foolish. Thankfully, Ohno and Nino seem uninterested in Jun’s reaction. “So, we were saying, do you want to be proven wrong or not?”   
  
Jun does not respond.   
  
Nino’s words are lazy, but they convince Jun. “You’ll be able to meet him again, you know. Probably. Although I wouldn’t particularly recommend it. ”   
  
Perhaps Jun should wonder how a secret ‘ingredient’ can let him meet this elusive stranger, or how it may ‘prove’ him wrong; he does not know what possessed him to nod in all seriousness, watching the small drop of red drip onto his Bliss. The scent of chocolate once again surrounds Jun as the crimson liquid disperses into the purple cocktail, but Jun is surprised when he takes a sip of the new cocktail and finds no change to its taste.   
  
Not even a single wiff of decadence… Nothing happens.   
  
He is oddly disappointed; but he should have known that things do not work instantly or miraculously, nor he actually verify what exactly he is getting into. “No point has been pr—”   
  
“Tell us that the next time you come here. No, it’s not a scam to make you return to this bar.” Nino interrupts, grin fading into a smirk. “Makes me wonder if you’ll even be able to stay away, Jun-pon.”   
  
Even with the friendliness Nino is imbuing, Jun cannot help but feel uneasy.   
  
++   
It does not come as a surprise to Jun that the business of SerendipiTea (or Wonderland) picks up only after 8. Frankly, Jun had entered the bar at an ‘early’ time for alcohol drinking, and on a wednesday, no less, but his schedule allowed him to do so, and admittedly, he does enjoy the presence of Ohno and Nino once they pass over the initial quirkiness. Shun is right - Ohno and Nino do know their drinks, and more than that - once Jun got over the fact that he had to ask them directly, instead of waiting for an explanation.   
  
Naturally, the two flit away to serve other customers, leaving Jun alone to nurse his warm cup of gyokuro tea in contemplative silence. Around him, the noise in the bar only reaches a soft buzz, never too noisy or rowdy despite the decent number of patrons walking in and out of the bar. There is the occasional loud laughter when Nino says something funny, or a sound of impressed fascination when Nino throws a bottle of bitters across the counter to Ohno, who catches it with deadly accuracy, but with an expression of great boredom - but Jun agrees with Shun: He likes the atmosphere.  
  
There’s something else Jun notices, but chooses not to ask nor clarify with either of the bartenders: during the entire duration and even with the regular flow of customers, never once did Jun see Bliss being made for anyone. Even the fancy Pousse-style mix, as elaborate as it is, did not garner the decadently-scented ingredient. Jun would know; he can probably recognize and smell that luscious aroma anywhere now.   
  
But that merely adds to Jun’s puzzlement. What is this drink that is supposed to ‘prove him wrong’, what exactly is it - this bar - trying to prove, and most importantly… how?  
  
“Alice.” A pair of short fingers snap in front of Jun’s distracted vision, and Jun nearly falls out of his seat in startlement. He catches himself, however, and levels an annoyed glare towards Nino, who looks by no means apologetic. “You’ve been staring into space for a while now.”  
  
“Just thinking.” Jun shakes his head, and checks his watch for the time, surprised when he sees that he has been in the bar for over 2 hours, with only the company of Nino and Ohno. “I should head back then. Can I have the bill?” He proceeds to take out his wallet, but freezes when Nino merely smiles congenially at him and informs him that his bill has already been settled.   
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Just for today, of course. First visit, drinks on the house.”   
  
Somehow, Jun gets the feeling that Nino is lying. Despite the friendly smile, Jun suspects the mystery customer - or owner? - has something to do with Jun’s settled bill, and Nino is choosing not to tell Jun so as to not scare him. Or perhaps Jun is just overthinking. He is especially prone to doing so, people have told him. Nevertheless, he retrieves two thousand-yen bills from his wallet and places them on the counter. “A tip then.” And not a challenge to his ‘benefactor’,   
  
“They’re always welcome.” Nino smirks, “I wish you a good night, Jun-pon, and sweet dreams.”  
  
 _Sweet dreams._  
  
++  
Jun’s nightly routine is exactly what it is - a routine, monotonous and repetitive the moment he reaches home. He arranges his shoes neatly in the genkan, drops his keys in the small vase on top of the shoe cabinet and takes a moment to mist his bonsai. Once that is done, Jun will spend at least an hour in the bathroom, soaking in the tub until his fingers and toes prune from the water, thinking about what he has to do during the weekend, worrying about the next set of inept writers that is sure to add overtime to his working hours the following week. When he finally emerges out of the lukewarm bath, he is usually already half-asleep, and he manages to pen down about a hundred words for his monthly editor’s column about Japanese culture, literature, or whatever the theme is that month.   
  
Mundane, _boring._  
  
Not today, however.  
  
When Jun gets back to his apartment, he maintains the same routine down to the hour long bath, but his head whirls. Not with magazine layouts, instead, the memory of SerendipiTea replays itself in his mind, starting with the heady scent of bitter chocolate that is so deeply imprinted in Jun’s mind. Even as Jun closes his eyes, he can almost smell it all over again, while the sounds of glass clinking and cocktail mixing play in the dark recesses of his mind, the soft basal murmur of the bar.   
  
_Bliss._ The colour of deep crimson, dissolving into the vibrant purple.  
  
When he opens his eyes, Jun is only mildly disappointed to see the cream-coloured walls of his bathroom. Back in reality. He does not bother to pen down the hundred words for his monthly column - the topic this month is the effects of literature and fantasy on bending reality, and Jun has had enough of that today. Instead, he switches off his heater and sets it to switch on automatically in 7 hours, and crawls underneath his soft blankets.   
  
His head touches the pillow, and he falls.   
  
++  
Everyone has an inherent fear of falling. One may not necessarily have to be afraid of heights in order to have this fear - basophobia - for it is a natural instinct deeply ingrained in natural creatures. Fall, and one risks death - hardly the most desirable fate one would wish to have.   
  
Yet here Jun is, asleep yet… falling.   
  
Down, down…  
  
Jun’s eyes snap open, and he nearly shouts at the abyssal tunnel that unfolds in front of him, or rather, right under him. A deep, dark tunnel that keeps on going… The prospect of dying befalls Jun momentarily, but he swallows the desire to scream, eyes focusing on nothing (or everything - who knows what resides in the inky darkness) as Jun forces himself to take a deep breath.   
  
_What?_  
  
Jun never had an interest in physics while he was in school, but he is certain that when one is free-falling, it shouldn’t be this easy to inhale. And air resistance is an established scientific concept, isn’t it? Yet as Jun sucks in air greedily to calm his frightened nerves, he registers that there is no rush of air where there should be; there is only weightlessness and instinctive knowledge that he _is_ falling. No matter how hard Jun tries to put his feet underneath him, there is the oxymoronic heavy awareness of weightlessness. It’s almost as if he is falling through a vacuum, a dark galaxy without stars.   
  
Jun should be frightened; but strangely enough, he isn’t. Or rather, there is too much - or maybe, too little - going on around him to process a single emotion for him to feel intensely. There is one thing for certain, he is falling(?) and he cannot see anything around him, not even his hand in front of him. (Is he even wearing clothes?) Jun is suddenly reminded that as a child, he was afraid of the dark, but over the years he learnt that there is nothing looming in the dark, nothing that goes bump in the night or lurks beneath his bed or in the shadows of his closet.   
  
Just as he thinks of this, a tiny flicker of light catches his gaze in his not-a-free-fall state, and a giggle bubbles up in his throat, soft, with just a touch of hysterics.   
  
It’s only a candle. Screwed onto the black wall that is this apparent tunnel, yet the speed at which it passes Jun - or rather, Jun passes it - is oddly slow. So slow that even as his eyes trace the unhurried rise of its illumination, he can see the exact moment more candles light up beneath him. Like tendrils of flames stretching out from the walls to grab Jun.   
  
_Pretty._  
  
The lustre suddenly intensifies beneath Jun, and he watches with budding curiosity what could be at the bottom. The red glow grows wider with every second, but it looks cozy, Jun thinks dazedly; warm, inviting, and probably more comfortable than this floating-fall state he is in. He is so tired after all.   
  
A bead of sweat trickles down his temple - he can see it, with all the flickering flames around him. This tunnel is getting warmer - hot, even, too hot. The glow beneath him approaches a luminosity that is starting to hurt Jun’s eyes, and just as he prepares to shut them from the glare, he realizes that the glow is not uniform - it flutters, sometimes brighter and one spot, and then dimmer than the other.  
  
Like _flames._  
  
This time, Jun does scream.  
  
++  
“...We have a new a visitor, Ni—” A lanky man pauses mid-bite as one of his green feelers twitch. He looks down from where he is perched above his smaller, quieter companion.   
  
“Use the right name, Caterpillar. Remember where we are.”   
  
“Right, nearly forgot. Visitor, Cheshire - the orientation?”  
  
The smaller man sighs, and pockets the electronic game console in his blazer jacket before looking irritably at his associate. “I don’t see why I have to do it. I’m surprised he made it through the fall - he failed all of the tests, no less.”   
  
“You really shouldn’t doubt _his_ choice, Cheshire.”  
  
“I’m not doubting _his_ choice, I’m doubting his _choice._ ”   
  
++  
He hates planes. It isn’t because of the height, even though he admittedly is acrophobic - but rather, the whole concept of being in flight makes his skin itch. The food is passable and other passengers quiet - as expected from being in a business class seat - but even with red-eye flights, there is always that irritating, rumbling hum of engines, permanently loud in his ears even as he draws his headphones over his ears.   
  
_‘Your tea, sir. Chamomile.’_ The air stewardess says - or he thinks that is what she says; the headphones work well enough to muffle her voice - as she lowers a steaming, porcelain cup of lightly coloured tea in front of him. The liquid looks like honey under the cabin lights, but he knows it won’t taste as exquisite as the one he has in SerendipiTea. That one, after all, he sourced out directly from fields in Croatia. This one, however…  
  
When the stewardess leaves, he retrieves the small mint tin from his laptop bag, and stares at the Altoids embossed on the heavy metal contemplatively. He carefully slides the lid open, mouth settled in a frown as he stares at the round capsules sitting innocuously within the tin, its crimson contents beckoning him.   
  
He could take one tonight, and he wouldn’t have to deal with the remaining 10 hours of flight time…  
  
But then again, he’ll let them introduce _Alice_ into the inner workings of Wonderland first. Only after that, he’ll make his presence known. No reason to scare him away so quickly. 


	2. Improve his shining tail

**Chapter 2: Improve his shining tail**   
  
_~This time, Jun does scream. // No reason to scare him away so quickly.~_

  
++  
A cool breeze teases Jun’s bare feet, and he jerks, tucking his knees into his chest instinctively. Beneath him, the soft grass crackles from his weight and movement, and the scent of tea wafts into his nose, like a perfectly brewed cup of kocha.  
  
Tea? _Grass?_  
  
Jun wrenches his eyes open, scrabbling into an upright position as he looks around frantically - where is he? And… _what is he wearing?_ Jun blanches, stretching out his hands and looking perplexedly at his attire. He is clad in a soft cotton shirt that looks normal - the mandarin collar is unbuttoned so as to not choke him, but it is the vest he is wearing that makes him wonder if he had been on his way to a costume party - the royal purple silk looks very flattering, but the sheer amount of rainbow-coloured card-suit embellishments on the fabric only makes Jun feel self-conscious with how gaudy he must look.  
  
And of course, there is the issue of his shoes. Or rather, the lack of them.  
  
“Hello, Alice.” A familiar, bright voice whispers directly into Jun’s ear. The breath that accompanies the sudden greeting is icy cold, sending instant shivers down Jun’s spine, and he jerks, yelping loudly and hurriedly scrambling backwards in shock. His back hits something firm but soft, surface slightly furry. Jun does not bother to figure out what he is currently leaning against, not when there are bigger issues at hand.  
  
There is no one near him.  
  
“H-Hello?” Jun hesitantly replies, eyes sweeping from left to right in frantic fear as he processes his surroundings - are those _giant mushrooms?_ Is he sitting underneath a _giant shiitake mushroom?_ \- in search of the source of said voice. “Is-is someone there?”  
  
“Oh, don’t sound so frightened now.” This time the voice comes from above Jun, slightly distanced this time, muffled by the mushroom cap. “I promise I come in peace. Come out now, I’ve made myself visible.”  
  
Jun swallows thickly - the voice does sound very familiar, and very friendly. But did he just say he made himself _visible?_ His hands tremble slightly in uncertainty as Jun stands slowly, gripping the hairs of the giant mushroom stem to balance himself as blood rushes down to his feet. Even with the lack of light beneath the wide cap, there is still a healthy amount of grass growing, almost downy in texture against the soles of his feet as Jun tests them with his first step.  
  
“I’ll be waiting up here. Go on, come out, there’s nothing here that will hurt you.” The voice continues, breaking the silence as Jun takes tentative steps forward, towards the edge of the mushroom cap. Despite the bewildering environment Jun finds himself in, he appreciates how the stranger (friend?) fills the silence with dialogue, even if Jun himself isn’t being very forthcoming with speech. He doesn’t know what to say, how to respond, nor even what to make of this situation. But one thing is for certain…  
  
This isn’t a normal place.  
  
The mushroom should have given it away, but still, Jun isn’t expecting to see an actual canopy of mushrooms opening up before him as he steps out of the shade that is his shiitake mushroom. “What the — Where am I?” Jun mutters to himself as he walks further away from where he awoke from, eyes wide in fearful fascination. The ‘forest’ cover consists of various types of gigantic mushrooms, some towering over the others and allowing gaps within the canopy to let in sunlight. Even the shiitake mushroom he had woken up under is at least the height of a 2-floor apartment building in Tokyo, but it is small in comparison to the towering morels that is - what - 20 metres tall. It is with relief and slight disappointment that Jun notes how the sky - or rather, the sky that is visible to Jun’s eye - is a typical light blue colour and he sighs.  
  
Has he fallen into wonderland?  
  
“Alice~” A mouth blows cold breath in Jun’s ear again, and Jun instinctively flinches backwards. Before Jun can even shout in surprise, his eyes widen, and mouth falls unflatteringly open in recognition of the man in front of him.  
  
“Nino?”  
  
The short man smiles his signature cheshire grin, wide and gummy as Nino merely raises his eyebrows and runs his tongue against the ridge of his teeth.  
  
...Or are those… Fangs? Jun takes a step back at the sight of sharp canines glinting at him, but Nino anticipates the action, taking an equivalent step forward to maintain their distance. Despite his unfriendly-looking teeth, Nino’s eyes are benevolent, holding the same recognizable spark and trickiness that Jun recalls. At least those features of Nino’s are constant, as for the rest of him… they are less so. Jun had thought his own clothing was gaudy, but next to Nino, Jun must look normal, especially given the garish yellow top-hat that is perched on Nino’s head, coupled with the white-yellow striped blazer he is wearing. With his hair dyed blond, the colour combination invites only a grimace from Jun’s end; Jun would have associated him with those old-fashioned popcorn sellers, if not for the pair of furry cat ears present on his blond hair, and striped purple tail flickering innocuously behind him.  
  
“The name’s Cheshire, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland.” Nino (Cheshire-Nino) reaches up to grab his top hat by the brim with a deft hand, and swings it downwards and across his chest as he bows exaggeratedly. “I hope you weren’t too frightened on the way down. Unfortunately, we don’t have a lot of control of that part.”  
  
Jun merely stares, and Cheshire-Nino stares back. His pupils are slits, Jun registers with a small shudder of uncertainty; his throat is dry suddenly, but he manages the softest squeak of sounds. Cheshire-Nino’s ears instantly flick at the sound, drawing Jun’s attention to them. He is getting a bit dizzy, with how fast his eyes are moving between the raised, swishing tail, the clearly-not-fake-ears, as well as Cheshire-Nino’s feline teeth and eyes. Jun swallows thickly, and forces himself to ask, “Did you say… Wonderland?”  
  
“Yep.” Nino makes a soft popping sound with his lips, and waits patiently for Jun to process the answer, and his surroundings. “Wonderland, if the mushroom forest and clam-shaped clouds aren’t obvious enough.”  
  
Jun pretends to not hear the ‘clam-shaped clouds’ bit; he is still trying to wrap his head around the concept of mushroom forests and Cheshire cat Nino, and isn’t going to even try to process something else he has yet to see. He clarifies hesitantly, “The falling—?”  
  
“Into the pit of flames that look a bit like hell? Yep, that happens to all the newcomers. You’re still here, which means that you clearly belong to Wonderland.” Cheshire-Nino helpfully encourages, smile now suspiciously angelic as he seizes Jun’s wrist. “Now that we’ve got that in order, we can do two things - I can show you around the rest of Wonderland, or I can introduce you to the Caterpillar. What would you prefer?”  
  
“Wonderland.” is Jun’s quick answer, although he may have appreciated being shown the way ‘home’ as well. However, the prospect of meeting a caterpillar-person doesn’t seem very appealing to Jun - the thought of a half-worm, half-human figure has his stomach coiling in sickness. There is very little time for Jun to recover for Cheshire-Nino merely nods and pulls Jun towards where the towering morels are. “Wait, where are we going?”   
  
“To see Wonderland.” Cheshire-Nino responds simply, and suddenly tightens his grip on Jun’s wrist, beckoning for Jun to do the same on Cheshire-Nino’s thin one. When he turns back to look at Jun, his expression is serious. “Whatever you do, don’t let go if you don’t want to die.”  
  
Jun barely has the time to look bewildered; in the next breath, he is up in the air, being pulled along by Cheshire-Nino who seems to be effortlessly cutting the air, higher and higher.  
  
_Don’t let go if you don’t want to die._  
  
Even though Jun is certain that this cannot be real, the grave manner in which the order was given to Jun only makes him tighten his grip, eyes wide and breaths short with enchanted terror as they rise above the canopy layer.  
  
++  
“Maybe you want to sit down? You look a bit pale, Alice.” Cheshire-Nino fixes Jun a look of concern as he carefully pats the spongy floor. The ‘chamber’ they are in is really one of the pits of the giant morels Jun had seen, but the manoeuvrable space is the about size of a 4-tatami mat room. That is not the source of Jun’s distraction, however; it is the sight that their precipitous position provides Jun that renders him speechless.  
  
Jun had been disappointed by the blue skies, but the disappointment does not last long once he catches sight of the immense clouds - clam-shaped, indeed. The fluffy clouds distinctively appear like the edible clams found in Japan, including an intricate comb-like shell, a cone-shaped strombus shell, as well tiny basket clams scattered between them. Nevertheless, the far-reaches of the land are hidden by dark, ominous clouds, marking out the borders of what Jun suspects must be the edge of Wonderland. Beneath them, a vast ‘forest’ flourishes in shades of the rainbow. A large lake sparkles within the periphery of Jun’s vision, the only area where he can see the open ground, and his eyes track the tiny sparkling line that is a river whose source is from the largest mountain emerging at the edge - a waterfall?  
  
Elsewhere, the canopy of mushroom caps hides the forest floor from Jun’s vision. There is an enormous cluster of low white-button mushrooms near the lake, but everywhere else is a mixture of purple, red, blue and yellow; giant toadstools and flat-top mushrooms occupy the vast majority of the forest beneath him, giant enoki clusters filling up spaces between them.  
  
“What’s that strip of maitake?” Jun asks softly, finger shaking minutely as he points to the long line of sunset-coloured mushrooms extending from one end of the forest (or rather, from the point where Jun can see) to an ominous castle in the far range, sitting against the backdrop of dense clouds. The fine details of the castle are hard to make out, but the sight is nevertheless fascinating for someone who has never seen a gothic-esque castle outside of picture books.  
  
“We call it Sunset Boulevard. It’s the most direct route to the Red King’s castle.”  
  
“Sunset… Boulevard? Isn’t that a movie?” Jun vaguely recalled having to heard of it for a class on the _noir_ genre, but the elegant scenery the row of maitake (trees) make feels far too beautiful to be associated with something as dark as the themes of fame, deceit and madness.  
  
“It’s also the name of a famous street in Hollywood, but this one is named after the movie, yes.” The cheerful tone Cheshire-Nino adopts earns an unnerved look, but the cat-human does not mind Jun at all, continuing, “Of course, you could always _pretend_ it’s based on the Hollywood street, but that’s not fun, is it?”  
  
Jun hardly sees how deceit and madness can be fun, but he does not make any further comment, gesturing to the castle in the far distance. “And the castle belongs to…?”  
  
“The Red King. As I’ve said. Technically, all this land is his, of course. You will have to formally meet him one day, but I gotta say, Alice…” Cheshire-Nino looks curiously at Jun as his tail flicks against Jun’s leg in what Jun would describe as a pointed manner. “If you have any sense of self preservation, I recommend you stay clear of him, for as long as you can.”  
  
Why does that warning sounds vaguely familiar, Jun wonders. He would not consider himself the most reckless person in the world, yet there is something about the castle that beckons him forward - perhaps it is the dramatic spires that lure him, or something about the way the black castle turns red in the sunlight… if there even is a sun in the sky. “Why? Is he dangerous?”  
  
“Not in a murderous, bad way, no. But he is known to be very… determined, one could say.” There is something awfully suspicious about the way Cheshire-Nino fibs with his words, and Jun narrows his eyes at the cat, egging him on to continue as he crosses his arms across his chest. “Let’s just say that when the Red King has his eye on something, or rather, some _one_ … He will not rest until he has said person in his possession.”  
  
Jun’s cheeks warm at the realization of what Nino is implying, and looks pointedly back at the expansive landscape that is Wonderland. His eyes involuntarily track back to the portentous architecture, so small in the distance, but then Jun catches himself, shifting his vision to stare at a peculiar cluster of waxy, green mushrooms just slightly away from the white button mushroom cluster. Who is this dominant man then, Jun wonders, and what challenge he will bring - Jun has not even seen this… ‘Red King’ yet, and it is not in his nature to jump into relationships. Not when the last relationship he was in ended in tatters.  
  
“I think he’ll find that I’m a very boring person, Cheshire.” Jun replies loftily, intentionally masking his emotions as he takes a step closer to the edge of the morel pit, and looks down. “Anyway, I hate to think that I’ll be easily played into the hands someone who holds such a pretentious name.”  
  
A hand grips Jun’s wrist just as he leans forward to peak over the edge of the morel. Jun doesn’t know what occupies his mind when he sees the great drop in height, yet the adrenaline spike he feels seem dissonant with the world that has unfolded before him. He should feel no fear should he drop, yet everything about this… ‘reality’ suggests otherwise, as does Cheshire-Nino’s warnings about death should he drop, and the excessively tight grip on Jun’s wrist, as though fearful he might jump.  
  
“You shouldn’t say that about him, but he’s not here anyway.” Cheshire-Nino shrugs carelessly, yet silently tugs Jun backwards a step. “I’ve warned you.”  
  
Warned Jun about the death part, or about the Red King? Jun is going to guess the latter and ignore the former, unconvinced on its truth. “Consider me warned.” Jun pointedly looks at his wrist, and then back at Cheshire-Nino with a look of great resignation - he has had his fill of Wonderland, but naturally, their day(?) cannot end here. There is a small part of Jun that wants to leave this nonsensical world ruled by what sounds like an arrogant man, and is dominated by gigantic mushroom forests and tea-smelling grass. Yet his body thrums with adrenaline and a newfound excitement-anxiety that has been sorely lacking in his monotonous life.  
  
Of course, Jun isn’t going to give away his eagerness. Sighing, Jun asks, “So, what next?”  
  
++  
There is a look of confusion and irritation on Cheshire-Nino’s face when they land in the cluster of peculiar (ha, peculiar - what is _not_ peculiar here?) green mushrooms Jun observed earlier. Jun attributes it to the fact that the area is currently empty, despite Cheshire-Nino’s comment that he will be introducing Jun to the Caterpillar next - and obviously, there is an apparent lack of a Caterpillar around the mushroom.  
  
“That idiot must have flown off again. Seriously, first he tells me to give you the orientation, then he disappears.” The small man leaves Jun alone on the grass as he floats up to the cap of the tallest green mushroom, purple tail puffy and swaying in obvious annoyance. “And he took the cake basket with him - greedy!”  
  
The angry mumbling has Jun perplexed. Flown? Cake basket? He is certain that Caterpillar in the original Wonderland had been more… wormy, and an avid Hookah smoker; yet from Nino’s words and the evident traces of crumbs on the ground, Jun wonders if he should abandon his analysis on Lewis Carroll’s Wonderland and just learn to be surprised. A cake-addicted Caterpillar - fair enough.  
  
“When you say “flown”… the Caterpillar can fly?” Jun calls out loudly to the displeased cat-human, and jumps when the Cheshire-Nino pops out of existence and reappears next to Jun. His feline eyes focus on something behind Jun, and Cheshire-Nino suddenly clicks his tongue in obvious exasperation.  
  
“Obviously. The Caterpillar _is_ a butterfly, so, of course he can fly.”  
  
Jun wishes to correct him that no, it isn’t as obvious as Cheshire-Nino says it is; however, he keeps his comment to himself, and instead turns to see what exactly Cheshire-Nino is looking at: A trail of crumbs that leads straight into the woods. Jun tries to orient himself via the Morel towers, and deduces that the trail is in the direction of the giant lake and meadow.  
  
“It’s umm, leading to the lake?” Jun enquires uncertainly. “Shall we head over there then?”  
  
“We have to walk.” Cheshire-Nino grumbles, showing Jun a note on his hand. Jun merely raises his eyebrows at the slightly messy handwriting and cake-cream smear at the lower right corner of the paper, but catches the words: _‘At the Tea Party, Hatter invited us! Bring Alice, no flying!’._ “Caterpillar wants me to show you the forest floor, so we can’t take the fast route there and just fly overhead.”  
  
“We can’t just fly close to it and walk a shorter distance?” The question is asked out of helpfulness, rather than of desire - Jun very much wants to see the forest floor and get a closer look on the giant mushrooms, but simultaneously, he does not want to garner the wrath of the cat next to him.  
  
Cheshire-Nino shakes his head, still glaring at the paper. “If we do that, we’ll have to stay under the forest cover to stay hidden. Unfortunately, this part of the forest is under the Caterpillar’s jurisdiction, and he’ll just make us go in circles instead. Walking _is_ the shortest path.” The man grumbles, and gestures for Jun to start following the crumb trail in resignation.  
  
Jun tries to hide the spring in his step as they begin their trek into the mushroom forest, eyes wide with amazement at the tall toadstools above them. “How will he know though?”  
  
“So full of questions, Alice.” Cheshire-Nino comments neutrally, shooting Jun an unimpressed look. “He is the Caterpillar - he knows _everything._ ” Despite his evident laziness, Cheshire-Nino’s willingness to teach Jun the names of the mushrooms and their functions surprises Jun; the man might be snarky, but just like the teasing nature of Nino in the bar, this version is just as mischievous, albeit… Annoyed at having to walk long distances.  
  
“If you ever get lost in the forest, just as the Sunset Boulevard leads to the castle, this path of flowers will lead you straight to the lake and into The Madhouse.” He gestures to the small glowing flowers on the undergrowth, and Jun immediately stops to look closely at the rainbow-coloured path, mesmerized by the sight of soft illumination the miniature lily-of-the-valley flowers provide. When a gentle breeze blows past them, the sound is minute, but Jun hears it - the mellow tinkling of actual bells as the stems sway in the wind, as though the bell-shaped flowers themselves are the ones chiming. “Or, you could just follow the bells. Come on, there’s more to look at and people to meet.”  
  
“Did you say The Madhouse?” Jun assumes the comment is hyperbolic, rather than an actual madhouse. However, given the nature of Wonderland, hyperboles can be rather true… the Hatter must be mad, he supposes, but Jun is excited to meet other people in Wonderland. He is curious - who will he see?  
  
“The tea-party people. They get drunk off tea and cakes. It should be a quiet night today, but the Caterpillar and Dormouse are enough to drive _me_ mad.”  
  
“Oh.” The excitement leaks into apprehension once again, but Jun pushes the emotion away - there is no reason to worry, especially since… none of this can real. Yet Jun has so many questions with every passing moment he spends in this unreal world. “Did you say it’s night-time now? Isn’t it… bright out?”  
  
“It’s bright when it’s night and dark when it’s day. It’s probably best if you ignore all your logical assumptions when you’re in Wonderland, Alice. You’ll find that they’ll be overturned more frequently than not.”  
  
Jun has no doubt that Cheshire-Nino is correct. He keeps his mouth obediently shut, humming in acknowledgement occasionally as he is given a run-through of the rest of Wonderland:  
  
The Dormouse is usually by the lake - fishing, or sleeping _while_ fishing. (“I don’t think there’s any fish in the lake. There’s probably only clams, but none of us has checked.” Cheshire Nino adds bemusedly.); if he isn’t there, he is likely over at the tea-party. The Hatter always throws a party when he is out and about - Jun is tempted to ask what determines who is ‘out and about’, but he suspects he will not get a genuine answer, or at least, a direct one - and The Hatter _will_ pester anyone and everyone incessantly to participate. The March Hare will likely try to jump Jun, the Talking Flowers will annoy everyone. The Ace is a ‘decent’ person to be around, but he doesn’t show up too often.  
  
The ‘population’ of Wonderland simply boggles Jun - whether it is because there _is_ an actual functioning population, or simply the quirky nature of said people, Jun is undecided. If Wonderland is purely a figment of his imagination, then they must be people he knows, right?  
  
Or at least, Jun hopes.  
  
“I know I have said it once, and I will say it again - stay clear of the Red King.” Cheshire-Nino reiterates as the path of glowing lily-of-the-valley flowers ends, and the mushroom forest opens to a broad plain of lush-green grass. Jun barely hears him, eyes wide in stunned awe as he takes impulsive steps forward, eyes drawn to the sparkling lake in the distance.  
  
The whole meadowland undulates ever slightly with short hills - they were invisible from the elevated heights of the giant morels, but up-close, Jun can see the way the land rises and falls just ever so slightly. The grass is the same type that has been growing lushly under the forest floor; But in the open land and beneath the bright sky, Jun can see how the springy turf turns into a deep viridian whenever the breeze bends the soft leaves, drawing out the fine scent of fruit and tea.  
  
“You aren’t listening at all.” Cheshire-Nino deadpans as he follows behind Jun, but evidently gives up with his lecture as he patiently waits for Jun to take in the sights of Wonderland and its lake. “Fine. Do you have any questions, at least? Not going to suddenly scream and have a mental breakdown?”  
  
“This place is so…” Jun breathes out as he tilts his head backwards and stares up at the passing scallop-shaped cloud, eyes marvelling at the vivid shape produced out of such fluffiness - Jun would have never imagined such things existing in real life, and he suddenly frowns at the thought. That is true; Wonderland is definitely unreal, merely a vivid dream, it must be.  
  
“Insane? Too impossible for you to handl—” The snark in Cheshire-Nino’s voice filters out of Jun’s ears as fast as it enters.  
  
“Beautiful. It’s so beautiful. It makes me wonder how long it’ll take for someone to finish looking at all of this - the forest, the lake, the river… its source…” Jun finishes, and Cheshire-Nino stops mid-sentence to look at Jun in a manner that can only be regarded as thoughtful… Not that Jun notices, of course. The look lasts for only a few seconds, but the next time Cheshire-Nino addresses him, there is gentle resignation in his voice as he tells Jun that they should meet the others before it gets too late (or early?).  
  
“You’ll have however long you want to explore later - the land rarely changes. Come now, they’ll get too excited if we let them wait for too long.”  
  
++  
The first thing Jun notices as they proceed along the lake banks is the small figure sitting on the gravelly land on the opposite side of the lake. From the far distance, Jun can barely make out the appearance of the man, but what is especially noticeable is the pair of round ears popping out of the wavy hair, as well as the long furry tail that is getting unfortunately wet with how it is half submerged in the water. With his face tucked against his chest, Jun cannot make out who the man might be. “Is that the Dormouse?”  
  
Cheshire-Nino merely snorts when he follows Jun’s gaze, nodding lazily before suddenly vanishing from his spot next to Jun. His reappearance on the other side of the lake no longer surprises Jun, even as Cheshire-Nino slinks quietly behind the Dormouse, shoulders and back bent in a predacious fashion. The Dormouse doesn’t notice his sudden companion, but Jun does remember being told that the Dormouse often falls asleep while fishing - he wouldn’t be too surprised if the fellow is asleep, given that his tail has fallen into the water.  
  
In a small swoop, Cheshire-Nino leans over to cover the Dormouse’s eyes, and lightly nips on the round twitching ear. Jun cannot help but grin at the sight of the Dormouse jerking awake, head rising so quickly he nearly knocks it against Cheshire-Nino’s laughing face. With the new angle, Jun can easily identify the Dormouse: It is the other bartender, Ohno, and Jun is not surprised. Perhaps the world _is_ made up of people he knows.  
  
The distance is a bit too far for Jun to discern their scuffled conversation, but their amicable relationship can be seen from the way Dormouse-Ohno bats at Cheshire-Nino’s head with an indignant squeak. He stops flailing when he notices Jun’s presence, whiskers twitching as his expression re-settles into a calm one; the smile he directs at Jun is familiar, albeit sleepy. Unlike what Jun and Cheshire-Nino is wearing, the Dormouse is more normal clothes, albeit a bit Oliver Twist-esque, with the tweed paper-boy hat and worn-out khaki coat. When his tail lifts out of the water, the lake-water drips away quickly as though the fur is hydrophobic, leaving the bushy tail dry and hopelessly _cute._  
  
Unfortunately, Jun does not notice the slinking figure behind him in his distraction; when a gloved hand suddenly reaches out to slap against Jun’s mouth, Jun’s shout of panic comes out muffled, eyes wide and searching as he looks ahead at the distracted pair across from him. The culprit has a firm hand on Jun’s bicep, making it difficult for Jun to move or turn; his glove also smells strangely herbal, a heady scent that makes Jun dizzy and frantic as he looks at Cheshire-Nino and Dormouse-Ohno for help, but they are still bickering and have yet to notice his predicament.  
  
If Jun passes out, he will wake up from this strange reality, will he not? Yet the thought makes him fearful - Jun does not want to leave just yet, and he struggles as a gleeful, tea-smelling breath leans near his ear and blows lightly.  
  
“Alice, you’re late for tea!”  
  
Jun instantly stills, recognizing that cheeky tone from _work_ ; his panic melts into pure annoyance. Curling forward, Jun bunches his shoulders and roughly elbows the perpetrator in his side. The loud yelp he hears generates a sadistic sense of satisfaction, and Jun stumbles as he is freed. Panting, Jun shoots the stranger… Or rather, his co-editor a glare.  
  
“What the hell, Toma?” Jun hisses, even as said man looks at him with wide, innocent eyes, looking puppy-like as Toma grips his side tightly. For once, a member of Wonderland looks completely normal, lacking animal appendages - Jun figures that he must be Hatter, with his abnormally tall top-hat, mismatched gloves and tea-stained white jacket.   
  
“Who’s Toma? What did you do that for, Alice?” Toma whines, bending forward with a wince to grab his top-hat from the grass. “I was only saying hello. You’re late for tea.” With a quick brush of his jacket, he ignores Jun’s apprehensive look and eagerly seizes Jun’s wrist. “Tea awaits us!”  
  
The speed at which Jun wrenches his wrist away from Toma nearly knocks Jun over the edge of the lake. It is not out of dislike for Toma - Jun gets along very well with his co-editor, but that is in real-life; in Wonderland, Jun oddly trusts only Cheshire-Nino, even with his unending snark and befuddling logic. Hatter-Toma… Jun is not keen on being dragged into his shenanigans so early in his orientation of Wonderland. The man is likely to get them knocked out or killed, if it is even possible to be killed here.  
  
“Stop scaring Alice, Hatter. Look, someone who doesn’t like tea as much as you do, are you horrified?”  
  
The brush of a soft tail against Jun’s cheek has him jerking in shock, but Dormouse-Ohno’s hand steadies Jun’s stance before he can really fall into the lake. Jun had not noticed when they pair had flown over to meet him once again (and hopefully save him from Hatter-Toma). “Careful, Alice.”  
  
“Thank you.” Jun mumbles his quick thanks as he instinctively steps closer to the quiet mouse; Jun is also certain that Dormouse-Ohno will not lead him astray… Unless he falls asleep.  
  
Cheshire-Nino merely directs Hatter-Toma a smug smile as the tea-addict sputters his indignance, but Jun remains reticent, unsure of what to say or do in this sudden situation where his like for tea and cakes are currently being debated between two members of Wonderland. “Everyone likes tea, what nonsense are you spouting, cat?”  
  
“Some people like soda. Or _coffee._ And don’t call me cat, hat.”  
  
“What’s it to you if I’m the hat to your cat, cat in the hat?” The sly look Hatter-Toma shoots Cheshire-Nino garners an unimpressed look from the trio - or rather, Cheshire-Nino is unimpressed, whereas Jun is unsure of how to respond. The line sounds flirty, but given the mad grin on Hatter-Toma’s face, Jun is fairly certain that the line sought to annoy, not seduce. Next to him, Dormouse-Ohno looks confused. “Anyway, coffee is for _plebs._ Tea is the far superior drink. And it goes along well with cake.”  
  
Jun also knows that Toma is an avid drinker of coffee.  
  
“Says the Hatter who dips his cake into _coffee._ ” Cheshire-Nino tsks, and Jun snorts at the revelation - that sounds more like it. The look of hurt Hatter-Toma shoots at Cheshire-Nino is brutally ignored by everyone. “Let’s just go to the party before Caterpillar finishes everything.”  
  
The statement spurs Hatter-Toma and Dormouse-Ohno to briskly walk over to the area, their faces an expression of fear at the prospect of finished food. Jun looks warily at Cheshire-Nino, but the cat-human merely smiles encouragingly, flamboyantly gesturing in their direction as he waits for Jun to proceed.  
  
“Madhouse.” Cheshire-Nino reminds helpfully, and it does nothing to soothe Jun’s nerves.  
  
“Madhouse. Right.” Jun mutters to himself, and pretends to not hear Cheshire-Nino’s laugh behind him.  
  
The tea-party seems very pitiful when they get there. For an illogically long table covered with teapots, cups and slices of cake of various colours, there is only one chair that currently has an occupant, although said occupant seems to have no qualms about eagerly taking a spoonful of dessert from each cake within his arms’ length. Jun is not paying attention to that, of course - Jun is rather distracted by the pair of enormous butterfly wings sprouting from his back, vast and flickering between chrome-green and black with every light twitch of motion. A pair of feelers emerges from the Caterpillar’s caramel-dyed hair, and the sensory antennae twitch as they approach the table.   
  
Or rather, when Hatter-Toma and Dormouse-Ohno approaches the table. Conversely, Jun jerks to a stop when he catches a glimpse of the Caterpillar’s face, causing Cheshire-Nino to collide onto his back with a grunt. “Oi, Alice. Why did you stop?”  
  
“Who is he?” There is a tiny tremble in Jun’s voice as he refuses to budge any closer to the table. He does not recognize the face of the Caterpillar, nor does any name pop up in his mind. The Caterpillar is a handsome man, lithe as he stands to greet Dormouse-Ohno with an eager bounce to his stance. Jun has no doubt that the man is kind, but if Wonderland is a figment of his imagination, or a dream, then… Should Jun not recognize all its occupants? He must, shouldn’t he, for it makes no sense for a dream to have strangers. If anything, does the Caterpillar even exist in real life?  
  
“He’s the Caterpillar, of course, why do you ask such strange questions?”  
  
The look of confusion Nino directs at Jun does not make him feel any better. “Because I don’t know him!”  
  
“Of course, you don’t know him. You just arrived in Wonderland today. You didn’t know anyone from Wonderland when you first arrived.”  
  
There is truth in Cheshire-Nino’s words, but how does Jun tell him - them - that he did know the people he just met in Wonderland? There is hardly any logic to the statement, even in Jun’s mind as he thinks of it. He has never met anyone in Wonderland before, but he has met them before. He knows them, yet when he calls them by the name Jun knows them by, they do not seem to recognize it… or at least, they pretend not to know it. And here is someone Jun has never met before… ever. Yet according to his previous conversation with Cheshire-Nino, everyone here seems to know him, or at least of his presence.  
  
The more Jun thinks about it, the more confused he becomes.  
  
“I…” Jun struggles with the right words, forehead pinching as his logic fails him completely. A sudden weariness settles in his mind, and Jun gives up. All the ‘magic’ and ‘wonder’ is making Jun’s mind very tired. “Never mind.”  
  
Cheshire-Nino helpfully pats Jun’s shoulder as he pushes Jun towards the tea-party. “Don’t be so frightened of him. The Caterpillar is harmless, unless you tell him that cakes aren’t important.”  
  
“Noted.” Jun grumbles reluctantly as they amble towards the table. The tea-party is just by the nook where the river mouth meets the lake, but an overhang of the giant Chanterelle mushrooms above them provides a comfortable shade to dine under. Cheshire-Nino is right - all of them look harmless, especially when they are stuffing their faces with what appears to be key lime pie and angel cake.  
  
The Caterpillar _is_ a gentle fellow, Jun learns as he is eagerly ushered by the man (butterfly-man, technically) to sit at the head of the table, and is handed a plate piled with Japanese sweets, rather than the range of western desserts on the table. The fine slice of yokan and pink taiyaki surprises Jun, who had been expecting what the Caterpillar was eating previously. The Caterpillar merely grins, eyes twinkling in friendly curiosity that settles Jun’s nerves. It takes Jun a while to realize that the Caterpillar had conjured the plate of Japanese sweets from nowhere, as though with the knowledge that Jun prefers his sweets traditional, rather than the heavy western sweets. The Caterpillar is also the one to pour Jun his tea, a fine brew of Sencha, before proceeding to help Hatter-Toma refill his cup as well.  
  
Jun’s eyes widen when hot coffee pours out of the same tea spout, instead of green tea.  
  
“Don’t be too startled by the teapot. It’s very good with knowing what we like.” The Caterpillar helpfully adds as he pours himself a cup of… _miso soup(?)_. “Now that we’re all settled here… You have to tell us, Alice; how did you gain the attention of our lovely Red King?”  
  
“I hardly think ‘lovely’ is the best adjective to describe him, Caterpillar.” Hatter-Toma comments as he dips a croissant into his coffee cup. “But I was wondering about that as well. He’s hardly the friendliest of fellows.”  
  
Dormouse-Ohno interjects, before Jun can answer, ears twitching as he shares a look with Cheshire-Nino. “He’s not so bad.” He remarks quietly, cheeks full of the sponge cake in front of him. “He’s just… quiet.”  
  
“But he’s never made an exception for anyone. Alice, here,” Hatter-Toma foppishly gestures towards Jun’s being - once again preventing Jun from speaking - and waggles his eyebrows. “Is clearly a special fellow.”  
  
Clearing his throat, Jun lowers his teacup onto the table loudly. “First of all, my name isn’t ‘Alice”. Second of all —”  
  
“Whatever you say, Alice.” Cheshire-Nino chimes in between the sounds of his handheld game - When did _that_ appear? - and Jun narrows his eyes, feeling especially irritable from having been interrupted too many times. In addition, the sleepiness that has been settling into his bones has intensified ever since Jun had taken a seat, and his temper tends to become shorter when tired.  
  
“ _Second of all,”_ Jun repeats once again, “I have never met whoever this ‘Red King’ man is, so I can hardly understand why he’d be interested in me.”  
  
“Maybe it’s because you’re pretty.” The Caterpillar helpfully provides an answer, leaning into Jun’s personal space. “Don’t you think so, Cheshire?”  
  
“Right. And we know how the Red King likes to make exceptions for the pretty ones.” Cheshire-Nino scoffs, still engrossed in his game. Jun rubs his eyes sleepily, but cannot help but feel slightly insulted at the insinuation; the last thing he wants is to be part of a ‘collection’ of Alices that the Red King collects.  
  
Swallowing the bitterness in his chest, Jun coolly finishes his cup of Sencha, and asks, “So, what, how many ‘pretty’ ones has the Red King collected?”  
  
Jun’s question obtains three bemused looks, and one snort from Cheshire-Nino; Jun is perplexed, but his confusion is interrupted by the wash of sleepiness - a heavy tiredness that sweeps over him, and has Jun nodding off against the back of the armchair he is in. Strangely enough, his four new(?) companions seem unbothered by his swift need to go to sleep.  
  
The Caterpillar leans in close to drape a soft blanket over Jun instead, eyes gentle as Jun fights to keep his own open. With his remaining shred of wakefulness, Jun barely catches the breathy laughter close to his ear, followed by the soft words that accompanies the darkness that takes over Jun’s mind.  
  
“You’re the only one, Alice.”  
  
++  
  
Jun wonders if Wonderland itself can be considered real - he is still uncertain of what happened that night he visited Wonderland (both the bar, and the actual… Land?). Jun recalls the events of Wonderland with stark recollection even after waking up from the odd dream - that is what it is, unfortunately: an odd dream. One with giant mushrooms, tea scented grass, weird fashion and clam-shaped clouds. An oddity; nonsense.  
  
Despite having been overwhelmed with sleepiness in Wonderland, Jun wakes up feeling refreshed. There is no sense of exhaustion or any feeling of having been awake and walking around in a dream; in fact, Jun feels like he has woken up from the best sleep he had in ages. Jun doesn’t understand the specifics, but he isn’t going to question it just yet. Somehow, he knows that the more he seeks for an answer, the more confused he will become.  
  
Nevertheless, he has to stop himself from thinking of Toma as the Hatter when Jun meets him at work.  
  
“Ahh… coffee. Blessed coffee.” Toma praises when he passes Jun’s ‘office’ - which really is just a cornered-off cubical space that is allocated as Jun’s - the following morning, hand wrapped around a steaming mug of coffee. Toma lazily leans against the wall as Jun straightens out his organizer for the next publishing cycle, and hums when Jun finally spins his chair around to look at Toma with raised eyebrows.  
  
“What brings you here this early on a Thursday morning, fresh out of a publishing cycle? Don’t you have things to do? Articles to vet and magazine ideas to check?” Jun swivels his chair left and right slowly, looking expectantly at one of his oldest friends. His questions are asked out of jest, of course - it is one of the perks of working with friends. Jun doesn’t mind these small conversations that make life just a bit mundane, although Toma can be frustratingly annoying at times.  
  
Toma helpfully lifts two manila folders in his hand, both an inch-thick with printed material. “Side articles to vet, magazines ideas to check and photographs to choose - with you, co-editor.”  
  
Jun cracks a smile, and kicks another chair in Toma’s direction in invitation. “Early. You aren’t usually this productive until after noon.”  
  
“Well…” At the start of the sheepish drawl, Jun rolls his eyes in exasperated fondness, and reaches for his own mug of green tea brewing at the corner of his desk. “I heard that you dropped by SerendipiTea yesterday. Shun mentioned that he referred you to that quirky bar.”  
  
Jun pauses mid-sip at the question. Jun was not expecting such an early reminder of Wonderland. The tea suddenly tastes bland in his mouth. “And what about it?”  
  
“You should have told me!” Toma whines, dropping the files on the desk in a dramatic fashion, but still standing in front of Jun. “When I went there, Nino told me you left an hour before I arrived. We should have drinks together there this weekend.”  
  
_Huh._ Jun blinks; Toma was in the bar last night as well. Jun wonders if he knows about Bliss, but something compels him to not ask about it just yet. The whole idea of it seems so secretive - a secret ingredient… Jun freezes at the thought. His dream couldn’t have been due to Bliss, could it? That would be impossible. It had likely been a product of Jun’s tired imagination, as well as all the Alice in Wonderland references that were made in the bar.  
  
“Jun?” Toma waves a careful hand in front of Jun’s face, and successfully pulls Jun out of his reverie. When Jun jerks, Toma throws him a concerned glance. “You okay there? You got a bit dazy just now.”  
  
“Just distracted, sorry. We could have drinks together, there, yeah. I just had a weird dream last night and I’m still trying to figure it out.” Jun waves away Toma’s concern and is relieved when Toma nods knowingly.  
  
“The vibe of the bar always gives me weird dreams as well. Nino and Ohno are really excellent bartenders.”  
  
Jun’s mind is still unfortunately stuck on Toma’s first line, and he shakes his head, eyes wide in shock. “Did you say weird dreams? Of giant mushrooms?”  
  
Toma laughs. “Is that what you dreamt of last night? Wow, the atmosphere really got to you, didn’t it, J? I can’t be sure, I don’t remember my dreams at all. I do know they are weird though - it’s just that feeling, you know? When you wake up and you just know that that was some strange sleep you got.”  
  
_Coincidence? Or an overactive imagination?_ Jun licks his suddenly dry lips and swallows his uncertainty - he is simply over-thinking, Jun is certain. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It was just a really weird dream, you’re right. Now, can we get back to work? Take a seat?”  
  
Toma pouts, but does so obediently anyway. Jun almost misses the wince Toma makes as he settles onto the chair with a huff, but his concern spikes anyway, and Jun pinches his forehead in worry. “Did something happen?”  
  
“Nah. I probably knocked myself into something last night, because I woke up feeling like someone elbowed me really hard in my side.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Jun suddenly remembers himself roughly elbowing Hatter-Toma in his ribs in his Wonderland dream last night. His neck prickles uncomfortably at the recollection, a sick, heavy feeling settling in his stomach like a cold leaden weight. _‘Oh’,_ he says, but Jun forces himself to smile, burying his disconcertment with thoughts of work. Everything has to be a coincidence.


	3. And pour the waters of the Nile

**Chapter 3: And pour the waters of the Nile**  
  
_~“You’re the only one, Alice.” // Everything must be a coincidence. ~_

  
  
SerendipiTea on a Saturday night is different from SerendipiTea on a Wednesday night, Jun discovers. Or perhaps, Jun did not stay long enough previously to be able to determine the usual flow of traffic the bar gets. After all, the bar does close at the early hours of morning, and Jun had left just as the night began.  
  
Nevertheless, Jun is stunned when he walks into SerendipiTea past 10 in the evening, and is greeted by the buzz of a crowd within the establishment. The noise is not loud, like what Jun had observed during his initial visit, but all the counter seats are occupied, as well as the small private tables arranged along the wall opposite of the bar. Of course, Jun understands the appeal of SerendipiTea: the bar is quirky, the drinks are specialized, and the ambience is sophisticated, but friendly.  
  
His eyes search for familiar faces, but Jun frowns when he recognizes no one around the bar counter nor at the tables. Toma was the one who invited Jun and Shun for drinks tonight, yet Jun does not see him anywhere.  
  
“Jun-pon! You’re back.” Nino cheerfully greets from behind the counter after excusing himself from his conversation with one of the patrons. “I didn’t expect you to return this quickly. Couldn’t stay away for too long now, could you?” Once again, the Cheshire-grin returns, and Jun temporarily sees the blond-haired Cheshire-Nino in his place, eyes glinting knowingly.  
  
A blink later and Cheshire-Nino is once again replaced by the same, neatly dressed barkeep. Jun merely tilts his head in hidden bewilderment, and attributes that wayward thought to the late hour. Nonetheless, Nino isn’t too inaccurate with his assumption - Jun has barely forgotten about the strange dream he had of Wonderland, which is, in itself, very peculiar; dreams should not be remembered with such vividness.  
  
However, Jun isn’t going to admit that fact so easily - Nino doesn’t necessarily need to know the whole truth. Instead, he shrugs off his jacket and asks, “I was wondering if an Ikuta Toma and an Oguri Shun are here yet. We made plans to have drinks.”  
  
Jun’s apparent brush-off of Nino’s jibe doesn’t seem to abate his amusement. Nino merely chuckles, slipping out through the small gap between the wall and the counter to lead Jun towards the end of the bar. “This way. We usually reserve this spot for people who need more privacy, but Toma called to say he had a group of friends coming in.”  
  
The spot Nino is referring to is a secluded table right at the end of the bar. From the entrance of the establishment, it would have been impossible to notice the table, given that it is hidden from view by the bar counter and shelves at that angle. Jun understands how it can be an extremely private spot - once he slides into the seat across from Toma and Shun, the buzz of conversation around them muffles into soft murmurs, and the only view Jun has is of his friends, and the bar counter next to them.  
  
“Jun, you’re nearly late!” Toma teases, and for a split second, Jun is once again reminded of Wonderland.  
  
_“Alice, you’re late for tea!”_  
  
Jun rolls his eyes and grins, thanking Nino as the bartender excuses himself. “Says the man who is always late for his deadlines.” Jun retorts, and sheepishly looks at Shun when the man merely clicks his tongue at them.  
  
“You both have no right to argue lateness in front of me, given that I’m always the last person to receive the manuscript for printing.” Shun taps the surface of the wooden table, and takes a sip of his drink. “Will I expect this round’s manuscript to arrive at my department in time? Or should I ready my printers for another delay?”  
  
“Hey, now, blame it on the writers. I just compile and edit them.” Toma defends, and levels a heatless, narrowed eye-squint at Jun. “Speaking of which, you’re writing the column this month, aren’t you? Remember to give me enough time to vet it, will you?”  
  
“It was only just that one time, I swear. Why won’t you let me forget it?” Jun hides a smile behind his hand as he readjusts his glasses - that occurrence happened very early in their career, when they had just been assigned to work together on the magazine; Jun had been so occupied with straightening out details and getting writers to submit their articles on time that he had completely forgotten to write his own column article. He has since then readjusted his working priorities, but Toma will never forget the incident, to Jun’s fond frustration.  
  
Of course, they are merely teasing each other - there is no real hurt intended in their friendly jibes. They’ve known each other for so long that they cannot share any true antagonism for an extended period of time. When Toma pouts, Jun is tempted to ask how many drinks he has had before Jun arrived in SerendipiTea. “Because you never leave me any other opportunity to mess with you, Mr Perfectionist.”  
  
Before Jun can respond with a rebuttal, Shun interjects quickly. “I think that’s enough work talk for a Saturday night.”  
  
“Listen to what the good man says, J.” Toma (un)helpfully adds, earning an eye-roll from Jun as he eagerly taps at the empty table in front of Jun. “Get some alcohol in your system. What drinks have you had here?”  
  
“Not a lot. It was a Wednesday evening, after all.” Jun peeks over at the bar counter, where Nino is in the midst of making an elaborate cocktail - there is a soft sound of awe when he sets what appears to be a sugar cube on fire, looking entirely pleased with himself as the blue flames lick at the sweet crystals. Ohno, on the other hand, is nodding slowly to a customer’s soft conversation as he washes used cocktail mixers and stirrers. “They have a lot of… strange drinks here.”  
  
There is a lot of strange _everything_ here, is what Jun really wishes to convey. Strange drinks, strange atmosphere, strange bartenders with their vague riddles… Not that strangeness makes for a bad establishment - it just makes Jun feel unnerved, and curious.  
  
“Isn’t that the understatement of the century?” Shun laughs, following Jun’s gaze to watch the two bartenders as well. “They are good with their traditional drinks too, if you’re overwhelmed with all of their teas. They have a good bottle of Hibiki 21 here as well, but it’s hidden, and you have to ask.”  
  
“But the air here is just _saturated_ with oddity. It wouldn’t be right to come here and not try one of their tea cocktails. It is their speciality after all. And the weekends are the best time to come here.” Toma eagerly adds, pointing at the bar counter with his thumb, “Not that Ohno and Nino aren’t great, that is, but their chief mixologist only comes in during the weekends, and _his_ drinks are out of this world.”  
  
Jun cocks his head slightly at the mention of the chief mixologist - that is the man who created Bliss, isn’t he? Jun refrains from clarifying, and Shun’s face settles into an awkward grimace.  
“Out of the world is an…. Accurate word, to describe Aiba’s drinks, yes. Can’t say I enjoy them as much as you do, Toma. You’ll see, Jun. Let’s just hope it’s a good one today.” He adds at the end when he sees Jun’s blank expression, out of the loop from the conversation.  
  
The feeling makes Jun feel a bit lonely - the two of them seem too familiar with the bar, and Jun less so, despite them working together frequently. Jun wonders why he only learns of SerendipiTea now, but settles for a neutral smile, unwilling to betray his own emotions and make the atmosphere awkward between them by confronting them.  
  
“Let’s order something for you first though.” Toma nudges Shun to call for Ohno, and looks at Jun expectantly. “Did Ohno or Nino give you an introduction of how this place works? I remember being confused when I first came here.”  
  
It will be impolite if Jun comments that he is _always_ confused at SerendipiTea, but Jun understands Toma’s question and nods. _Yes_ , Nino did give him a quick rundown of how the bar works: Pick the tea, or pick the alcohol, or request for a specific drink. Hardly the most helpful of instructions, but Jun figures a cocktail bar of this type would not have a set menu of drinks to choose from. That is, besides _Bliss_ , Jun is guessing. And then there is the fact that the barkeeps forgo formalities… an unusual characteristic for a bar to have. He supposes that even an elegant bar like SerendipiTea can be incongruous in the maintenance - or lack thereof - of its professional atmosphere.  
  
Ohno looks the same as he did on Wednesday, - and in Wonderland – sleepy, as he softly greets the trio. “It’s nice to see you again, Jun. What would you like to drink today?”  
  
It’s the same question, but the feeling the words churn up are vastly different when it is said to Jun in the presence of his friends, as compared to when he is spoken to alone.  
  
“Something with a fruit tea.” Jun requests, licking his bottom lip as he makes his decision. He does want to try something different then the light Houjicha-based cocktail (it was light in flavour, but Jun recognizes that it was anything but light in its alcohol content), but for the start of what could turn out to be a long drinking night, starting hard will only guarantee Jun a hangover tomorrow morning.  
  
“Something light?” Ohno clarifies, and then nods in acknowledgement when Jun agrees. “I understand. Would you like anything else, Toma, Oguri?”  
  
“Just wondering when Aiba is going to show up.”  
  
Ohno breaks character momentarily to purse his lips at the query, looking slightly anxious as he gestures at the door offset into the wall behind the counter labelled ‘Staff only’. “Oh… You’ll see him in a bit. He’s doing his final preparations.” He hurriedly excuses himself to prepare Jun’s drink right after, leaving Jun to look at a chuckling Toma and a resigned Shun in alarm.  
  
_Preparations?_  
  
“Can I just say that I’ll pass on Aiba’s drink for today?” Shun wearily looks at Toma, only to earn a hard slap on the shoulder - Jun is now sure that Toma is at least tipsy. “I’ll take a sip from yours.”  
  
Shun’s wariness worries Jun, but he shrugs it off; for a bar of this standard, its chief mixologist must be good at his job. Jun supposes that with alcohol, unique cocktails can easily be a hit-or-miss with certain customers. “Should I be afraid of this chief mixologist?”  
  
“No, Aiba is harmless.” Toma defends with great amusement, waving off Shun’s snort of disagreement.  
  
“Yes, he is harmless. His drinks, on the other hand…”  
  
“Don’t worry, we burnt his notes for Caramel Pudding Version 4.0.” Nino interrupts as he places Jun’s drink in front of him, as well as a glass of water. Jun nearly jumps in surprise at his sudden appearance, glancing over to see how Ohno is currently returning a teapot to its original position, but Toma and Shun does not share his surprise. “Or rather, Oh-chan accidentally torched them when he was practicing his flamed orange twist. Such a shame really.”  
  
The shit-eating grin on Nino’s face and relieved expressions on Toma and Shun’s faces subtly informs Jun that it isn’t as much of a shame as Nino claims it to be. With good reason, Jun is certain. A cocktail called Caramel Pudding can’t be too appetizing. Shuddering, Jun takes a sip of his own drink to mask the thought of a cloyingly sweet cocktail.  
  
The first touch of liquid against his tongue is thick and bittersweet, cut only by its cold smoothness. Jun had been wanting a cocktail that was light on the alcohol, but he certainly did not expect Ohno to anticipate his desire for a more full-bodied drink. Pleasantly surprised, Jun takes a bigger sip, and discretely rolls the beverage in his mouth, taking advantage of Nino’s engagement of Toma and Shun in conversation. There is an unfamiliar flavor of an exotic fruit Jun cannot name, strong in his nose and mouth, accompanied by the mildest of hints of raspberry against his tongue. All in all, the drink tastes of a thick brew of fruit tea, but when Jun swallows, he can feel the burn of alcohol at the back of his throat, smooth, but cloying in a way that is not unpalatable.  
  
“You look as though that’s the best drink you’ve had in your entire lifetime.” Shun remarks unhelpfully, interrupting Jun’s appreciation of his cocktail. Jun merely waves him off, leaning back slightly with a pleased sigh. It isn’t necessarily the best drink he’s ever had, but it is very good.  
  
Jun says just that, and hums contently as he takes another swig of the drink. “Very good.”  
  
“I’ll make sure to pass the compliment o—” Nino stops when the knob of the staff door turns with a muted click. Jun automatically turns around to look as well, curious as to who the chief mixologist might be. He doesn’t think it will be a man that is far older than Ohno nor Nino, despite his title - some youth must be involved to concoct drinks named ‘Caramel Pudding 4.0’ and ‘Drink Me!’. “Finally done with your prep then, Aiba-shi?”  
  
“Sorry for the delay!”  
  
Jun nearly drops his glass at the soft voice. _No way._ There is no way Jun could have known the chief mixologist prior to today’s meeting, yet Jun is unable to stop himself from blurting out “Caterpillar.” as his stomach rolls in cold recollection.  
  
“Eh?” Aiba cocks his head slightly, moving closer to their table when he notices Shun and Toma waving at him in greeting. Jun’s fingers tighten instinctively around his glass as Aiba’s features become clearer in the light. The Caterpillar - no, Jun corrects himself - Aiba, is wearing the same black waistcoat and pants as Ohno and Nino, but the shirt is a soft shamrock colour, and his bow tie a pastel green.  
  
_Green._ Like the Caterpillar’s wings.  
  
_What the hell?_  
  
“Ah, you must be Jun!” Aiba cheerfully greets, bowing neatly to Jun and placing a volumetric flask on the bar counter. Jun’s eyes widen in alarm at the sight of a dark red liquid sitting innocuously in laboratory glassware, but Aiba seems indifferent to his fright. “I’ve heard of you.”  
  
Jun wonders where Aiba has heard of him - Ohno and Nino? Toma or Shun? The mysterious Red King? Or perhaps from the fact that Jun distinctively remembered meeting Aiba in Wonderland as the Caterpillar? The sharp prickling in the back of his neck makes itself more noticeable as Aiba introduces himself properly. “I’m the chief mixologist here, Aiba Masaki. I hope you’ll enjoy my drinks.”  
  
“It’s nice to meet you too.” Jun manages to get out hoarsely, and clears his throat to hide his unease.  
  
Surely, his fear is unfounded, Jun thinks, Wonderland must be a figment of his imagination, and so, he must have encountered Aiba in the past, by accident somewhere, even if he doesn’t consciously remember it. Yet, the fact that the Caterpillar works in SerendipiTea alongside the Dormouse and Cheshire is too big of a coincidence… isn’t it?  
  
And there is that deep dark red liquid on the bar counter beckoning Jun closer, even despite its incongruous container that would fit in better in a chemistry laboratory. Jun wonders if it is what he thinks it is.  
  
“Ah, you’re looking at that?” Aiba suddenly looks bright and eager, and Jun misses the look of panic Shun trades with Toma. “It’s my special brew of ‘tea’. Would you like to try it?”  
  
It cannot be the secret ingredient in Bliss then, Jun surmises, if Aiba is willing to share it… Even so, it cannot hurt him to try it, right? “Sure.”  
  
Behind Aiba, Ohno breaks out in a series of coughs, and Nino snorts.  
  
Jun wonders if he’s made a bad decision.  
  
…It is _definitely_ a bad decision.  
  
++  
2 hours into drinking, and Jun is once again doubting why he is friends with Toma and Shun. Of course, this doubt naturally resurfaces every time Toma gets tipsy, but after being called “Matssun~” for the eighth time in the span of 15 minutes, Jun is starting to consider writing an application for a different magazine, or request a different co-editor.  
  
It does not help that there is an equally tipsy woman - a model, no less - pressed against Jun and giggling alcohol breath directly into Jun’s ear.  
  
“Ehh, you call him Matssun? That’s so cute - Matssun~” Kiko breathes into Jun’s ear, and it is only by sheer will and politeness that Jun doesn’t push her away. Mizuhara Kiko is a popular fashion model, so Jun has to wonder how on Earth Toma met her. Then again, with their drunk personalities, Jun isn’t too surprised that they hit it off pretty quickly. That is not to say that Jun isn’t just as bad when he is tipsy, but Jun quite dislikes being match-made with drunk females… Even if Jun is slightly intoxicated as well. A soft hand rests on Jun’s thigh, and Kiko runs a clumsy finger down the length of Jun’s jaw. “Have a lover, Matssun?”  
  
He is certainly not drunk enough for a one-night stand to happen.  
  
“No.” Jun responds stiffly, grabbing her hand to stop her with forced gentleness. He does not have a lover, and he does not plan to get one just yet. Kiko is indeed very pretty, but unfortunately, not Jun’s type. “I don’t have one.”  
  
“Eh? A handsome man like you? Really?”  
  
“Really. Said man hasn’t been laid in ages, I’m sure.”  
  
Jun suddenly wishes it is socially acceptable to hit Toma on the forehead in public. Rolling his eyes, Jun finishes the remains of his gyokuro tea, and looks at Shun for help while batting away Kiko’s straying hands. She isn’t that bad of a woman, of course - Jun likes her… That is, until she had had her fourth drink and decided to drape herself onto Jun.  
  
“I don’t believe you.” Kiko giggles, and Jun discretely pushes a glass of water into her hand to stop her from groping him again.  
  
“Trust me, if you see him at work, you’ll know that he hasn’t been laid in a looooong time. Always so stiff and anal—” Toma starts, and Jun impatiently taps at the wooden table before Toma can finish his statement. Maybe it is time to end their drinking night - just before Jun decides to push Toma’s deadline 4 days early as a form of punishment.  
  
Shun seems to be able to read Jun’s annoyance - Shun has always been more level-headed than the two of them - and swiftly slaps a hand to Toma’s mouth to shut him up. “Shall we call it a night then? It’s late.”  
  
“I agree.” Jun comments, ignoring Toma and Kiko’s whines of sadness over the end of their party.  
  
“What? Just one more set of drinks, and then we’ll leave, please?” Toma negotiates as he  
waves his hand at Aiba. With it being past midnight, the bar has emptied out quite a bit, although there are still some people besides them, nursing their own drinks and exchanging soft conversation with Nino and Ohno. “Last drinks, Aiba-chan. Bliss shots.”  
  
Jun raises his eyebrows at the familiarity Toma shows Aiba, but subtly perks up at the mention of Bliss. Aiba becomes excited, clapping his hands together eagerly at the request. For a short moment, his eyes turn serious, as though evaluating the four of them, before leaning in closely to whisper, “With you-know-what?” with the same twinkle in his eye that reminds Jun too much of the Caterpillar. The question catches him off-guard, nevertheless - none of his drinking companions seem confused by the question, nodding in agreement before looking expectantly at Jun.  
  
Waiting.  
  
Jun has an option? _Huh._ Jun can say no then, but he will not. Wonderland must be a dream, but Jun remembers Nino telling Jun that Jun would return, and Jun is tempted to ask him why. The logic baffles him, and thinking about it makes his head hurt. Had Jun not been invited to drink in SerendipiTea by Toma, would Jun have gone back to this bar on his own accord?  
  
_Yes_  
  
He will say yes to the drinks and to the atmosphere, but the knowing twinkles in the eyes of SerendipiTea’s bartenders tells Jun that he cannot lie to them… It is the lure of insanity and nonsense that beckons Jun like a siren song, of questions unanswered that requires Jun to come back to find out the truth. That is, if there even is a truth.  
  
_“Makes me wonder if you’ll even be able to stay away, Jun-pon.”_  
  
The trio must certainly know something that he does not. But what could it be?  
  
“Jun?” Shun prods, jerking Jun out of his thoughts. Right, they are waiting for him, aren’t they? Jun nods awkwardly towards Aiba.  
  
“Yes. Please.” He murmurs, and misses the twinkle of curiosity in Aiba’s eyes as the bartender bows neatly, and excuses himself to make the drink. Despite the ongoing ramble of chatter at his table, Jun chooses to keep silent - he rests his elbow on the table and forgoes discretion to watch Aiba prepare their drinks.  
  
Ohno’s bartending style is precise and neat, whereas Nino forgoes accuracy for flair without sacrificing taste. Aiba… Jun supposes that as a chief mixologist, Aiba will naturally be a balance of his two colleagues. There is no ice added into the shot glasses; instead, the cocktail mix is cooled by a single ball of ice, and stirred with the skilful twirling of fingers. There is an elegance in the way Aiba prepares the drink, head bent in seriousness as he adds exactly one pearl-sized droplet per shot glass from the familiar small bitters bottle. The sight of the unlabelled bottle has Jun’s heart beating faster, fingers twitching. He smells it before he sees the red drop disappearing into the purple liquid.  
  
Promises of decadence in a bottle.  
  
“4 shots of Bliss.” Aiba announces with a quirky flourish of his hand as he lowers a small round tray on the centre of the table. Aiba softly taps at Jun’s shoulder when Jun reaches out to grab a glass with the others. “Watch the alcohol, it’s stronger than when it is a cocktail.” He whispers helpfully, likely a note for Jun, as the others have zero issues downing it like a normal shot of vodka.  
  
Jun nods shortly to indicate his acknowledgement, but his attention is riveted towards Bliss. This time, a star-shaped lemon peels garnish the cocktail, but of course, its physical appearance is not what entices Jun; it is the scent of bitter chocolate that beckons him closer. Jun isn’t going to be naive - he knows that no matter how much he desires that heavy taste in his mouth, the drink will not provide him the satisfaction. Perhaps it is the function of the drink to subvert his expectations, but the action merely leaves Jun yearning for more… Or maybe, that is the appeal of Bliss - to repeatedly pull Jun into SerendipiTea (or is it Wonderland?) over, and over again.  
  
Even with the predisposed knowledge that the scent is a mere trick, Jun savours Bliss anyway, letting the cold alcohol envelop his taste buds, the floral-fruit mixture light on his tongue, followed by the harsh burn of booze down his throat. Shun drinks his own shot at a semi-leisurely pace, but it brings them both great amusement to watch Toma down it in one go, before choking slightly.  
  
If Jun feels the prickling sensation of being watched, he does not attribute it to the 3 pairs of eyes locked onto his figure.  
  
++  
It is 4 in the morning and SerendipiTea has finally closed for the night, with Aiba being the sole barkeep left as he wipes the counter clean and washes the cocktail equipment. Nino and Ohno have retreated to the apartment upstairs for the night, given that they have been working since the late afternoon and that the last two hours are usually the quietest time of the evening for the bar.  
  
When the door of SerendipiTea suddenly pushes open, Aiba is hardly fazed, not even bothering to look up from the sink. It is only when he hears the grunt of tiredness as the figure drops heavily onto the seat next to him does Aiba look up.  
  
“Sho-chan, shouldn’t you be at home and in bed now? Your flight landed, what, an hour and a half ago?” Aiba chides softly, fetching a blanket from under the counter - just for specific occasions such as this - and throws it over Sho’s shoulders. “You’re not even wearing a proper coat for the weather. Winter is a bit early this year, you know.”  
  
“You know I don’t sleep very well after a long flight, Aiba.” Sho lets out a weary sigh, and chuckles with the typical exhaustion one would have after a 12-hour flight. His fingers clutch onto the edge of the blanket nonetheless, and he thanks Aiba. “It’s a lot warmer in Brisbane, so I wasn’t really expecting it would be this cold in Tokyo now. How has business been going while I was gone?”  
  
“You were gone for less than a week, Sho. You know we get very little excitement here.” Aiba comments dryly, and goes back to the counter to retrieve a mug. “Can I prepare you something to help you sleep then?”  
  
“Please.” Sho requests, resting an elbow on the table to prop his own head up while he watches Aiba prepare a fresh brew of tea. “No alcohol in there?”  
  
Aiba shoots him a look. “Not when you look that tired, Sho-chan.”  
  
“That’s a shame.” Sho simply comments, and looks away, “Have you met… him yet?”  
  
The bartender’s hands do not even stop in their movement as Aiba answers. “He was sitting in your exact seat this evening, actually.”  
  
“Was he?” It seems that he couldn’t stay away after all. Hearing that makes Sho pleased - he does not know the man’s name just yet, admittedly, but there is something so tantalizing about luring Alice into Wonderland. Especially when Alice is _gorgeous._  
  
“He did.” Aiba lowers the mug of warm valerian tea in front of Sho, as well as the small bottle Sho is all too familiar with. Sho merely raises his eyebrows at the sight of the bottle - it can only mean one thing, if Aiba offers it to him without needing Sho to ask. Sho reaches out to uncap it, and adds exactly a single drop into the lightly-coloured tea. The dark red disperses instantly, and the steam of the hot tea warms Sho’s chest as he brings it near his lips. “To Wonderland.” Sho quips, and Aiba graces him with a hesitant smile.  
  
“Try not to scare him too much, Sho.”  
  
“I make no promises, Caterpillar.”  
  
++  
It is the smell that pulls Jun into wakefulness - instead of the mild scent of his laundry soap, Jun’s nose is tickled by the fragrance of tea and vanilla. There is nothing in his room that should smell remotely of those two scents… which is strange. With his eyes still closed, Jun wrinkles his forehead and rolls to his side, hands patting the grass in search of his blanket.  
  
He freezes. _Grass?_  
  
Jun’s eyes wrench open in a sudden jerk, and he breathes heavily, eyes large and afraid as he takes in his surroundings again. His breath stutters in his chest when he realizes where he is - or rather, where he is _again._  
  
_What on earth?_  
  
Jun remains seated beneath the same Shiitake mushroom for several minutes, fingers digging into the soft green grass under his fingers - and that doesn’t make any sense either, grass growing so lushly in the dark - as he waits. Jun does not know what exactly he is waiting for, but there is a flurry of thoughts passing through Jun’s mind as he stares wide-eyed into the expansive forest in front of him.  
  
Why is he… back? Or rather, is this the same dream as his previous visit to Wonderland, a repetition? If it is a repetition, Jun is grateful that he did not have to repeat the same sequence of falling through the tunnel into the pit of flames that felt too real. Yet there is no evidence of Cheshire-Nino reappearing, no Caterpillar-Aiba, no Hatter-Toma nor Dormouse-Ohno to tell him that he is late for tea. It is just Jun and the sound of his own breathing in the quiet forest.  
  
_Ringgg…_  
  
Jun stills, and stands slowly as his ears strain for the soft chiming in the air.  
  
_“If you ever get lost in the forest, just as the Sunset Boulevard leads to the castle, this path of flowers will lead you straight to the lake and into the Madhouse.”_  
  
The Tea-Party and the glow of the lilies-of-the-valley, Jun remembers. If there is anyone else in Wonderland tonight (it is night, for the sky is bright), Jun suspects they will be by the lake, and Jun will have to go there on his own to meet them. Of course, there is also the option of Jun exploring the rest of the area on his own, but Jun doesn’t feel ready to do so just yet, even if Cheshire-Nino has mentioned that there is nothing that can potentially hurt Jun in Wonderland. First, Jun wants to make sure that he is not alone in this place, because admittedly, he isn’t sure what he’ll do if he is alone.  
  
Breathing deeply, Jun brushes off the imaginary dirt on his pants - he is wearing the same highly embellished outfit from his first visit - and gathers enough courage to move away from the shelter of the mushroom cap. The sky is a clear blue once again, and Jun wonders if changes in the weather can happen in Wonderland.  
  
The grass rustles with the breeze once again, and the soft ringing reminds Jun that he best get started with his venture to the lake.  
  
_Follow the bells…_  
  
Jun wonders what and who he will find once he follows the bells.  
  
The atmosphere of the forest is different when Jun is traversing it alone, compared to when he was being escorted by Cheshire-Nino. The Morel Towers are far more daunting from below, as are the purple toadstools Jun did not have the chance to observe before. Without company, the darkness of the undergrowth has Jun’s heart pounding with an inexplicable thrill… And fear. There is something beautiful and fearful about the dissimilarity of reality and Wonderland, and being alone heightens the latter aspect.  
  
Unsurprisingly, there is no sign of Caterpillar-Aiba at the green, waxy mushrooms; once again, there are cake crumbs scattered around the forest floor, but no note left behind for Jun. Jun doesn’t stay too long in the area, and hurries along the glowing path. Perhaps Jun should have noticed how quickly he reaches the end of the Button Mushroom forest compared to when he first passed through it, but he is too curious about what lies at the lake-side to notice such a difference.  
  
Silence greets him at the grass plains, the lake waters sparkling a pretty cobalt blue as Jun forces himself to slow down, blinking meaningfully at the clear waters from the edge of the pool. Jun has always been a sucker for pretty things, and he cannot waste the opportunity to admire the glistening surface. It is, after all, a rare occurrence for Jun to be so close to a natural water body - or well, as natural as a lake in Wonderland can be. With a busy occupation that requires him to be situated in Tokyo everyday, there is no time for Jun to schedule a trip to a distant city in Gunma or Aomori for a much-needed vacation and an immersive experience with nature.  
  
Admittedly, Jun doesn’t like real-life nature that much either, but this, he can enjoy - turf grass soft enough to sleep on, and no insects that are out to suck his blood or crawl into his clothes. Even the waters tempt him to jump in with its clarity. When Jun leans for a closer look for the lake bottom, he sucks in a breath at the realization that there is no visible end to the lake, merely an unending pool of blue that darkens and pulses at the deepest depths.  
  
_Pretty._  
  
A strong temptation to take a dip overtakes Jun. Sticking his hand into the waters, Jun is pleasantly surprised at the warm temperature. It is comfortable enough for him to swim in, he is sure, but simultaneously, the thought of possibly marring the pellucid waters makes him balk.  
  
Nevertheless, the slow lapping of water against his fingers tempt Jun in. Perhaps another time, Jun thinks mournfully as he pulls his hand out, and waves away the dripping moisture. For now, he should make his way to the Tea Party, he affirms mentally as he continues his slow amble towards the Chanterelle mushrooms.  
  
But not without casting another look of fascination at the lake.  
  
++  
The Madhouse.  
  
That’s what Cheshire-Nino called it, isn’t it?  
  
Jun can see what Cheshire-Nino meant now when he dubbed the entire Tea Party crew The Madhouse (and inadvertently including himself under that subset). As about 5 different slices of cake are pushed into his direction by Hatter-Toma, and while White Rabbit-Shun is crouched above his pocket-watch, Jun wonders with bewilderment, how his brain is mentally capable of concocting such elaborate dreams.  
  
At the head of the table, Caterpillar-Aiba, Dormouse-Ohno and Cheshire-Nino are manning takoyaki grills and arguing over the validity of using roll cakes as a filling for takoyaki. The mouse and cat ears, as well as feelers look extremely odd when their owners are wearing hachimaki* across their foreheads, but Jun supposes he can overlook it just this once, especially since he has the March Hare trying to sneak a hand into his pants.  
  
Jun should be more specific: The March Hare in Wonderland is Kiko with a pair of rabbit - hare, Jun quickly corrects himself - ears. Of course, the type of ears nor the species clearly isn’t that important if Kiko is making invitations for Jun to _go down her rabbit hole._  
  
Being the testosterone-fuelled man he is, and given how pretty she is (as well as the fact that she is sober - Jun isn’t going to consider madness right now), the sinuous drape of her body against Jun has his fingers twitching. Exhibitionism isn’t a kink of his, however, even if no one is really paying attention to them.  
  
He breathes a sigh of relief when Cheshire-Nino calls out to her. “Oi, March Rabbit - take your hands off Alice. Not you, White Rabbit. Go back to your watch.” Jun cracks a smile at the frustrated huff White Rabbit-Shun makes as he returns to his pocket watch, gloved hands delicately using a pair of forceps to hold a gear up to the sky, monocle reflecting light into Jun’s eyes.  
  
“I’m not a rabbit.” Kiko complains with a pout as she sits up properly to grab her cup of iced lemon tea, and lightly points to her long, slightly floppy ears. “White Rabbit is the one with the fluffy tail and shorter ears.”  
  
“You seemed to have no qualms asking Alice to go down your rabbit hole, Hare.” Cheshire-Nino comments dryly. Jun blushes to the tips of his ears, and gingerly inches away from the March Hare. “You know, it’s too late in the year for you to be this… _Mad._ The Red King will have your head if you make it past Alice’s pants zipper, just thought you should know.”  
  
Once again, there is that reference to the Red King and his possession of Jun. Jun is tempted to kiss March-Hare Kiko just to tempt fate, but it is hardly fair for her to be punished for a kiss, assuming Cheshire-Nino is being literal and truthful. Jun has a lot of doubt that the Red King is capable of decapitation, even so, Jun is not curious enough, nor that attracted to the Hare to want to kiss her.  
  
“Is mad the new euphemism for horny?” Caterpillar-Aiba stage-whispers conspiratorially to Dormouse-Ohno, and the smaller man chokes mid-swallow of his tea. March Hare-Kiko ignores the interjection gracefully (or is it obtusely, Jun wonders), as she crosses her ankles daintily and looks admiringly towards Jun.  
  
“But Alice looks so… Delicious.” She licks her lips. “Like the finest opera cake.”  
  
Hatter-Toma breaks out in laughter at the observation. “Opera cake? Maybe a shortcake.” He comments with a cackle, and Jun wonders if it is in good taste to throw cake at the host of the Tea Party.  
  
“You’re all wrong. Alice is cheesecake, obviously.” Caterpillar Aiba adds with a thoughtful expression, and is met with sounds of approval. Jun wonders if every night in Wonderland will be a Tease-Alice-night.  
  
“I feel deeply offended to be considered a cake.” Jun swiftly cuts in before anyone else decides to add their two-cents into the conversation. “If today is grope-and-tease-Alice day, I’m going to go explore Wonderland instead.”  
  
“You don’t want our takoyaki?” Dormouse-Ohno lifts a bamboo boat bowl filled with the round, dubious looking balls. Jun looks at them with wariness, especially since he knows that at least one of those has pickled ginger in it, and the mayonnaise-looking dressing is pudding. Dormouse-Ohno’s whiskers twitch slightly, and the takoyaki trio suddenly gazes at Jun with wide eyes, as though betrayed.  
  
Jun returns their puppy-eyes with a wide-eyed expression. He isn't keen on getting a stomachache, and looks helplessly at the others for help, only to find them all suddenly distracted with refilling tea-cups and the reparations of hats.  
  
“Dormouse, Caterpillar - you aren't looking to give Alice food poisoning, now are you?”  
  
An unfamiliar, smooth baritone cuts into the mildly chaotic atmosphere, and everyone looks up with expressions of delight - even the deeply concentrated White Rabbit-Shun looks up from his gears. But whereas everyone else greets the intruder with friendliness, Jun freezes in his seat, heart thrumming with a sudden burst of nerves and fingers clenching his armchair.  
  
There is only one person this man can be, Jun is sure, with a low voice that Jun feels like he has heard before, but knows to be impossible; Jun could not hear his voice after all, that first time in SerendipiTea, yet Jun has no doubt that it belongs to the Red King. Nevertheless, Jun fixes his eyes to the lace tablecloth in front of him, and remains silent as the stranger walks behind him.  
  
“No 'hello’ for me, Alice?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hachimaki - Helmet scarves, as seen worn by people who cook food during Japanese festivals (worn across foreheads)


	4. On every golden scale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating has been increased to NC-17/Explicit.

**Chapter 4: On every golden scale.  
**   
_~ “I make no promises, Caterpillar.” // “No 'hello’ for me, Alice?” ~_

  
  
Jun wonders why he is feeling so nervous in the Red King’s presence when the man is virtually a stranger to him. Yet, when an errant wind blows across the clearing and carries along with it a very familiar fragrance, Jun inhales sharply, and his toes curl.  
  
Is it bad that Jun wants to get close to a man he knows nothing about? It does not even feel like something as naive as a high school puppy love, rather a genuine crave for this man.  
  
But what is Jun talking about - he has not even seen the man’s face yet.  
  
The Red King - and Jun really needs to find a better name for him, because Jun is not going to call him the Red King - continues to walk behind him and around the length of the table despite Jun’s silence. His steps are soft, but there is a rustle of heavy fabric as he moves and settles in the seat across from Jun. It is only then does Jun look up, and his breath catches.  
  
The Red King is indeed the man Jun saw on his first night. Even if Jun has only seen the man’s side profile, he can recognize the soft, permanent pout of the Red King’s lips, as well as the strong jaw. Unfortunately, Jun’s recognition of him ends there, but Jun finds his breath stolen as he takes a long look at the Red King’s facial features. The silver stud piercing in his ear is what first attracts Jun’s attention, stark and glinting in the light. His hair is not overly short, but cut to a neat length with the occasional stray wisp of hair at his neck and ears. A soft wave of black hair partially covers his forehead, accentuating his eyes - his irises appear black from where Jun is seated - and the intense, unreadable gaze that he casts over Jun as he pointedly lets his eyes scan Jun.  
  
He is handsome - and not too far from Jun in terms of age. But besides his face (Jun is going to pretend that he does notice how strong the Red King’s neck looks), Jun is mildly disappointed that he cannot have a better look (or appreciation) of the rest of the Red King’s body, for the man’s clothing hides everything else. His clothing is not more elaborate nor garish than Cheshire-Nino’s bright yellow suit, but it is subtly flamboyant, if such a state can even exist. The inner layer consists of a suspiciously neat and normal-looking white shirt, covered partly by a snug black waistcoat that has finely embroidered fleurs-de-lis embellished in a metallic dark red thread.  
  
Jun supposes he can see where the ‘red’ of ‘Red King’ comes from. The long, rippling coat that the Red King wears is made of a deep burgundy fabric, paired with a red, checked fabric in a brighter shade for the front coat panels and appliques of card-suits to add the Wonderland quirkiness that is missing in his outfit. All in all, the man indirectly demands Jun’s attention, his charismatic aura drawing a caught breath from Jun’s throat when the Red King leans forward to rest his chin on a propped-up hand. The Red King smiles in a way that is not a smirk, but Jun tenses anyway, eyes slightly wide.  
  
Surely, this is not the man who has somehow decided to mark Jun as his - a devilishly handsome and charming man like the Red King cannot be attracted to such a boring person.  
  
“I’m still waiting for that ‘hello’, Alice.”  
  
Jun swallows, throat suddenly dry with the way all the attention - including that of the Tea Party members - is directed at him. However, he does not want his unease to show, and Jun licks his lips before responding, “I cannot greet someone whose name I do not know.”  
  
From the other corner of the table, Hatter-Toma chokes and spits out his tea in the most unglamorous manner, before muffling his laughter behind his gloved hand. The Red King does not seem offended by the remark; instead, his smile widens into a toothy grin that has Jun’s heart faltering unsteadily.  
  
“My apologies, Alice. I thought my compatriots would have informed you of my identity. I’m the Red King, of course.” He smoothly replies, and Jun blinks at the answer.  
  
“What do I call you, then?”  
  
“What?” The Red King looks confused, but Jun doesn’t let that stop him with his following, admittedly brutal explanation.  
  
“I can’t call you ‘Red King’ all the time. That’s the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard.” Jun deadpans, and feel unexplainably pleased when Cheshire-Nino breaks into cackles, and Caterpillar-Aiba trades a look of mirth with Dormouse-Ohno. Even the Red King seems amused with the statement, although a darker emotion swirls in his eyes as well. The look changes into something cold when March Hare-Kiko rests a delicate hand on Jun’s thigh while she laughs.  
  
Jun isn’t the only one to notice the change. March Hare-Kiko seems to realize her mistake about the same time White Rabbit-Shun coughs pointedly in her direction, and she retracts her hand sharply with an apologetic ‘oops’ towards the Red King’s direction. “My mistake, sorry.”  
  
Of course, the blatant sign of possessiveness stirs two main emotions within Jun - one is easy to identify: annoyance, but the other emotion is more difficult to ascertain. Warmth settles in his stomach at the action as well, although Jun instinctively directs an apologetic smile to the March Hare. She waves it off with a graceful shake of her head.  
  
“Can I have some privacy with Alice, please?” The Red King asks softly, but it is less of a request than it is an order. When no one moves, he adds strongly, “Now.”  
  
“Can’t we call you by something else too, Red King?” Cheshire-Nino teases as he undoes his hachimaki and ruffles his hair with a small hand. His blond hair sticks up unflatteringly, but he does not care as he wears his yellow top-hat and stands. Automatically, the others follow him, even White Rabbit-Shun who borrows the Hatter’s top hat as a container for his pocket watch parts. Jun’s eyes flicker pleadingly at the March Hare and Hatter-Toma when they rise from where they were flanking Jun - Jun isn’t sure he wants to be left alone with the Red King - but it only earns him a reassuring pat on his shoulders as they leave.  
  
“See you later, Alice.”  
  
“We put cake in the takoyaki, Red King. You should try it later.” Caterpillar-Aiba adds cheerfully as he grabs Cheshire-Nino by the shoulders and meaningfully steers him towards the Chanterelle mushrooms. “See you, Alice!”  
  
“Don’t bother turning invisible, Cheshire.” The Red King comments off-handedly when Cheshire-Nino whines at being left out of the fun. The Red King’s eyes do not leave Jun when he adds in a friendly manner, “I will know. And I _will_ skin you.”  
  
“Fine - take away all our fun.” is the last thing Jun hears before Dormouse-Ohno hurriedly slaps his hand over Cheshire-Nino’s mouth and pushes him into the forest with a sheepish grin.  
  
Silence descends between them, and Jun’s hand trembles slightly when he reaches for a teapot to pour himself a cup of tea. The Red King simply watches, unmoving, and Jun forces himself to take a swig of his cold tea to calm himself. He wishes alcohol was a thing in Wonderland, really.  
  
“So, what can I call you, then?” Jun manages after several tense moments of silence - it is only tense for Jun, of course. The Red King doesn’t seem deterred at all.  
  
“You can call me Red.” The Red King - or, rather, _Red_ \- purrs, sounding amused as he relaxes into his seat, and snaps his fingers. A stem glass filled with a deep garnet wine instantly materializes in the air, floating long enough for Red to grab it and swirl it with a smug confidence, as though he has read Jun’s mind and desire for alcohol. Jun merely stares, but keeps his silence. “So, Alice—”  
  
“My name is not Alice.” Jun interrupts, tilting his chin upwards in a subtle challenge. Red might be keen on using his pseudonym, but Jun doesn’t like being referred to by any name except his own. While the others seem incessant in calling him Alice, there is something in the way Red tilts his head in response that hints that Red is not like the others. “It’s Jun. I’d prefer it if you call me Jun.”  
  
“Jun.” The way his name rolls in Red’s smooth baritone sends a shiver down Jun’s back. “It is a rule in Wonderland to not use real names, Jun. A very important rule.”  
  
“I realized that, _Red._ ” Jun responds drily, and relaxes incrementally in his seat. “But I’m sure you can bend that rule for me.”  
  
Red shoots Jun a boyish grin. “Just in private. The last thing I need is rule-breakers in Wonderland. But you are right - I will bend that rule for you, Jun - and only just for you.”  
  
There is that niggling feeling again, emerging from that verbal declaration of being special to Red. It is one thing to have heard it from others, but hearing it directly from the mouth of Red has Jun doubting himself once again (even if it is just a figment of Jun’s imagination). “Why?” Jun blurts out his thoughts in an ungraceful manner, but he is too curious to care. “Why just for me?”  
  
The boyish grin fades into a small secretive smile, one that Red hides behind his wine glass. “So, what do you think of Wonderland?” He reaches for a pair of chopsticks in the mess of a cutlery box on the table, and grabs the bowl of takoyaki with less alarm than what Jun feels is appropriate.  
  
“It’s fascinating. Very pretty.” He rushes, eyes glued to the manner Red picks up a takoyaki with barely restrained eagerness - Jun feels like it is his responsibility to warn Red, and hurriedly adds, “that might have pickled ginger in it.”  
  
Red merely waves Jun off as he chomps away half of the ball in a single bite, lips stretching over the sphere in a manner that makes Jun shuffle uncomfortably. “This one is with cheesecake. It’s fine. I’ve had worse.” Red mutters around a full mouth. _Cute,_ Jun thinks, but he quickly corrects himself. “What is fascinating?”  
  
“The forest. The clouds. The lake. The plants…”  
  
“The castle?” Red phrases the question innocently, but Jun remembers what Cheshire-Nino mentioned of the castle, as well as his own natural reaction to the ominous-looking castle in the distance - Jun has been interested, but there is no reason forJun to be entirely honest with Red.  
  
“Not at all. A bit too flashy for my tastes.” Jun quips, reaching for a safe-looking castella in front of him. Red doesn’t seem to react negatively to his denial, instead chuckling softly at his answer as he rests his used chopsticks at the edge of the bowl. Jun is half-certain that the man knows that Jun is lying.  
  
“That’s a shame - I quite like how foreboding it looks, actually. Keeps people away.”  
  
Jun pauses, and suddenly remembers the boring, solitary existence that is his current life. “Wouldn’t that be lonely?”  
  
Red looks up at Jun’s question, and cocks his head slightly. The coldness in Red’s eyes seem to melt into a warm affection, but that could simply be Jun’s imagination, especially when the man suddenly stands, his coat flapping behind him. Jun involuntarily stands as well, half-eaten castella left on his plate as Red gestures back in the direction of the button mushroom forest. “Let’s go. The Madhouse will be back soon - they’re really impatient, unfortunately.”  
  
Jun’s question still remains unanswered, but that doesn’t really bother him. Or rather, it bothers him less than he thought it would. “Where are we going?”  
  
It is strange how Jun’s questions bypass ‘What do you want from me?’, ‘Why me?’ and ‘Why should I go with you?’. He takes no notice of it, and neither does Red.  
  
Red turns just enough for his Jun to see his side profile, eyes half-hooded and molten. “Where do you want to go? Or would you prefer staying here with the others while they interrogate you about my response to their takoyaki, or how well I ravished you?”  
  
“But you didn’t ravish me.” Jun’s forehead pinches together in confusion and his cheeks colour at the implication. He has zero intentions of staying without learning more about Red, and the prospects of a metaphorical Spanish Inquisition helps Jun make up his mind.  
  
“Not yet, you mean.” Red raises his hand to plaintively pick at his fingernails, and Jun freezes, heart skipping a bit and face warming to a deep flush; Red doesn’t seem to care, looking up with the most heart-stopping smile, one full of invitation. “But, by all means, you can try convincing them of that.”  
  
Despite his words, Red extends his hand towards Jun, as though an encouragement for Jun to come with him instead.  
  
“I…” Jun stutters, and momentarily glances at the currently empty Tea Party table, then back at Red’s handsome face, as well as his outstretched hand, tempting Jun to take it. Jun has two options, and both lead him to a metaphorical pool of sharks. There is the slightly mad pool of harmless, small sharks… And then there is the one single, deadly and handsome ‘shark’ that is keen on devouring Jun. Hesitancy has been in the forefront of Jun’s mind prior to today’s meeting, yet now that he has met Red… Jun doesn’t see any harm in getting closer to the mysterious man. It is likely the lesser of the two evils, Jun guesses, even as his brain tells him to flee - to run to safety.  
  
But safe is boring... And his family has always said that he has no sense of self-preservation.  
  
Jun takes Red’s hand - the skin under his is rough but warm - and blinks slowly, as though in a daze, when the long fingers curl around Jun’s own hand. The strong grip is not oppressive or too tight, but is filled with unspoken promises. Jun’s heart flutters just ever so slightly, and he pushes away the remnants of uncertainty as he lets himself be led back in the direction in which he had come from.  
  
“Where do you want to go?”  
  
Jun remembers the dazzling strip of maitake, a fiery explosion of sunset-coloured mushrooms leading up to the castle. He doesn’t want to visit the castle just yet - that puts him too close to Red’s domain.  
  
“I haven’t seen the Sunset Boulevard up-close.”  
  
++  
Yellow, orange, _red._  
  
The colours of the sunset bleed into each other like the autumn leaves, an explosion of saturated colours that dulls the rest of Wonderland now that Jun is inside the tunnel that is the Sunset Boulevard. Much like the way the trees are shaped to converge into picturesque tunnels, the brilliant coloured maitake flanks the entire length of the thoroughfare and curls inwards to the middle. The azure sky is still very much visible, letting in enough light to illuminate the turf, and Jun gapes as Red leads him out of the dark by his hand.  
  
His free palm caresses a bright red stalk - the texture is smooth but soft, and the mushroom thrums beneath his fingers, warm and a proof of life.  
  
Wonderland never ceases to amaze Jun.  
  
“It’s beautiful.” Jun murmurs as he drags his fingers across the surface, and lets Red slowly tug him forward inside the tunnel. He turns to Red, unable to hold in his wonder and awe. “It’s so beautiful. Did you create this, Red? Wonderland is yours, isn’t it?”  
  
“Did I?” Red’s response is tinged with amusement and nonchalance as he tightens his grip on Jun’s hand. “It depends on your perception of Wonderland - You think that Wonderland is your dream, isn’t it?”  
  
Jun stops walking at the reminder, and Red stops along with him. Jun frowns - that certainly is true - Wonderland is Jun’s dream, although there is something suspicious in the way Red phrases the question. _‘You think that Wonderland is your dream…’_ Jun doesn’t think - he knows this fact. Ignoring that strange phrasing, Jun releases Red’s hand to hide his yawn behind his palm, and shakes his head.  
  
“It might be my dream, but a boring person like me certainly cannot think of such wonders. My life is too mundane for this.”  
  
Red’s sharp look and frown surprises Jun. When his companion takes a step forward towards Jun, Jun’s instinctive reaction is to back away from Red, eyes wide. “Who says you’re boring?” Red’s voice is low, but it does not sound angry.  
  
Jun’s back hits the broad stalk of one of the looming mushrooms, and a soft squeak escapes him when Red comes in far closer than what Jun is comfortable with. Jun’s voice is shaky when he answers, “N-no one. But it’s quite an obvious fact, isn’t it?”  
  
The heady fragrance of Red is intoxicating given their closeness as Red leans over to rest his hand against the mushroom stalk behind Jun. Jun should do something besides standing there and looking helpless and trapped, but all he manages is a sharp inhale that overwhelms his senses with Red - _redredred_ ; of the colour of that single special drop before it bleeds into Bliss, of blood, and of Red’s lips as they come closer to Jun’s face… Only to turn away and blow warm, moist air into Jun’s ear.  
  
Jun’s body thrums at their intimate position - he has just met Red for the first time today, after all, and the thought sends a thrill down Jun’s spine. There is an unfathomable desire to tempt fate (or rather, test it), and so Jun turns his head, ever so slightly, to allow their cheeks to just _nearly_ graze each other - a distance small enough for him to feel the warmth of Red against his face, and the minute tendrils of electricity passing between them. Something within Jun stirs, and it is not an unpleasant stirring at all.  
  
“I don’t think you’re a boring person at all.” Red all but purrs into Jun’s ear. A shiver passes down Jun’s spine, and his body jerks just slightly at the honeyed voice; In his mind, the assessment seems too polished to be sincere, but there is obvious intent in the way Red’s other hand comes to rest on Jun’s hip, and _squeezes,_ ever so teasingly. “I find you very interesting.”  
  
A yawn bubbles up in Jun’s chest - and Jun internally curses at how inappropriate the timing is - but it is stifled when Red presses a leg between Jun’s closed ones, bringing their bodies so close to each other that Jun can scarcely breathe. Instead, the quietest of moans escape him, and his hands twitch uselessly at his sides while his brain searches for more appropriate responses besides ‘please’.  
  
Jun doesn’t know exactly what it is he is asking for.  
  
Instead, he manages a choked “why?” just as Red buries his nose into Jun’s neck, and inhales deeply, as though _Jun_ is the one who smells potent and alluring.  
  
“Hmm?” Red hums, still unrepentant as his nose rubs against the sensitive skin of Jun’s neck. With their proximity, Jun easily detects the vibrations from Red’s questioning sound, and it perplexes Jun - if he has the mental capacity to do so right then - how the sensation itself garners the most intense of responses from Jun. His legs part ever so slightly, and his palms begin to sweat as nervous arousal sweeps through Jun like a growing forest fire. A familiar coil of pleasure settles at the base of his spine and in his nether regions, when Red’s hands slip down to rub slow circles on his hips, as though holding their bodies together in a possessive but tender grip.  
  
Nevertheless, Jun has to ask: “Why me? Why did you choose me?”  
  
When Red looks up, Jun feels an irrational sense of delight at the sight of Red’s dilated pupils. Red’s voice is gravelly when he replies, “Because you make me curious… And you chose to return to Wonderland, didn’t you? To find me.”  
  
There is no note of arrogance - simply a reverence that makes Jun’s body feel hotter. There is no point in denying the truth, Jun decides then.  
  
Not when Red grabs onto Jun’s chin and tilts it up ever so slightly. Jun does not fight back - and he does not want to - when soft lips touch his, his eyes fluttering close at the kiss. He lets out a soft sound that he hopes is not a whimper when Red’s lips briefly part to lick at Jun’s bottom lip. Hands seeking something more solid than air to hold onto, Jun blinding reaches out to clutch onto Red’s coat, the heavy fabric likely resilient enough to withstand Jun’s bruising grip. Red is considerate, but firm when he tests at the soft parting of Jun’s mouth with the tip of his tongue; the action stirs up a long-forgotten longing and desire for _more,_ and Jun is almost too eager in the way he opens his mouth wider for Red, inviting the man to ravage him.  
  
To which, Red does, of course, with the manner the hot and slick muscle enters Jun’s mouth and runs across the edges of his teeth, leaving Jun whining and hot.  
  
Unconsciously, his hips begin to roll against Red’s in tiny, short jerks that do nothing to alleviate the burgeoning pressure in his loins. Even with the suggestive motions, Red remains unmoving besides his mouth against Jun’s; the only indication of Red’s arousal is the obvious bulge that presses against Jun’s thigh, close to where Jun’s own arousal is slowly rutting against Red’s thigh.  
  
But just as the heat of passion sweeps over the pair, Jun’s prior drowsiness returns in full force, like a solid wall of torpor crashing into his mind and shutting down most of Jun’s bodily control - including that of his legs. Knees buckling and hands falling limp, Jun makes a sound of distress just as greyness creeps over the edge of his vision like a vignette. Despite the sudden rush of weakness, Jun does not end up falling onto the ground - Red seems to have anticipated his collapse, and wraps his strong arms around Jun’s waist to hold him up. His kisses soften into something more sweet and chaste, but Jun is unsure of which kind of kiss he prefers. He is too busy struggling in a fight he knows he will lose.  
  
Red is no longer kissing Jun when the darkness sweeps over him; instead, Jun registers a large hand cupping the side of his head, followed by a callused thumb stroking his cheekbone. Then, just before he falls asleep - or wakes up, in reality - Jun hears a gentle chuckle. “Sweet dreams, my Alice.”  
  
++  
Jun is out of breath and sweaty when he wakes up. His hands are tightly grasping his blankets, and his body thrums with a powerful desire for someone, but there is no one in the room with him. It is just him alone in his bedroom, silence ringing in his ears along with the soft sound of clinking glass from the streets outside Jun’s apartment - the milkman, doing his weekend deliveries. His body feels too hot, and Jun feels as though he has been robbed of something wonderful when his morning wood throbs with dissatisfaction.  
  
Jun peeks up to blearily check the time on his bedside clock and groans when he sees the time. It is just past 9 in the morning - not too far from his usual wake up time in the mornings, but early for someone who went to bed slightly after 3 am. Unfortunately, there is no way for Jun to go back to sleep now, as he blearily glares at lower body for disallowing him a return to sleep without receiving some attention.  
  
_Red._  
  
The familiar, handsome face pops up in Jun’s head once again, and Jun lifts his hand to his lips. His fingers caress the sensitive skin there, remembering the press of Red’s lips vividly, as well as the bold sweep of Red’s tongue in Jun’s mouth - as though Red was hungry for Jun. The thought makes Jun’s body hotter, cock stiffening even further in his boxers as he lets out a breathy moan.  
  
Today is the weekend anyway - Jun can take his time with this.  
  
His heater has already switched on automatically an hour ago, leaving the room a comfortable temperature for Jun to kick away his blanket. Impatience gets the better of him, as Jun swiftly removes his boxers and groans when his hand accidentally brushes against the hard organ, swollen with arousal and need for a touch.  
  
Or rather, a specific someone’s touch, but Jun will have to settle for his own hand this time. Wrapping his hand around his apparent erection, Jun breathes out a soft sigh of pleasure as he begins to stroke himself leisurely, occasionally swiping his thumb against his leaking slit and spreading the slick precum around the glans. Closing his eyes, Jun sneaks his other hand beneath his cotton shirt to gently thumb at his erect nipples. In the darkness that is his vision, Jun can pretend that it is Red who is doing this to him - a continuation of their previous interaction - as Red runs his calloused fingers along the length of Jun’s chest to count every bump of his ribs beneath the skin, intentionally teasing, then pinching at the pert nipples to incite a louder reaction from Jun.  
  
Jun lets out a moan as he plays out his imagination, quickly graduating from teasing rubs and pinches to the rough rubbing of the heel of his palm against the sensitive nubs. His strokes grow increasingly fast as Jun imagines a phantom touch playing with his body instead of his own hands. He can almost hear Red’s low voice in his ear, encouraging him to go faster and praising Jun; the potent scent thick in the atmosphere as Jun arches his hips into his hand.  
  
A stray thought enters his mind, and Jun whines as he plants his feet on the mattress and parts his legs in a manner that can only be described as obscene and embarrassing, but Jun is too occupied with his fantasies. He inserts a single finger into his mouth, and sucks desperately, pretending that it is Red’s finger inside his mouth and not his own. When the appendage is wet enough, Jun is so strung up that he does not even think when he brings his hand between his legs. A strangled moan escapes Jun when he accidentally grazes his swollen scrotum with the cooling saliva on his finger, but Jun does not let that stop him. The image of Red doing this to Jun - being near him and playing with his body - is so vivid behind his closed lids that Jun cannot stop. Not even when his breaths come out as punctuated gasps, body trembling as the pleasurable tension builds low in his belly.  
  
Red would tease Jun like this, Jun is sure. He would play with Jun’s body like a violin, dragging him close to edge, and when Jun is just a hair’s breadth away from coming…  
  
Jun barely manages to press the tip of his finger into his opening before he is coming. The orgasm takes him by surprise, intense as the pleasure ravages his body and sends his toes curling against the sheets. At the last second, Jun catches himself, and half of his loud moan is muffled into his soft pillow as his body jerks, overtaken by euphoria.  
  
When his breathing slows, and the silence once again reminds Jun of his loneliness, Jun can only look at his dirtied hand and shirt with partial bitterness. He is already impatient to return to Wonderland and meet Red again, as irrational as the thought sounds in his head. However, as he sits up and scans his bedroom with hollow eyes, his heart sinks at the reminder of the banality of his life. He cannot let the thoughts of Wonderland plague him excessively. Wonderland is Wonderland, and real life is what is more important, as… Boring as it is - Jun should not forget that. His open laptop on his desk is a reminder of his work and deadlines, even as the darkened screen stares at him.  
  
Sighing, Jun slides out of bed, and heads to the bathroom for a much-needed shower.  
  
++  
The Red King is picking up his coat from the ground when Dormouse-Ohno enters the Boulevard mid-yawn. There is a smear of crème at the corner of his mouth, and cookie crumbs on his whiskers.  
  
“Alice is gone?”  
  
“Just several minutes ago.” The Red King confirms with a wisp of longing as he puts on his coat. “The others?”  
  
“White Rabbit and Hatter fell asleep when I left the Tea Party.” Dormouse shuffles nervously, before looking up at the Red King with wariness. “Was everything alright?”  
  
What he means to ask is if Red scared Alice, of course, but there is no way Dormouse-Ohno is going to phrase the question as blatantly as that. Alice seems promising, with the manner he behaves towards Red - Dormouse-Ohno can see why Alice attracted the Red King’s attention in the first place.  
  
He has always been different from the Madhouse: Besides their difference in positions, he has always been left out, either unintentionally, or through self-isolation,despite the Madhouse’s efforts to involve their ‘king’ in their parties. Now, there is an unfamiliar stirring of emotions in the Red King’s eyes as he looks at the sky.  
  
“Everything went well.” He murmurs, lost in thought as the first sign of a smile creeps onto the edges of his lips.  
  
++  
Jun realizes that the mundanity of life always makes itself more prominent after a visit to Wonderland. Or rather, he has never been as conscious of how slow life can be until after he fell into Wonderland. Even if Jun enjoys his work and how there is always room for creativity with each publication cycle, the feeling of inadequacy is palpable in Jun’s thoughts.  
  
But who is Jun kidding - it has only been 3 days since Jun met Red King in his dreams, and here he is, already half tempted to go to SerendipiTea at night and ask for Bliss once again. Jun doesn’t know where that thought, or assumption, comes from, but he can put two and two together: Every time he goes to SerendipiTea, he ends up in Wonderland when he goes to sleep. Therefore, if Jun wants to go to Wonderland…  
  
It is an inopportune timing that he is smack in the middle of a publication cycle, however, which means that it is entirely irresponsible if Jun decides to have a drink in the middle of week. Instead, he reluctantly decides to wait for Friday night to do so. With that thought, Jun pushes Wonderland into the recesses of his mind, and continues to stare at the half-written column in front of him, mind blank of ideas.  
  
“Hey, Jun.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jun looks up from the glaringly white screen of his desktop questioningly, eyes grateful for the break. “What is it?”  
  
“We’re planning to go for lunch now,” Toma gestures to the rest of their small department, before pointing at the clock on Jun’s table when Jun shoots him a look of confusion. “It’s past noon, if you haven’t noticed. I haven’t heard a single peep from you since morning, is everything okay?”  
  
Jun merely leans against the back of his chair and waves to his desktop as he runs a tired hand through his hair. “I’ve hit a block with the column.” And been hopelessly distracted. “I would join you all, but I should try to get most of this done…”  
  
He receives a knowing wince in response, and Jun helpfully turns the screen to his colleague’s direction when Toma tilts his head to look at his progress. “I think I’m going at this from an entirely wrong angle. I’ll probably have to rewrite it.”  
  
“It looks fine to me… But I can see where you might have run out of ideas.” Toma comments as he does a quick once-over on the document. “Why not have lunch with us anyway - maybe you just need a break and some food to get your pretty head running again.”  
  
Jun considers the offer with a tilt of his head, and looks, once again, at his half-written column. There is merit in Toma’s words, despite Jun very much disliking delaying an assignment that has to be completed by the end of the week. But there is no real point in mulling over words he does not currently have.  
  
“Sure. And don’t call me pretty.”  
  
++  
Friday.  
  
As it usually is with publication cycles, the department’s workload increases exponentially as the deadline looms closer, and Jun becomes busy enough to forget about Wonderland for the rest of the week. There are too many journalists to chase for articles, and draft-covers to edit, but Jun can finally breathe at 6 pm. on Friday evening, when the rest of his half-dead employees nod their good-byes and excuses to him.  
  
They are all tired, Jun knows - but the weekend is the last time for them to get a full 8 hours of sleep before they approach the end of the publication cycle. Next week, Jun imagines he will be staying in the office past midnight, unless a miracle is to occur.  
  
He is nearly done with his column, although it amuses him to no end that he has used Wonderland as an inspiration for his topic. While he has plans to finish it by the end of the night, ideally after he gets back to his apartment and has relaxed, there is no reason why Jun cannot visit SerendipiTea. Toma left earlier, citing a date as his reason, and Jun did not bother grilling him; if Jun is to visit the bar at this time, the establishment is likely to be quiet and devoid of people, leaving him with the opportunity to talk to Nino or Ohno.  
  
Or will he be able to meet the mysterious Red King? The thought sends blood rushing to Jun’s cheeks, but he cannot hide the trepidation the notion brings. What benefit will it bring exactly, should Jun meet the mysterious patron in the bar who made Jun an exception? Furthermore, how is Jun to assume that said patron and Red King share similar thoughts? Jun smiles bitterly to himself at the reminder - if Wonderland is his dream, then the manifestation of the Red King is all in his head… a sign of sexual frustration, perhaps? Jun considers the possibility of the painful realization, but wills it away.  
  
There is something peculiar about Wonderland that hints to Jun that it is something more than a dream, but Jun cannot think of a rational explanation for it. There are too many coincidences, such as Kiko, Shun and Toma appearing in Wonderland the same night they had drinks in SerendipiTea. It is one of the reasons why Jun wants to talk to the barkeeps - neither Shun nor Toma have mentioned having such peculiar dreams, but Jun cannot be the only one to have them, can he?  
  
With that thought in mind, Jun grabs his bag and hurries out of his workplace; if he wants answers, waiting for a crowded bar isn’t going to help him get them.  
  
++  
Jun stops short of the door when he sees that the bar will be closed from 8 pm onwards for a reservation, surprised. He wonders what sort of individual is able to book an entire bar for their private use, but Jun supposes it is not his business.   
  
The bar is empty, as Jun expected, when he pushes the heavy door open. There is a wave of disappointment at the lack of a specific company that goes through Jun, which he ignores ignores, but Nino and Ohno greet him with friendly familiarity as they arrange they are polishing the alcohol bottles and teapots on the shelf.  
  
“You’re pretty early.” Nino comments simply as Ohno pours Jun a glass of water. “Most people go to bars a bit later in the evening, you know.”  
  
“You’re closed in the evening today.” Jun points out, and rolls his eyes as Nino waves his hand dismissively. Jun decides to skip the formalities - he has a column to finish tonight after all. “I have questions.”  
  
“Of course, you do.” Nino grumbles as Ohno pushes him forward helpfully, before excusing himself to prepare for the reservation later in the evening. It surprises Jun that they haven’t asked him for a drink yet, as though they have foreseen the motive of his visit, but Jun should not have doubted their sharpness. When Nino fishes out a DS from his back pocket, Jun only blinks wide-eyed at the gaming device. Gaming... Isn’t Cheshire-Nino an avid gamer as well? Jun shakes his head at the dubiety at that thought. Just another coincidence, or perhaps Jun has seen Nino holding such a device before. Nino raises his eyebrow at Jun’s gobsmacked expression, and asks distractedly, “What is it?”  
  
“Have you… Ever played that at work?” Jun continues to stare at the device.  
  
“I’m not allowed to when there’s customers.”  
  
“And I’m not a customer?” Jun mumbles as he rests his arms on the bar counter, mind whirling slightly.  
  
“You wanted to talk, didn’t you?” Soft digital music emanates from the DS, and Nino’s eyes are lit from the reflection of the bright screen. “So, talk.”  
  
Licking his suddenly dry lips, Jun considers his next words properly. He does not want to sound like a lunatic after all. “Don’t… Call me mad, but I’ve been having these really vivid dreams where I’m in Wonderland.”  
  
“Maybe you should cut down on the caffeine before bed then.” Nino comments distractedly, barely looking up from this DS screen. When Jun looks up sharply to deny that accusation, he stops short of himself – Nino has that Cheshire grin once again, clearly just jesting with Jun. “I’m kidding. Carry on.”  
  
“As I was saying,” Jun starts slowly, eyes narrow, “the dreams have been really vivid and… the people that show up in Wonderland –”  
  
“Wonderlanders?” Ohno pipes up cheerfully from the other side of the bar, earning a snort and a ‘shh’ from Nino.  
  
“—some of them… I met in Wonderland even before I saw them in real life. And when I meet them, it’s generally in this very bar.” Jun finishes, and the bar descends into a sudden silence that is only interrupted by the sound of Mario clearing a level. Neither of the bartenders are looking at Jun at his revelation, nor do they seem puzzled or bothered by his predicament, leaving Jun nervously waiting for an answer.  
  
“…So?” Nino finally comments, and shuts his DS close with a sharp click that reverberates in the room. “It could be a coincidence, you know.”  
  
_But there are too many coincidences._ Is what Jun would like to say, but then the words die in his throat when Nino adds, “Or it could be something else. It is whatever you want it to be.”  
  
Jun is starting to detest all of these confusing sentences. For once, he would really like a solid answer, but Nino doesn’t even blink at Jun’s deadpan stare, instead sighing exasperatedly. Taking the butterfly pea tea from the shelf, Nino places it on the counter in front of himself, and asks, “Do the dreams scare you?”  
  
“What?” Jun wasn’t expecting that question.  
  
“The dreams, Wonderland. Does it scare you?”  
  
Jun can and should say ‘yes’, but he cannot lie to himself either – the thrill is what made his previous two visits to Wonderland entirely enjoyable, and with that admission… Jun _likes_ Wonderland.  
  
“A… Bit? I guess?” Jun hesitates. When Nino reaches down to grab the teapot, as though to return it to the shelf, an unexpected bolt of fear strikes Jun, and he hurriedly adds, “but I like it. I… Really do. It’s just that there’s so many things that are different between reality and Wonderland and it feels too wonderful and too… Good to be true.”  
  
There is a strange look in Nino’s eyes when he trades a look with Ohno, one shrouded with doubt and concern as he reluctantly crosses his arms across his chest. It is Ohno who speaks up next, drying his hands on a tea cloth as he walks towards the pair. “You should be careful, Jun. Nothing is wholly safe, no matter what you think.”  
  
The response confuses Jun. Why is he talking about safety when Jun’s talking about strange dreams? “What are you talking about? It’s just a dream, isn’t it?”  
  
Ohno and Nino trade another look, and Jun barely represses a sound of confused annoyance at being left out of whatever non-verbal conversation they are having. Instead, he clears his throat, and grabs his bag and prepares to stand – he isn’t going to get any answers from them, Jun realizes, but he does need to wrap up that column of his.  
  
“I’ll leave you two alone then, since both of you clearly know something I don’t. I get it, I’m mad, aren’t I?” Jun mutters.  
  
“Wait.” Ohno stops Jun in his tracks with an outstretched hand to his arm, and the familiarity of the contact has Jun stopping in his tracks. Right… Dormouse-Ohno steadied Jun once, when he nearly fell into the Lake.  
  
_“Careful, Alice.”_  
  
“There’s nothing wrong with being mad. You’re mad, I’m mad… We are all mad here.” Ohno quotes clumsily, but Jun appreciates the apparent effort to reassure him. “We’re sorry if you feel that we are holding things back from you, but you could say it’s … a rule.”  
  
“There are many rules here.” Jun simply comments, and his eyes flicker at the blue tea in recollection of Red King’s ‘rule’. “Sounds like a chore.”  
  
“It is. The owner can be such a hard-ass.” Nino mumbles, but catches Jun’s gaze, and immediately starts taking out a coupe glass. He nods to Jun’s laptop bag, and asks, “You’re still planning to work after this?”  
  
“I have a column to write.”  
  
Nino nods, and it is like watching the two for the first time all over again as Nino prepares Bliss, while Ohno assists him with preparing the ice. “I’ll cut back on the alcohol then. Wouldn’t be too good if you started typing drunken ramblings.”  
  
Jun doesn’t move his stare away from the familiar bitters glass when it reappears. “Why are you making Bliss? I didn’t ask for it.”  
  
“You didn’t come here just to talk, Jun-pon. It’s pretty obvious.”  
  
The purple drink looks intoxicating as always, as though the smell isn’t already distracting enough. Instead of presenting it to Jun, Ohno brings it over to the same table Jun sat at a week ago, and gestures for Jun to take a seat.  
  
“This isn’t a drink that you should rush. You can work here, if you’d like. Well, until 8, that is. Then we’ll have to kick you out, unfortunately.”  
  
Jun doesn’t have it in him to say no.  
  
Not that he wants to say no, that is.  
  
++  
(An excerpt from the Editor’s column, Culture and Fiction, No. xx)  
  
_…Escapism is a pleasure that is not only derived from escapist literature. Every novel one picks up, be it historical, romance, or horror, gives the reader the opportunity to live vicariously through its characters.If not, through the omniscient narrator, should the story have no characters. One can perhaps see the appeal in the concept of a world free from the yoke that is reality – there are no deadlines or assignments to finish, no ‘and-your-next-project-is…’, no problems to burden the reader. Instead, the reader is whisked off into an alternate universe – a fantasy, if one would like to call it as such – where the author dictates what is to happen, whether the problem will be solved, and whether there will be a happy ending.  
  
But that is not to say that all escapism is derived through the fixedness of literature. While one craves stability most of the time, there is also the other end of the spectrum of people who are bored and tired of the ennui of reality. Literature can be a form of liberation from the daily tedium, and some fiction take this ‘liberation’ to its maximum. To cite an example, Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass and Alice in Wonderland are books that can be re-read repeatedly in one’s lifetime, and there is no fixed interpretation of the story. Riddled in… well, riddles, and drowned in twists of English and bent rules of physics, one can only wonder what the Jabberwock represents, or what fascinating world the Tea Party must live in, where Time is not the same time we know of.  
  
What wonders can we live when we immerse ourselves in Wonderland?..._


	5. How cheerfully he seems to grin

**Chapter 5: How cheerfully he seems to grin,**  
_  
~“Everything went well.” // Not that he wants to say no, that is. // What wonders can we live when we immerse ourselves in Wonderland?...~_

  
  
Weeknights are the quietest nights for SerendipiTea. Excluding friday nights, on these days there will rarely be any patrons past midnight. Most of the population will be in bed by then, if not at least in their homes, getting ready for the next day.   
  
Most of the population, except those who are troubled and in need of a listening ear.   
  
“Good eveni—” Ohno pauses mid-greeting, and tilts his head at the visitor. “Sho.”  
  
The tired-looking man spares Ohno no words, dropping heavily onto a counter seat and slamming a leather portfolio onto the counter in a none too gentle manner. There are no words embossed on the front of the cover, and the folder itself is thin - a familiar sight, and Ohno doesn’t need words to start pouring Sho a finger of their best whiskey.  
  
“Every time. Every fucking time.” Sho snarls, and pinches the bridge of his nose as he forces a deep inhale. Ohno doesn’t say anything, merely trading a knowing look with Nino when his colleague returns from the back room. There is nothing to say after all, and nothing they can do to help besides lending their ear to their old friend… And offering alcohol, to drown his frustrations. “Why won’t they just leave me alone? It is as though I haven’t done enough for this family.”  
  
It is Nino who breaks the pregnant silence, tone light as he asks, “Is she pretty this time? Or did they go straight for the status?”  
  
Sho pushes the folio at them dismissively, and gulps down the whiskey almost desperately. Neither Nino nor Ohno is alarmed by his actions, far too used to this kind of situation happening, and they curiously flip open the folio to peek at the newest prospective bride.  
  
Demure-looking, majored in contemporary Japanese literature, trained in the art of Japanese tea-ceremony, ikebana, and koto… Certainly a good choice to add to the family name, if not for the fact that she is not Sho’s type. Or rather, first and foremost, of the wrong gender.   
  
“I’m so tired of this.” Sho mutters under his breath as he rubs his face roughly.   
  
There is no need to further expand on the topic. Ohno reaches for the empty glass and pours another finger of the alcohol, while glancing at Nino expectantly. They have been through this too often, unfortunately, and it hurts them as well to see Sho so haggard and frustrated in the way he is now.   
  
“Alice came by this evening with a copy of his magazine. He wrote a column for it, and wanted to thank us for ‘inspiring’ him.” Nino’s tone is hardly impressed, but the words earn the expected response - Sho looks up instantly, eyes alert as he forgets his previous woes. The whiskey stands forgotten next to his hand as Nino slides the magazine over to Sho, opened to the specific page of interest.   
  
_‘Editor’s note: Falling into Wonderland.’_  
  
His initial sweep of the page has Sho skipping the content entirely, fingers grazing the printed font on the page to settle at the bottom corner, where the Editor would sign off -  _‘Matsumoto Jun’.  
  
Jun. _  
  
The corner of Sho’s lip curl, ever so slightly, and the tension eases out of his shoulders as he backtracks to the first line, and reads. A warm feeling of pride settles deep in his chest as he progresses down the length of the column, but a little worry pokes at his mind as he reaches the end; he understands Nino’s look of uncertainty.   
  
As is the case with gravity, falling into a rabbit hole can be dangerous if done too quickly… And Jun seems to have fallen deep into the allure of Wonderland. Or at least, that is what his writing implies.  
  
“Does he still make guesses concerning the nature of Wonderland?”  
  
“He thinks of it as an elaborate dream, from what I gather. Not entirely incorrect, but he seems to be too keen on Wonderland. I don’t think he is aware of the  _risks_  involved. The first time I brought him to the top of the Morel Towers, he nearly stepped off because he was  _curious,_  for fuck’s sake.”   
  
“He is less keen on Wonderland than he is just bored with life, I think. And lonely. He seems to have gotten very attached to you, Sho. Meeting you is likely the main reason why he keeps on coming back.” Ohno interjects smoothly, gaze moving between Nino and Sho. “Perhaps… if you made yourself known to him in real life, Sho…”  
  
“No.” Sho retrieves the metal mint case from his jacket pocket, and drops the red, pearl-sized capsule into the glass of whiskey, as though to silence Ohno entirely. The barkeep goes silent instantly, and ducks his head in respectful deference to his friend. Sho appears lost in thought as he slowly swirls the glass several times to dissolve the capsule, but his eyes appear dark and lost as he focuses at the empty space between Nino and Ohno. “It’s too early. I’m not going to risk it.”   
  
“At the rate you’re going, you are going to scare him away when he finds out the truth about you. About us.” Nino warns, but the words fall onto deaf ears. “We know you’ve had your run-ins with people who are out for your name, Sho, but don’t you think Alice may be different?  
  
Sho knows Jun is different from all their interactions together, but that doesn’t mean Sho can’t be paranoid about his identity. There are too many undesirable scenarios that can arise from where they are at now, making it ever more tempting for Sho to maintain the status quo. Of course, prolonging the situation may worsen Jun’s future reaction, but Sho has never claimed to be brave, or, in his own opinion,  _reckless._  The last thing Sho wants is to lose Jun.  
  
Jun, who is attracted to  _him,_  to Red, not to Sakurai Sho, nor the Red King. He demands for Sho to forgo the title and the name in his presence, as though it is meaningless… It  _is_  meaningless, Sho feels, but many deem it more important than his own person. The more he ponders over it, the more weary Sho gets, especially with the earlier events that led to Sho’s visit to SerendipiTea. The thought of having to meet another eager wife-to-be and turn her, as well as her family, down  _again_  makes Sho shudder.   
  
Shoulders slumping, Sho finishes his whiskey quickly, but in a less hurried pace as he forces himself to appreciate the actual quality of the drink.  _Wood spice, oak, caramel, and just the hint of citrus._  Sho recites mentally, relishing the smooth burn of liqueur. The high quality whiskey makes Sho yearn for Jun’s presence. Jun’s presence would be a more effective balm to Sho’s troubled soul… or rather, Red’s.   
  
He roughly grabs the portfolio as he stands, and sighs.   
  
“Do you want us to call you a cab? Or do you want to stay over tonight, Sho?” Ohno offers helpfully.   
  
“Just a cab would do.”  
  
“Hey, Sho-chan.” The name catches Sho off-guard, and he stops mid-step to look at Nino quizzically. He hasn’t heard that nickname be used in a very long while, likely since he graduated from university and started working in his father’s company. Nino’s expression seems nonchalant, but his russet eyes are gentle. “You can always stay over once in awhile, you know. We have plenty of room upstairs. And we don’t mind having you over.”  
  
Sho smiles mildly at the invitation, and lifts a hand to wave him off in thanks.   
  
“Thank you. I’ll head back home for tonight...and Nino?”   
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I know you have plenty of room upstairs. I’m the one who bought this building, remember?”  
  
++  
  
Red is already waiting for him when Jun wakes up underneath the same shiitake mushroom, head nested in Red’s lap. Red is sitting cross-legged on the ground, eyes closed as he leans against the hairy stalk of the mushroom, but instead of saying anything, Jun simply turns his head to observe Red’s relaxed state.   
  
Pretty.   
  
There have been so few opportunities for Jun to touch Red like this. After their…  _heated,_  first meeting, Red has suddenly chosen to be distant, rather than being direct with his intentions to ‘ravish’ Jun, to put it in Red’s own words. That isn’t to say that the man is no longer a tease, or that he has lost his interest in Jun entirely. Jun still notices moments when Red looks at him intensely when he thinks Jun is not looking at him.   
  
Of course, this could just be Jun’s imagination.   
  
But the hand that is currently resting on Jun’s hair is not, by any means, part of his imagination. (Jun best forget that Wonderland is technically his imagination, assuming he is correct about it being a dream. Jun doesn’t think about it too much.)   
  
“Are you asleep?” Jun quietly asks, as he lifts a hand and curiously brings it up near Red’s face, not yet touching. Red’s ‘sleeping’ expression is soft, tempting Jun to cup his cheek and lean in closer.   
  
How many times have Jun been in Wonderland now? 3, 4 times since his first meeting with Red, most likely. It hasn’t been too long since Jun first dropped into Wonderland, yet the days Jun has spent here - or is it more accurate to say,  _nights_  - seem to blend together with reality. It is almost habitual for Jun to visit Wonderland; not every day, of course, but at least once every weekend, and on alternate Wednesdays, when his publication cycle ends, as a ‘celebratory’ drink with Toma, or sometimes alone. He looks forward to going to Wonderland like it is just another entry in his schedule book, or dare Jun think, a date night with the mysterious man called Red.   
  
Well, perhaps less mysterious now, with Red looking so vulnerable in front of Jun, eyelashes resting handsomely against his pale cheeks.   
  
“Red?” Jun calls softly once again, and garners enough courage to press his hand against Red’s cheek, revelling in the warm skin. Sometimes Jun forgets how human Red is, with the manner he holds himself around Jun and the others.   
  
Red’s large hand suddenly reaches up to grip Jun’s wrist, startling Jun into nearly falling out of his lap. Eyes wide, Jun makes a soft squeak of surprise, but makes no attempt to free his wrist as Red slowly turns his head to caress his soft lips against the smooth skin of Jun’s palm. In a strong, but gentle tug, he lifts Jun’s hand up to press his nose against Jun’s wrist, inhaling deeply, eyes still closed.  
  
The action sends a warm thrill of happiness down Jun’s spine. Jun has given up doubting the nature of Wonderland - be it a dream, or some twisted reality that his mad mind is concocting, but at least, Jun has the Madhouse and all its frustratingly…  _Annoying_  members.   
  
(Jun met the Talking Flowers on his third visit to Wonderland, and he feels a more apt title would have been ‘Loud Flowers’. He saw them just as he was leaving SerendipiTea at night and they are the 7-man idol group whose name Jun can’t quite recall, but he remembers the group name had an ‘8’ symbol… or was it an infinity sign? Jun is awful with pop-culture, unfortunately.)  
  
But then there is Red here - Red, who meets Jun at the bottom of the Morel towers, and asks him where he wants to go that day. Red, who brought Jun to the top of the mountain because Jun wanted to know where the water comes from…  
  
Red. Red.  _Red._    
  
Red, who is holding Jun’s wrist close to his nose and lips, sighing reverently at whatever scent Jun apparently has that is intoxicating.  
  
The man barely divulges any information about himself, but Jun hasn’t given up on that front… Then again, what is there to divulge? It appears that only Jun is conscious of reality… As it should, since it is Jun’s dream. Thinking about it makes Jun’s brain hurt. Nonetheless, it is not hard to realise that Red is lonely - Jun isn’t obtuse enough to miss that, and it helps that Jun is lonely as well.   
  
“Woof.” Jun murmurs, and smiles at the confusion in Red’s eyes when they open. “Smelling me. Are you a dog?” He teases, and laughs at the irritated roll of eyes the comment earns. His laughter is cut off when Red nips hard at the delicate skin of Jun’s inner wrist, inciting a soft sound of surprise that is replaced by a sharp intake of breath when Red replaces his teeth with his warm lips.  
  
And sucks.  _Hard._  
  
Jun does not speak, eyes glued to the way Red’s lips purse around the bitten skin, and the way Red looks at Jun through hooded eyes. Heat coils in Jun’s body at the motion, but he makes no move to pull his hand back, even though he is semi-aware that Red is  _giving him a hickey._  
  
“I prefer to be called a wolf, thank you very much.” Red comments nonchalantly when he releases Jun’s hand, speaking as though he wasn’t just marking Jun less than a minute ago. Jun feels flushed as he hurries to stand, forcing himself to not examine his cooling, bruised skin. Red merely smirks at Jun’s reaction - and licks his lips as he gets to his feet. “I like marking what’s mine.”   
  
“Wolf, then. I stand corrected.” Jun tries to answer nonchalantly, but the statement comes out slightly strangled nonetheless. “Where are we going today?”   
  
“Madhouse is having a lake party. I thought you might want to join them today.” Red offers his hand to Jun, and Jun accepts without hesitation, but with mild surprise - the man hasn’t been this upfront with contact recently, but it seems he has had a change of heart. Jun simply nods when Red glances over at him mid-walk. The lake… Jun has been wanting an opportunity to swim in the alluring lake, but something about it seems to simultaneously draw and repel Jun.  
  
Sort of like how Jun feels around Red, actually.   
  
“Why are they having a lake party?” Jun asks quietly as they slowly make their way out of the forest. Today, the forest is making them take a longer route - they are taking twice as long to leave the first sector of the Mushroom forest, but Jun doesn’t really mind. He asks to break the empty silence between them, but his focus is on the warmth he feels from where Red’s hand holds his tightly.   
  
“Because it’s them. Better the lake than the mountains. That would be more troublesome to go to.”   
  
“Or more like you don’t want them to come crashing into your castle, Red.” Jun points out cheekily, and earns a knowingly look of disdain. After speaking to him and watching Red interact with the others, Jun knows that Red doesn’t hold any true contempt for his… underlings (there is no accurate word for what the other members of Wonderland are, to Red, besides being his subjects.) but rather an exasperated fondness that is often masked by the appearance of austerity. But Jun knows Red cares - the man eats dubious things offered by the Caterpillar or the Dormouse, even if he himself witnesses them adding pickled turnip into the waffle batter, as though unwilling to hurt their feelings when they cast their most innocent, puppy-eyed look towards him.   
  
Or Red could simply be a glutton, Jun thinks with great amusement.   
  
“Would you like them in your home?” Red mutters to himself, before strongly pulling on Jun’s hand to pull Jun closer to his side. Curious. Jun doesn’t object, but he finds Red’s manner entirely strange - the man seems too keen to have Jun closer, as though afraid that Jun will run off any moment. Unable to contain his curiosity, Jun leans in closer and notes the weary manner Red’s eyebrows are just slightly pushed together, as though he is anxious about something, but unwilling to show it.   
  
Jun frowns, and grinds to a halt. Red stops as well, but his expression is oddly alarmed when he looks at Jun in confusion, and asks, “Is something wrong?”  
  
“Is something bothering you?” Jun asks bluntly, concern colouring his tone. Red looks caught at the question for a single moment, but the vulnerable expression is gone in the next blink, as well as the drained way Red carried himself. The change doesn’t please Jun. He wants Red to trust him, not shut him out. Frown deepening, Jun leans over to rub at Red’s forehead, where the skin was pinched. “No, don’t do that. It’s okay to look troubled, you know.”   
  
Red seizes Jun’s wrist in a firm but gentle grip, eyes once again unreadable to Jun, but warm. “Do what?”   
  
“Do that - hide whatever’s bothering you. You’re more readable than you think you are, you know.” Jun doesn’t know what comes over him when he takes a step closer to Red, the distance between them shrinking to mere centimetres. Red does not react; instead, his hooded gaze traces Jun’s movement, before meeting Jun’s challenging glare with his own. The look in Red’s eyes has Jun gulping - what was it -  _Wolf,_  is what Red said, isn’t it?   
  
“Am I?” Red asks lowly. There is not anger in his tone, instead the curious lilt in his voice makes Jun a bit more frustrated than it should - he wants to see Red crack, but the man isn’t giving in, isn’t giving Jun a single opportunity to see him. Unless…  _This_  is Red. “Am I that readable, Jun?”  
  
But Jun isn’t stupid. Red is just a persona. The one who Jun really wants to meet is the real Red - the one in reality, not the one in his dreams. The thought makes him resentful; will the real Red find anything appealing in a plain person like him?   
  
“Sometimes. Like just a second ago.” Jun is pleased that his voice isn’t as shaky as he thought it would be. “Right _now,_  you’re just being frustratingly hot and I kind of want to kiss you.”   
  
Red’s neutral expression grows into a smug smile, eyes brightening up considerably at the confession. “Do you?” Red accompanies the words with another step towards Jun, effectively ridding Jun of whatever shred of personal space he has left. Their chests touch, and Jun instinctively drops his arms to rest limply at his side. He nods mutely, suddenly at a loss for words.  
  
_Why did he say that?_  
  
Red leans forward, eyes still open and rivet on Jun’s face. To Jun’s frustration, Red stops just short of his lips, and breathes, “Kiss me then.”  
  
“You’re just trying to distract me.” Jun grumbles, but forgoes his pride for a moment to press a chaste kiss against Red’s plump lips. Jun has never initiated any of their kisses before... Not that there has been too many of those. This will be the third, given that Red has been running hot and cold with his emotions - he must have had something going on then, in hindsight. Jun wonders why he did not notice it. Or perhaps, Jun is just particularly observant today because he has missed Red?   
  
“You’re already distracted without me having to do anything.” Red breathes out when Jun ends their short kiss.  
  
“What?”   
  
Jun jerks in surprise when Red’s hand reaches out to grab Jun’s chin, tilting it upwards slightly. “Distracted. You. That was such a poor kiss.” Red murmurs just before he presses their lips together, leaving Jun little time to prepare himself. But there is no need for Jun to brace himself. The kiss they share is a calm one, long and slow rather than of desperate need, but the passion in it is still palpable, merely softened.   
  
When they part, there is that familiar swirl of emotions in Red’s eyes, irises a deep russet as their foreheads connect in a manner that can only be described as affectionate.   
  
“Much better.” Red sighs, and Jun sees it; he sees the manner Red’s shoulders sag downwards as though tired - like a child who is in need of comforting - and Jun cannot help but provide Red with the solace Red seems to be seeking. Without any further questions, Jun wraps his arms affectionately around Red, and squeezes. There is no hesitation or stiffening from Red’s end, and he melts into the embrace Jun offers, burying his head into the crook of Jun’s neck and exhaling a long, stuttering breath.  
  
_Oh._  Jun’s heart melts a little at the action, and he reaches up with a hand to stroke the soft hair at Red’s nape. This is the most  _human_  Red has ever been with Jun, but the thought makes Jun just that fonder of him, even if Jun doesn’t know who Red truly is.  
  
“Shall we continue to the lake? I’d like to leave this forest before I fall asleep.” Jun teases softly, but misses the solid warmth that is Red when they separate from their embrace. There is a stark change in the way Red looks at Jun now, their hands entwining tightly instantly.  
  
“Fall asleep?” Red clarifies curiously as they navigate their way into the clearing that is Caterpillar’s.  
  
“Fall asleep. Wake up. Does it really matter which way is which?” Perhaps Jun’s answer is too flippant, but this time, it is Red who stops in his tracks, jerking Jun backwards. “Why are we stopping agai—”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Yes?” Jun blinks slowly, perplexed by the sudden gravity in Red’s tone. “What is yes?”  
  
“Yes, what you determine to fall asleep and wake up to is important. This is Wonderland, Jun.”   
  
Jun still doesn’t understand. “I know that. Of course this is Wonderland. The giant mushrooms give it away.”   
  
There it is - the strange look that everyone in Wonderland gives Jun, the look that Jun simply doesn’t  _understand_ why he gets or what it means. On Red, it looks less like a thoughtful look than a conflicted one, but nonetheless, an irrational rush of anger blooms in Jun’s chest, and he snaps, “Why are you giving me that look? What is it that I’m saying or doing wrong this time?”   
  
His anger doesn’t faze Red, who merely bites his bottom lip, as though unsure of how to start. “You’re not doing anything wrong. But Jun, Wonderland… This isn’t real.”   
  
It is the first time Jun has ever heard someone admit that Wonderland isn’t real, but the revelation is like a punch to the stomach, especially coming from Red. Admittedly, Jun has known that Wonderland isn’t real right from the start, but no one in Wonderland has informed him of that directly, and hearing it… Jun plasters on the biggest smile he can muster, and laughs lightly. “Of course Wonderland isn’t real. I knew that.”  
  
Red looks unconvinced, and Jun is tempted to reach up to wipe at the pinched skin between his eyebrows. He does not, because Jun realizes that the action is far too  _domestic_  for something that clearly isn’t real between them.  
  
The feeling somewhat hurts more than what Jun wishes to admit. Nevertheless, he continues, almost in a ramble, “It’s not hard to tell. I figured that something so interesting and beautiful is too good to be true - there’s nothing here that could hurt me, after all, isn’t there? There’s only mysterious things and mysterious people  _and you_ , but it certainly beats working in an office cubicle all day long.”  
  
“Jun, there’s something you have to know about Wonderland.”   
  
“And I don’t want to hear it, Red.” Jun snaps finally, crossing his arms and pointedly turning away from Red; The action is immature, Jun is aware of that, and when Red reaches out to grab his shoulder in what Jun presumes to be a consolatory grip, he evades it with a side-step. Jun does not need consolation.“Look. Can’t I just enjoy Wonderland for what it is? Can I have that without everyone breathing down my neck whenever I get so… fascinated with this world? Everything in this world, like you, Red?”   
  
Jun expects to have to fight with Red, but he is pleasantly surprised when Red softly says. “I understand. I’m sorry.” This time, when Red tries to reach for Jun again, Jun lets him. The warm touch breaks something in Jun, but he pushes the faint feeling of heartbreak away when Red leans forward to kiss his forehead, sweet and gentle. Jun only wishes it was real.   
  
“Just… please be careful, Jun. I don’t want you to get hurt.”   
  
There is no way Jun can stay angry at someone who sounds as earnest as Red does.   
  
“Okay.” Jun sighs, and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Red’s lips in a reassuring manner. “Really, I’m not going to get hurt here. Now, lake?”  
  
“Lake. Are you that eager to meet the Madhouse?” His tone is teasing, and it’s as though normalcy has been reset, but the grip on Jun’s hand is tight as they resume their slow walk. “It’s quieter tonight. Just the usual people.”   
  
“Dormouse, Caterpillar, Cheshire?” Jun clarifies, and is pleased when Red confirms his guess. Their presence no longer surprises Jun - he simply goes by the assumption that the three bartenders are present most of the time in Wonderland, given their affiliation with SerendipiTea. “Well, I don’t mind them. They’re not as mad as the rest.”  
  
“Shall we bet then, what they will be doing when we get there?”   
  
“Fishing, swimming or eating cake, and gaming.”   
  
“I’d say Caterpillar will be trying to encourage Cheshire to swim in the lake… and he will be  _successful.”_  
  
Jun snorts, and looks at Red in disbelief. “That cat wouldn’t take a step into the lake even if you paid him. The Caterpillar must know better than that, surely.”   
  
Red still looks smugly confident with his answer, and raises an eyebrow at Jun in challenge. “Are you sure about that?”  
  
“Pretty sure.”   
  
“Then let’s bet on it. If I win, you’ll come to my castle on the next visit to Wonderland.”   
  
The glint in Red’s eye tells Jun that he should be careful, but he blurts out, “What’s in it if I win the bet?”   
  
“Anything you want, I’ll do it.”  _Tempting._  There’s a lot of things Jun could ask for, but there is a specific thing he’d like for Red to do for him - namely, tell Jun his real name. Red can break that rule for himself,  _for Jun,_  Jun is certain, but he keeps his mouth shut and nods in slow agreement.  
  
“Deal.” Jun pauses, and adds cheekily, “Seal it with a kiss?”   
  
Red makes sure it is a full one, stopping just before the exit into the clearing and sweeping Jun up in a deep kiss that is only full of promises, and dizzying happiness.  
  
_So much better than real life. So… Much… Better._  
  
++  
He loses the bet, and Jun is somehow unsurprised, even though he was really certain that he was right earlier on. Losing the bet is worth it though, especially when the darkness accompanying Red vanishes entirely at Jun’s faux-flippant, “So, you and me, date at your castle next time, is it?”   
  
Of course, Jun’s attention is divided between Red and the lake ‘party’ that is going on. As Jun guessed, Dormouse-Ohno is fishing once again, but he is dozing off in his inflatable pool raft, tail once against half-submerged in the waters. Jun is unsurprised that he can stay asleep despite the uncomfortable position - the water is warm after all. For a butterfly, Caterpillar seems to have no trouble swimming in the lake despite his large wings, fancy clothes discarded for a pair of swimming trunks decorated with a parfait print.   
  
And then there was Cheshire-Nino, surprisingly lithe as he treads the water and dives just under the surface of Dormouse-Ohno’s raft. Jun guesses he’ll grab the submerged tail to play a trick on the poor, unsuspecting fellow, but Jun admits that seeing Cheshire-Nino grab onto the lure at the end of the fishing rod and shocking Dormouse-Ohno out of his sleep is the funniest thing he has seen all year. In a rush of panic, Dormouse-Ohno forgets where he is and stands to pull his rod—  
  
Only to capsize his raft and fall into the lake.   
  
“Poor thing.” Red comments sympathetically, but the expression on his face matches Jun’s wide grin, only a bit more subdued. When Jun looks between them to their joined hands, Red rolls his eyes and pushes Jun forward, “Go on, now. Have some fun.”  
  
Jun doesn’t need any additional cajoling, but he makes sure to pull Red along with him nonetheless, smiling widely as he waves to the three.   
  
“Alice, Red King. You’re late!” Cheshire-Nino greets as he swims to shore, blond hair sticking messily across his forehead. “We’ve been waiting for ages.”   
  
“Don’t over-exaggerate. I’ve only just got you to put your game down less than fifteen minutes ago.” Caterpillar-Aiba chirps from behind, helpfully pushing Dormouse-Ohno up onto the shore and helping him wring the wet, sodden tail. Jun finds it interesting how the tail - and his ears - are wet this time round, whereas the fur had been dry the first time Jun met him by the lake. Perhaps the fact that it is a lake-party, and that one  _is_  supposed to get wet, given the way Wonderland works.   
  
That’s just a guess, though.   
  
“And you owe me a new game for that. Fire Emblem Warriors, for 3DS. Thank you very much.”   
  
_Huh._  Caterpillar  _did_  pay Cheshire-Nino off. Jun doesn’t look at Red, knowing that the man is probably wearing a smug smile.  
  
“Anyway, Alice - are you going to stay dry or do I have to pull you in?” Cheshire offers a mischievous hand that Jun does not take. “Are you going to share him with us, Red? Don’t be greedy, Alice is probably tired of you already.”   
  
“At least let me take off my clothes first.” Jun rolls his eyes as he nudges Cheshire’s hand away with his feet. Having no shoes does speed up the process, but Jun is fully aware of Red’s eyes on his bare chest when he folds the shirt and rests it on a non-splash-zone spot. He risks a glance, and blushes at the heated gaze Red directs at him as the man takes a seat near the edge.   
  
“Stop staring at Alice, Red King. You’re going to make him spontaneously combust. Just look at his face.”   
  
Red doesn’t respond, but Jun does, feeling his head flush even further. “Shut up, Caterpillar.” Jun grumbles in the background of Cheshire-Nino’s cackles.  _These people, really._  Keen to hide his embarrassment, Jun manages a neat jump into the warm waters, not even thinking twice as he cuts into the warm water—   
  
And nearly forgets where he is when he is submerged underwater, vision crystal clear around when he wrenches his eyes open. There is no aquatic-life around him, but that only adds to the serene ambience of being underwater. The water does not even hurt his open eyes, but Jun isn’t too surprised - this is Wonderland, after all. Instead, he is gifted the beautiful view of the crystal clear waters, light blue and shimmering from the bright sky above them. There is no lake bottom that he can touch, or see, and Jun doesn’t stay too long to find it just yet - first, he has to take a breath before someone comes looking for him.   
  
He breaks the water with a sharp inhale of air, and throws Red an excited look. “You’re not coming in? It’s beautiful in here.”   
  
Red simply smiles mysteriously, waving Jun off to enjoy himself and join the others in their game of Topple-The-Dormouse. Unfortunately, Jun doesn’t want to only play with them. He treads through the waters quickly, settling on the edge of the grass and resting his hands on the soft grass. Looking up at Red with the most innocent look he can muster, Jun softly asks, “Aren’t you going to join us?”   
  
“That look isn’t going to work on me with them around, Alice.” Red replies, but offers a wide smile. “Go and have fun. I’ll just watch from over here.”   
  
Frowning, Jun pats the water surface with a hand, and beckons Red closer with a sultry look instead. “But it’s lonely there on your own. You won’t accompany me?”   
  
The response he receives is an equally suggestive one. “I’ll accompany you just fine when I have you alone in my castle, Alice. Go have fun with the plebeians, I’ll watch you.” Red finishes off with a ostentatious wave of his hand.  
  
“Pretentious man.” Jun teases, and makes no further move to force Red to join them. It’s so strange, Jun thinks; Red is always so distant when they are with the others. Is he the only one who Red is vulnerable to? Jun’s heart flutters at the thought of him being special enough to see a different side of Red in private, but the sight of cat and mouse ears, as well as butterfly wings reminds Jun of where he is, and he stops the train of thought.   
  
Never mind.   
  
“Jun.”   
  
The low call of his name recaptures Jun’s attention momentarily, and he perks up to glance back at the lone man by the shore. He has never addressed Jun by Jun’s actual name around the others before, but now as he does it, for that one split second when Red looks at Jun and recognizes him for his real name, it doesn’t matter if Wonderland is real or not. Whatever it is between them is not fantasy.   
  
“Don’t dive too deep.”   
  
Jun has no words to respond to the wish. Instead, he smiles widely, and gestures a quick ‘Ok’ sign to Red before joining the others.   
  
++  
He doesn’t know what exactly drives him to do it. Or rather, Jun does know, but why he chooses to stay underwater, stay beneath the surface despite knowing that there is  _no air_  down there, Jun does not know. While everyone else is occupied momentarily with trying to drag Red into the lake, Jun takes the opportunity to find out what lies in the darker depths of the lake, where the bottom is still not in sight, just the faint trickling of light reaching his eyes.   
  
He is just curious.  
  
There is nothing down here, Jun realizes. It is only the dark blue waters accompanying him, and the muted peace around him. Jun should return to the surface, now that he has seen what is further down the lake - not the bottom, there is no bottom still in sight, only blackness - but still, he does not.   
  
There is something so… odd about the way the water flows around him. Jun should have noticed it ages ago, how it takes him so little energy to stay afloat, to dive deep, but now that he is deep enough that he can only see the vague flickering of shadows from the ruckus at the surface… It’s too late. There is something strange about the manner the darkest depths beckon Jun, telling him to come closer, to go deeper, and Jun cannot find it within him to say  _no._  There is no reason for him to resurface yet, after all.   
  
His lungs doesn’t burn for oxygen. Or rather, maybe, not yet.   
  
Logically, the water should be colder here than on the surface, with so little light penetrating the depths, but that is not the case. It is warmer here, Jun feels - warmer as he goes deeper down, like the most welcoming of embraces, instead of the sharp coolness of  _dangerdanger._  
  
How puzzling. It’s almost as though the water is… Red.   
  
And there is only one way for Jun to respond to Red - to Wonderland, even if he can see nothing below him besides darkness: He goes deeper.   
  
And deeper.   
  
And  _deeper._    
  
It is  _so warm._  He should go up now. His lungs are aching, and the tiny part of his mind - the sane part - is screaming at Jun to  _swim up NOW…_  But Jun has no fear. This is Wonderland after all, and he can hardly die here now, can he? Jun wants to see - he wants to hear and feel and learn everything he can about this precious world that grants him that reprieve from reality. When he turns to his back, he almost laughs at how the remaining light from the surface looks like an actual sun beaming down onto his face.   
  
It’s as though he is on the beach, warm waters lapping at his toes as the sun warms his face, pillowed by the soft sand… cuddling in Red’s embrace, firm, possessive and all-consuming.  
  
Jun wants to stay here forever.   
  
_Isn’t it nice like this, Jun? You, and me, just like this._  Red says in Jun’s mind, expression soft as he turns to look at Jun. His hands trail the length of Jun’s ribcage, the delicate touch sending shivers down Jun’s spine as he laughs in his mind. Behind them, the Madhouse is preparing a picnic basket for 5 - no, more than that,  _everyone’s here_  - Hatter, White Rabbit,  _Flowers_  and  _everyone_  and it’s all a good time.  _You, and me, just like this, with our friends._  
  
_It’s perfect._  Is what Jun wants to say as he gazes into the dark swirls of Red’s eyes.   
  
But when he opens his mouth, nothing comes out besides bubbles, and water rushes  _in._    
  
Jun’s natural instinct is to cough, to seek for air as he kicks the water, but he is too far from the surface to get enough air in time. The water around him suddenly feels too heavy and oppressive, clinging onto his ankles like weights as he gurgles for something, for someone.   
  
What has he done?   
  
But then Jun pauses entirely, and remembers that Wonderland isn’t real - why is he afraid of drowning? He can always wake up anyway. He’ll only have to deal with Red and the Madhouse the next time he meets them, but he has a fairly good excuse.   
  
_He is curious._  
  
But he is also afraid. This is just a dream yet the sensation of water filling his lungs and choking him is so real that Jun cannot help himself but  _panic,_  limbs kicking out desperately for air and for the surface that is too far for him to reach. Is he sinking? Jun wonders momentarily, for the lights seem to be dimming and flickering. He  _is_  choking - but Wonderland… Jun wants to wake up  _now._  
  
Even if Wonderland is just an elaborate… _dream…_  
  
… Why isn’t he waking up?  
  
There is a sudden rush of water around him, a searing hot grip around Jun’s wrist and a strong warmth wraps around his waist. His world fades into a series of bubbles and flow of water around him as his rescuer drags Jun up to the surface in several strong, directed kicks in the water. Jun doesn’t even know who it is, but he has a feeling that it is Red who pulls him out - after all, Red would never let anything happen to Jun.   
  
The man is going to be so  _pissed_  at Jun.   
  
Jun has no energy left when his face breaks the surface, chest heaving and choking with desperate intakes of oxygen, and also harsh expulsions of swallowed water from his lungs. Jun has not realized it, but everything suddenly  _hurts,_  from his nasal cavities to his throat, to his chest and limbs as his delirious, but limp, form is pulled to the edge of the lake. The sky above him is so  _bright,_  Jun notes dazedly,  _and… warm._    
  
Which is warmer, Jun wonders - the lake, or the surface? He wants to compare, but he has no more mental strength to do so, hands blinding searching for Red as he is pushed - pulled? - up to the shore by many hands, and tilted onto his side to spew the swallowed lake water. He wants  _Red._  The stark absence of Red is so strong, having went from down there to up here.   
  
_Red._  
  
“—un, can you hear me? Jun!” There is someone rubbing his back vigorously, the same searing hot touch against his freezing, bare skin.   
  
Wait,  _freezing?_  
  
“He’s as cold as ice. Get something warm for him to drink. Anything.” The same desperate voice is urgent above him, and there is the distinct rustle of grass from someone running somewhere. Jun wonders who is the distressed man, doing his best to jostle Jun into alertness, because he sounds so distinctively like Red. But Jun can’t recall ever seeing or hearing Red that worried and frantic.   
  
“Jun, can you hear me? I’m never letting you back into that fucking lake ever again, I swear to God, Jun.”  
  
It  _is_  Red, Jun realizes, even though the collected coolness has been replaced by distraught and anxiety. Someone gently turns him onto his back when he has nothing left to expel but tired wheezes, and his eyes catch the terrified expression of Red staring down at him, fear marring his handsome features.   
  
Jun stands corrected - this Red is so much better than the Red underneath the lake.   
  
“Jun?”   
  
Mustering up whatever energy he has left, Jun reaches to grabs Red’s wrist - Jun’s hands are trembling, and Red is soaked, looking as though he only removed his coat before diving down after Jun. The foolish man - Jun would have been alright anyway, wouldn’t he?   
  
“Y-you’re going to c-catch a c-cold like that, R-Red.” He rasps, and gasps when he is suddenly pulled onto Red’s soaked lap, the man clinging onto him like a child who has found his once lost, most precious item, breaths loud and unsteady in Jun’s ear, as though trying to hold back tears. Even though Jun doesn’t understand, there is suddenly a thick ball of emotion in his throat at the discovery of how emotionally-compromised he has made Red.  
  
And why does Jun feel as though he was that close to death?   
  
Red’s coat, dry and warm, is draped over Jun’s shoulder by someone else - probably Cheshire, or the Caterpillar, as is a towel dropped onto Red’s wet hair.   
  
“Foolish. Stupid.” Red is mumbling to himself, but his eyes are red as he ignores his own soaked state to wrap the warm coat around Jun’s trembling body, rubbing warm circles into Jun’s back and stroking Jun’s arm as though to warm him up. Jun isn’t sure who the insults are directed at, but he has a sneaking suspicion that is meant for him. Between the warm coat that smells of Red - Jun has forgotten how inviting that fragrance is - and Red’s frantic attention, Jun realizes he has had it wrong the entire time.   
  
“Why didn’t you come up? Why, Jun?”   
  
Jun  _is cold._  He was freezing cold in the depths of the water, because no matter how warm it felt like in there, this - being in Red’s desperate clutch as the man tries to revitalize Jun’s awareness and strength - is warmer than anything in the world. Why did Jun even have that stupid thought of staying underwater, when he has Red on the surface, waiting for him? The water feels like Red - yes, but it is not Red.   
  
This is Red.   
  
The words slip over Jun’s tongue like a garbled confession, and tears begin to fall from his eyes, uncontrolled.   
  
“I-It felt like you, Red. It felt like you and Wonderland and I didn’t want to leave.”  
  
He doesn’t want to see the look in Red’s eyes, suddenly fearful. Instead, he tucks himself to Red’s chest, uncaring of the wet cotton fabric against his shivering body because Red’s body is like a hearth to his aching, quivering heart. Jun closes his eyes, and searches for the bare skin between Red’s neck and collar to press his lips against the spot unsteadily. The skin tastes salty, but it is from Jun’s own tears. “I was wrong. The depths are nothing like you. Not at all. I was scared. I  _am_  scared. Why didn’t I come up, Red?”   
  
The real Red is here, strong and tangible, holding Jun tight in his protective embrace, holding him tight even as Jun wonders when and where exactly everything turned wrong, and if he has lost his sanity.


	6. How neatly spreads his claws

**Chapter 6: How neatly spreads his claws  
**   
_~The real Red is here, strong and tangible, holding Jun tight in his protective embrace, holding him tight even as Jun wonders when and where exactly everything turned wrong, and if he has lost his sanity.~_

  
Jun does not remember when he fell asleep in Red’s clutches, but Jun is conscious of himself when he suddenly jerks awake in his bed, body and sheets soaked in fevered sweat.   
  
_Time,_ what time is it? Jun dizzily turns his head in search for the clock as he kicks away his blankets, feeling too hot and cold at the same time. Chest oddly heavy, Jun lets out a series of wet coughs, and squints at the illuminated numbers by his bedside.   
  
4:57 am.   
  
It’s too early for Jun to be awake, but even so, Jun feels like death warmed over, body aching as he forces himself out of bed to grab a glass of water, or perhaps a cup of tea with honey in it. His throat feels scratchy and dry, and when the world swirls as he takes slow steps towards the kitchen, Jun knows he’s going to have to call in sick for work today, or at least until the weekend - Toma’s going to have plenty of fun being the main editor this time around.   
  
He doesn’t even know how the cold hit him so quickly. Jun has gone from being completely fine to so bad that the thought of leaving the bed makes his face pale and his legs shaky. Jun is certain that the next few days will be miserable, as is usually the case when he is ill… If Jun actually remembers the last time he was sick, that is. He is usually very conscious of his own health, loading himself up with vitamins and whatever preventative cure he knows of the minute he senses a tickle in his nose or throat, but this time, there is no longer an opportunity for preventative cures. Jun will have to ride this cold out on his own.  
  
… Jun _does_ remember the last time he was ill. He was still in a relationship then, the last relationship he had been in, but it was in a tattered state at that time, with him falling ill exacerbating the process. After all, it was that very incident that made Jun decide to end the relationship the moment he recovered. His partner had not cared at all - or rather, was ‘too busy’ to ask after Jun, or to make sure he was alright on his own. Perhaps that is the reason why Jun fell so quickly for Red.   
  
At least Red wants him, and is so possessive of him. Of course, possession on its own is unflattering in a partner, but Jun remembers the half-desperate, half-relieved embrace he received after being rescued from the cold waters, and he knows that Red cares for him a lot more than his previous partner. Then again, it might have been a mistake then, to date a man Jun idolized in his youth - Jun gave too much love, while receiving too little back in return.   
  
It is different with Red. There was no initial puppy-love-esque infatuation, or one-sided admiration for the virtual stranger with Jun pandering to Red’s whims like a love-struck youth. It was - is - curiosity, and an unexplainable, irrevocable attraction that goes both ways. There is no feeling of dissatisfaction on Jun’s end that he is being neglected or uncared for, as they both provide something for each other, filling in that emptiness in each other’s souls. Even if Jun doesn’t truly know who Red is, there is a mutual understanding between them that Jun cannot deny even if he wished to.   
  
Now, if only Red was _real._   
  
Jun shivers and regrets not dragging his blanket with him. Sometimes, after he wakes up from Wonderland, Jun forgets how long it takes for the kettle to boil. No conjured, ever-full teapots here. He clumsily opens a kitchen drawer to pull out a tea bag - chamomile, apparently - and stifles the incessant cough. Jun feels as though he has just taken a dip into a freezing pool and stayed in there for far too long.   
  
He pauses at the thought, hand hovering over the mug in the rack. Hadn't he… just been in that situation?   
  
The back of Jun's neck begins to prickle as he suddenly feels weak, fingers gripping the counter edge so tightly his knuckles turn white. Lowering himself onto the floor, Jun is barely conscious of himself as fear grips him. He was in the lake. He stayed in the water for too long. He nearly drowned.   
  
He nearly died… and Red saved him.   
  
Above him, the kettle switch clicks as the water boils and Jun jerks out of his dazed reverie. Patting his fevered cheeks, Jun unsteadily climbs to his feet and reminds himself that Wonderland is just a dream. A hyper-realistic dream, but a dream nonetheless. He cannot die even if he tried to do so, even though Jun is fairly certain Red would never let him do something as foolish as that.   
  
Yet, Red appeared so frightened at the shore, clutching onto Jun as though Jun really, truly, nearly drowned himself. In hindsight, Jun is equally terrified at his own actions - what was he doing, getting so deeply entangled into the web that is Wonderland. Jun isn't naive; he knows that there is something more than meets the eye when it comes to Wonderland and SerendipiTea, yet he stupidly forgets himself.  
  
But it is so difficult to remember that when there's so much fun to be had in Wonderland. Fun and Red. With that thought in mind, Jun recognizes how deeply ingrained his need for Wonderland is, but he cannot muster up the strength to give it up just yet, even if a small part of him recoils in wary fear.   
  
...Or perhaps, it is simply too early for Jun to be thinking about such heavy matters. He needs to text Toma, and go right back to sleep before the full brunt of this cold knocks him off his feet. Jun has no doubt it will, especially with the light throbbing of his head that is sure to build into something within the next few hours or so. Trudging back to the room with an unwelcome heaviness, he only manages a short text to Toma before falling back into an uneasy sleep once again.   
  
He dreams of ice cold water, and sinking into the bottomless depths of the lake. This time, there is no Red to save him.   
  
++  
Jun does not go to work that thursday or friday - whatever bug that he caught knocks him out so hard that getting out of bed to cook something up is a test of will for the first few meals, until Shun finally drops by his apartment with tupperwares of soup made by his fiancee (Jun always did like Yu-san) on friday afternoon. Between short awakenings to grab food and hydrate himself, Jun spends the rest of the time stuck between fevered dreams that plague him incessantly, jerking him in rude awakenings as he gasps for air. It is not because he cannot breathe, but rather because Jun dreams that he cannot, permanently restrained by chains he cannot see to the bottom of the lake.   
  
On Sunday, he dreams of Red being the one to hold him down in the water, and Jun wakes up screaming Red's name in terror and helplessness. _Why? Why why why?_ His fever breaks that same evening, but he is still left a shaken, frightened mess, hands searching desperately left and right for a person who isn't there, and may never be.   
  
It takes him longer than it usually does to crawl out of bed and take a long deserved shower, but his head is finally clear after days of hazy memories that are made of blurry dreams and reality. A cold shower is tempting - it can jolt him into full awakening and wash off all the sticky grime from his worn body, but Jun doesn't trust his ability to stand for a prolonged period of time just yet… Nor does he want a stark reminder of the lake. Instead, Jun chooses to prepare a bath of near scalding water, just hot enough for it to _not_ hurt. He spends the longest time half submerged in the water, the hot water soothing his achy bones while Jun mentally exhausts himself by having to convince himself that this _is his bathroom, his home,_ and not a god-forsaken bottomless lake in his fantasies (or is it in his _nightmares?)._   
  
When he feels more human, Jun curls up on his living room couch with his laptop in front of him, and opens up his email inbox with a strange detachedness. There is not too many new, urgent emails, and he clears them quickly, while sending a note to Toma that he will be back tomorrow. He promptly ignores the fast reply, one that he is certain to go along the lines of Toma requesting him to stay home for another day.  
  
Jun doesn’t feel like staying at home for another day. The air in the apartment still feels stagnant despite him having opened the windows before his bath, and thrown the bedsheets in the laundry. The quietness of his home leaves too much room for Jun to start thinking about Wonderland. Red was right - Wonderland is not real, Wonderland is dangerous and _frightening,_ and Jun should never have become so complacent. It is dangerous because Jun keeps forgetting that Wonderland is just a dream, as is Red. All these hopes and feelings Jun holds for Red… None of them are real unless he finds Red in _reality._   
  
But to do so will be difficult, will it not?   
  
Sighing, Jun shakes his head - he was thinking about the state of his apartment before he got distracted. His fridge is still empty besides the remaining soup, and Jun decides that going grocery shopping is a good excuse to leave his apartment and get some fresh air.   
  
Anything to take his mind off Wonderland.   
  
++  
“Jun.” Shun’s concerned voice breaks Jun out of his reverie when he is vetting his sixth article in the afternoon. Initially, Jun presumes he is hearing things, because the printing department is 5 floors down, and his tired brain is making things up in his head. However, when a familiar hand rests on the edge of his desk, left ring finger adorned with a simple plain gold ring, Jun realizes he is not hearing things.  
  
He puts down the manuscript and red ballpoint pen in his hand, and braces himself for what he knows will be a gentle admonishment from his friend. “Yes?”   
  
Shun doesn’t look pleased, and Toma looks guilty from the other side of the room as he trades furtive glances from over the top of his computer. The rest of his department are suddenly extremely occupied with their own tasks. “It’s 4pm.”   
  
Jun glances at the time in the corner of his desktop as he reaches for another tissue, and manages a “Why, yes it is.” before the need to clear his nose reaches unbearable levels. Jun wishes he can excuse himself, but it would only prove Shun’s point. He sniffs through the scratchy fabric that is his mask instead, and asks, “What about it?”  
  
“You should go home.” Shun crosses his arms, and raises his eyebrows at the building pile of used tissues in the bin under Jun’s table. Jun winces internally - he should have brought a handkerchief to work today, but it slipped his mind. “You still look like shit.”   
  
“I’m fine. Official work hours end at 5, and it’s only an hour away.” Jun sniffs, and adjusts his glasses slightly before picking up his pen and looking up at Shun meaningfully. “Aren’t you on the wrong floor? This is _my_ department, the last time I checked.”   
  
“It’s _our_ department.” Toma grumbles from his desk, but hides behind his computer when Jun levels him a sharp look.  
  
“Exactly. It’s only an hour away. So, you leaving an hour early isn’t going to hurt anyone. Did you even look in the mirror this morning before you came to work? I’m surprised HR hasn’t sent someone to tell you to go home.”   
  
Jun has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from giving away the truth; someone from HR did come up to his desk during lunch to ask Jun to take the rest of the day off. Something about zombie employees being bad for the reputation of the employees, if Jun _tries_ to recall it clearly. Instead, he stays silent, eyes not actually reading the text as he pointedly ignores one of his closest friends… To no avail. Shun eventually reaches up to tug the manuscript firmly from Jun’s hands, and holds it away from reaching distance as his expression continues to remain unimpressed.   
  
“Go home, Jun. You don’t look any better from when I dropped off food for you last friday.”   
  
“You’re exaggerating. I feel much better from friday.” Jun grumbles, and swipes his hand in the air between them to gesture for Shun to return his work. He doesn’t really exert as much effort as he should to restart his work; Shun does have a point, as did the HR personnel, but Jun dislikes being sent home from work because of something as minor as the _sniffles._   
  
Granted, Jun had something a bit more serious than the sniffles, but he’s a lot better now.   
  
“Yu-chan will drop by your apartment if she finds out you were working today. And she will strap you to your bed until tomorrow and I won’t even stop her.”  
  
Jun opens his mouth to complain, but only ends up being betrayed by his own body when he has to muffle a series of coughs into his hand. Shun merely raises his eyebrow at the action, as though telling him, ‘I told you so’.   
  
“You have a co-editor and most of the things you can do at home if you want to. Isn’t it more logical for you to get more rest before the time crunch next week?”   
  
“It’s logical for me to be at work when I can work.” Jun defends weakly, but knows he has lost this fight. Sometimes he appreciates his friends, but in moments such as this, they can be such mother hens. Of course, even though they are kicking him out of the office, Jun feels well enough to not have to go home and crawl into bed. These mother hens do not need to know that Jun has plans to visit SerendipiTea this evening, even though it is only Monday. Jun does not have any real intentions to drink (he is not foolish enough to get drunk when he is still in the last dregs of his sickness), there are questions he wishes to ask the barkeeps there, and a small part of him hopes he may be able to meet the ‘real’ Red - just maybe - if he is there early. It is just a small feeling of Jun’s, but one he is sure to pay well for his efforts.   
  
Jun just needs some answers.   
  
“And you can work from bed. You still look like a ghost. Just entertain us, Jun. You couldn’t even stand straight when I dropped off soup, and that was what, three days ago?”   
  
“Fine, fine. I’m going, I’m going.” Jun replies hastily, but it is without heat, and more out of the desire to have his friends stop hounding him. He stumbles slightly when he gets up too quickly, and the action is quickly caught by Shun, who reaches out to grab Jun’s elbows, eyes sharp as though out to catch even the smallest of weakness Jun may exhibit. The action touches Jun, but simultaneously annoys him - he can take care of himself, _honestly._ Shun and Toma has always been so protective of him, even though Jun is an adult, and even when Jun was in a relationship - it makes Jun wonder if he is the only one who was blind to the neglect he received then. “You are both such mother hens.” Jun grumbles, and directs a quick, “Yes, you too, Toma. Don’t pretend that you weren’t the one to call Shun up.”   
  
(It is a great convenience that Jun’s (and Toma’s) department are used to witnessing their shenanigans and informality with each other. Then again, they would not dare raise a voice against Jun - he keeps them (and Toma) in line, and on schedule.)   
  
“That’s because you’re reckless with little sense of self-preservation.” Shun replies drily, and Jun pretends the blush on his cheeks is not really there.   
  
++  
Jun is perfectly aware that SerendipiTea is not going to be open yet at this time - it is not even 5pm, but something within him gives Jun the feeling that time is rarely an issue when it comes to the barkeeps. Even with his tiring eyes, a strange stirring builds up in his chest when he sees that despite the stairway to SerendipiTea being unlit, there is a soft glow of warm colourful lights emanating from the doorway.  
  
He pauses for a small moment to admire how beautiful they look in the darkness - Jun has never seen what patterns the stained glass artwork will scatter on the walls surrounding them since he has only come at times when the bar was opened, and the stairway lights switched on. Even in the eerie darkness of stairs, the scattered lights are in shades of blue, red, green, yellow and purple, the fine outlines of the teacups and pots blurred into soft smudges of colour.   
  
_Pretty._   
  
The briefly flickering of light indicates movement in the bar, and Jun only stares at the softly shifting light patterns for a moment longer before hesitantly reaching for the doorknob.   
  
The knob turns, and there is no resistance besides the heavy weight of the door when Jun pushes firmly.   
  
He is met with silence, as well as an oddly empty bar establishment despite Jun being extremely certain that there had been someone in the room previously. Jun shuffles awkwardly between his feet, door still held open in his hand. He has basically just trespassed, technically, but he has no motivation to exit the empty bar nonetheless. Jun has already made the trip here after all.   
  
Softly, Jun lets the door close behind him, the muffled sound of heavy wooden door brushing against the oak parquet filling up the quiet silence. Perhaps Jun should make a sound, or call out—  
  
“We’re not open yet.” Jun jerks in surprise when the calm voice of Ohno suddenly penetrates the burgeoning silence, the personnel door opening just a bit for the man to peek out, not yet dressed in the vest and bow tie that Jun is used too. He looks sleepy, a look that Jun closely associates with Ohno by now, but the sleepiness is quickly replaced by mild surprise as Ohno takes in the sight of Jun.   
  
Unfortunately, the look of surprise does not last long on his face, and is exchange by one that is of concern (an expression Jun is becoming quickly familiar with). “Jun, what are you doing here?”   
  
Jun has no good reason, he realizes, but seeing Ohno strikes a chord within him; how many times has he associated Ohno with Dormouse, and how many times has Jun remembered that the two are not the same? Simultaneously, is it not too coincidental that all the bartenders always seem to hint at Wonderland being real? How long ago was it when Ohno asked Jun if he wants to be ‘proven’ wrong — Jun feels like he understands now, that there can be illogical dreams and nonsense that exist and even then, that it is completely alright and acceptable for it to be the case.  
  
“I…” His mouth suddenly dries, unsure to say. Ohno remains patient, however, head tilted as he processes Jun’s appearance, forehead pinching in greater concern. “Is it possible for people to have shared dreams? That’s what Wonderland is, isn’t it?”   
  
Ohno’s look of concern melts into a gentle smile, before reaching a hand towards Jun, gesturing for Jun to follow him. At Jun’s confusion and hesitance, he coaxes, “Why don’t you have a bit of a rest upstairs, and we’ll answer your questions.”  
  
There is no way Jun will say no.   
  
++  
The oddity of the situation hits Jun when he finally settles down onto a comfortable zabuton, and a hot mug of tea is placed on the kotatsu in front of him by Aiba. He was not expecting an actually, fully furnished apartment built directly above the bar, but here he is, welcomed into what appears to be the shared apartment of Ohno, Nino, and Aiba. Ohno excuses himself after dropping Jun into Aiba’s ‘care’, dragging along with him a reluctant Nino.  
  
Aiba looks normal - out of his bartending uniform (and free of _green wings and feelers_ ) - and is dressed in a moss green hoodie, a pair of reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose as he hastily clears the table surface of stacks of papers. Upon closer inspection, Jun notices how the papers are all completed high school worksheets with chemical formulae printed neatly.   
  
At the realization that he has interrupted Aiba’s markings, Jun quickly ducks his head shyly, and mumbles, “I’m sorry that I disturbed you.”   
  
Aiba is quick to wave away his apology, and smiles kindly to Jun as he neatens the stack. “Nono, these markings won’t take too long. I just have this class left and I’m done for the night.”  
  
“You teach?”   
  
“Chemistry, in one of the local high schools here. It’s the reason why I don’t work the bar counter on weekdays - can’t come into class looking sleep-deprived, can I?” Reaching over the table, Aiba grabs Jun’s hands to wrap around the warm mug, and nods encouragingly, “Please drink something to warm yourself. It’s very cold outside and you don’t look very well, Jun.”   
  
Jun obediently takes a sip of the tea, but his eyes take in whatever he can see in the apartment - a TV, a shelf full of games nearby as well as some fishing rods resting in the corner of the living room. A hallway opens up to several rooms behind Aiba, but Jun cannot see further in. He ignores the obvious observation made of his health once again, but nods gratefully at the box of tissues that are discreetly pushed in his direction. “I’m fine.”   
  
“You look like death warmed over. Are you sure you should be out of bed, even?” Every statement that comes out of Aiba’s mouth is hesitant and careful, but Jun does not have the patience for cautious conversation.   
  
“I wanted to talk about Wonderland.”   
  
There is a sudden shift of emotion in Aiba’s - the Caterpillar’s - eyes, one that is filled with wariness and fear. Fear of what, Jun does not know, but he is sharp enough to catch it and hold on to that observation, even as Aiba slowly nods and asks nonchalantly, “What about it?”   
  
Jun freezes mid-sip at the lack of deniability in Aiba’s answer. Aiba merely continues to watch him, eyes inquisitive as he waits for Jun’s response - a response Jun is unsure of what should be, or how he should phrase it.   
  
“It is… a dream, isn’t it?” Jun begins, but pauses to rethink his question - “It is a dream we all share.”  
  
“If you’d like to call it that. For some people, that is.” The answer is kept mysterious, clipped, but Aiba does not seem closed off or upset about the strange question. “Have you been enjoying Wonderland, Jun?”   
  
“Very much so.”   
  
“That’s dangerous.”   
  
Jun is briefly reminded of cold lake waters, and the sensation of water filling up his lungs as lights flickered above him. When he blinks, his vision restores to normal, and Aiba is still looking at him with those observant eyes, watching for Jun’s reaction. All Jun manages is a “Why?”, and to that he receives a small shrug as an answer.  
  
“If you have to ask me why it’s dangerous, Jun, then I cannot answer your question.”   
  
The answer makes Jun frustrated, but today he learns that at least Aiba knows what Jun is referring too. “Then what _can_ you answer? Or do I have to go back to Wonderland to get my answers from Red - because Red is more forthcoming with the answers than the three of you are, that’s for sure.”   
  
“You’re not going back to Wonderland tonight.” Aiba answers sharply, almost a snap, and Jun looks up,wide-eyed with shock. Aiba remembers himself, seeing Jun’s startled expression, face softening from its fierce expression to something more sympathetic as he adds, “What I mean to say is that, we’re not allowed to let you back into Wonderland tonight.”  
  
“That is to say, Bliss. I’m not allowed to have Bliss tonight?”   
  
“You are really in no shape to have any alcohol, period. Take it from a bartender.”  
  
Jun carefully mulls over Aiba’s words, staring blankly at the swirling tea leaves in his mug. _We’re not allowed to let you back into Wonderland tonight. We… Are… Not… Allowed…_  
  
“Is it Red?”   
  
“Pardon?”   
  
“Red. Ishe the one who isn’t allowing any of you to let me go back to Wonderland tonight?” Jun wouldn’t expect anything less from Red, knowing his overprotective proclivities, but he has to be sure. If they are obeying Red’s orders in reality, that must mean that Red knows who Jun is in real life, that he remembers Jun and the kisses and touches they shared in Wonderland. The revelation has hope blooming in Jun’s heart, and desperate questions burst forth from Jun’s mouth before he can control himself. “Red - he knows who I am in real life, doesn’t he? Where can I find him? How do I find him? Why hasn’t he found me?”  
  
“Jun—”   
  
Jun does not know what possesses him when he reaches out to grab Aiba’s sleeve, grip so tight that his knuckles turn white. “Aiba, please - Who is he?”   
  
Aiba looks caught, eyes wide with surprise at the extent of Jun’s fervour. Jun doesn’t understand his surprise though - has the Caterpillar not seen how important they are to each other? Or at least, how important _Red_ is to Jun.  
  
“I can’t tell you who he is, Jun. It is not my place. H-he doesn’t want you to know.”  
  
Jun’s heart falls, and his fingers release their firm grip on Aiba’s hoodie to lie limply on the table surface. How should Jun react to that revelation: that Red doesn’t want Jun to know who he is in real life? Red, who displays such affection for Jun in Wonderland, has the intentions to keep whatever type of relationship they have as vague and unreal as _Wonderland._  
  
Was it not Red who reminded Jun: _‘Wonderland isn’t real, Jun.’_  
  
Perhaps his defeat is visible on his face, for Aiba suddenly panics, shaking his head rapidly as he rubs his hands nervously together. “No, no, that came out wrong.”   
  
“I don’t think that could be misinterpreted in any way, Aiba.” Jun murmurs slowly, and makes to stand. It is slightly rude for Jun to excuse himself so quickly, but it is suddenly hard for Jun to stay in close proximity to anything Wonderland related. Jun doesn’t know what to make of what he just learnt, but the feeling sits like sick nausea in his stomach, one that is worse than his recent bout of illness. Jun wonders now what he should do - if Red has no intention of meeting Jun in real life, should Jun continue to meet him in Wonderland?   
  
Should Jun even continue to dabble with Bliss?   
  
Jun freezes when Aiba grabs onto his hand, eyes pleading. “He does care for you, Jun. But we… We can’t tell you these details. You have to ask him yourself.”  
  
“How am I supposed to meet him in Wonderland if he won’t allow you to let me into Wonderland?” Jun deadpans, but there is not even a single inflection of humor in his tone, only flatness. Such words sound ridiculous coming from Jun’s mouth, but there is nothing but accuracy in what sounds like a string of nonsense. Weeks ago, Jun would never have thought such sentences would make logical sense. Now, they sound as painful as real words that cut into his soul.   
  
“Ah. You misunderstand - the ban is only for this week, Jun. He doesn’t want you to be drinking alcohol when you’re not well, and I agree with him.” Aiba’s eyes are soft when he releases Jun’s hand, patting it gently. “You look very worn. Were you at work this afternoon? He’s not going to be pleased to hear that.”   
  
“Who’s going to tell him?” Jun responds dumbly, but he knows the answer, of course - especially when Aiba levels him with a sheepish but knowing grin. Jun wonders how long Red has been keeping tabs on him via the bartenders, but he is hardly surprised at the revelation. Of course, SerendipiTea’s bartenders would report back to Red. At the same time, Jun feels betrayed by his own emotions; his heart flutters at the thought of Red being unhappy that Jun was at work this afternoon.   
  
His mind spins with confusion - Jun needs to get a firm grip on reality… But at the same time, he wants Red so badly. Every question he asks clarifies little; instead, it opens up a can of worms that only act as bait for Jun to stay in Wonderland, his own curiosity his worst enemy as Jun is pulled into Red’s lure. Jun recognizes this, but it doesn’t change the fact that he still _wants_ Red.   
  
_Why is it so difficult for Jun to learn about Red?_   
  
“Sometimes, I don’t understand him.” Jun starts slowly, suddenly feeling very drained. He buries his face into his hands, and hopes he doesn’t sound as broken and desperate as he feels when he confesses, “I can choose to not go back to Wonderland, can’t I? And he knows this -that I can leave anytime I want - but he pulls all these… Tricks, on me, trapping me in his grip and leaving me so helpless and enamoured by him. I can leave but he won’t let me.”  
  
“That’s not what he means to do, Jun, any one of us could tell you that.”   
  
“But he can’t tell me that, can he?”   
  
++  
Before Jun sees Red, he has already made his decision. The choice hurts him, but Jun did not expect it to be an easy one. After all, he has to choose between his heart and his mind, unless Red decides to let him have both.   
  
Will Red let him have both? That is the question that Jun mulls over as he walks down Sunset Boulevard, alone, with only the company of his last memories with Red here. Jun had ample time to think about Wonderland in the past week, slowly coming to terms with what Wonderland and Red means to him. The entire time, his heart yearned for Red’s company, as though the man himself, be him real or a product of Wonderland-ian fantasies, is a drug. Who is Jun trying to delude though - Red _is_ Jun’s drug, an even greater intoxicant than the finest cocktails and alcohols that can be put before him.   
  
But what effect does Red act upon Jun - a positive or negative one - Jun does not know. What is certain is that he no longer wants a pretence of a relationship, held true in only the fine intricacies of Wonderland. He wants _Red._   
  
If Red does not want to reveal himself to Jun, then perhaps Jun needs to give up pining for Red, even if the action hurts him.   
  
The castle looks more daunting up close, but Jun doesn’t waste time admiring the fine architecture. His eyes focus on the familiar figure waiting outside the grandiose wrought-iron gates, the entrance to the foreboding area sans a brooding Red. Red looks up when he hears Jun approach, and the haunted look in his eyes makes Jun temporarily forget about his prior frustrations with Red.  
  
Red doesn’t reach out for him, even as Jun stops barely a feet away from him. Jun doesn’t try to reach out for him either, eyes watching the manner Red swallows hard as he scans Jun’s appearance, fingers flexing as though eager to touch him to see if he is really there. With the manner he holds himself, Jun would describe Red as childlike… and Jun has always had a soft spot for children. He takes another step closer, and reduces their distance to mere centimetres.  
  
“You’re here.” Red starts softly, hands clenching at his sides almost imperceptibly.  
  
“I’m here.” Jun repeats, his words a whisper but loud between them. Red’s eyes are sad, and guarded when Jun raises his hand to cup Red’s cheek. “Hello.”  
  
“Why are you here?”   
  
“You won the bet, didn’t you? I should apologize for the delay, but you were the one who told your gatekeepers to keep me out for the past two weeks.” Jun answers loftily, only hardening his tone at the word ‘gatekeepers’ to give away his frustrations. “So I’m not sorry.”   
  
Red pointedly looks away, as though sensing his anger, but chooses to not comment any further. His evasion sets Jun’s temper aflame, but the vexation eases when Red hesitantly grabs Jun’s hand, squeezing it apologetically while resting his other hand on the dark iron. The shy action in itself, so out of character for a man like Red, is an apology. An apology to what exactly, Jun is not sure.   
  
“Are you feeling better?” Red asks quietly as the gates open on their own accord, the metal whining at the strain of movement.   
  
Jun lets himself be guided into the foreign area, but his voice comes out sharp when he responds,“I’m here, aren’t I? Would you even have let me come here if I wasn’t?”  
  
From the far distance, the castle simply looked like a castle, but now that Jun is near it, he is not sure if he should be surprised or unruffled by the sight of expansive shrubbery, white rose bushes and weeping blood red rose trees lining a narrow brick path that leads to the enormous castle entrance. The door looks uninviting and extremely heavy, made of the darkest purple heart lumber, flanked by what a strong brickwork that appears impenetrable to the human eye. A fortress made of thorns and hard stone - Jun wonders how representative that is of Red’s own character. For a short moment, Jun thinks Red will let him enter the castle, but as expected of the private man, Jun is tugged away from the foreboding architecture to an even more narrow and secretive path.   
  
They end up at the side of the castle building, the brick wall invaded by a creeping rose plant whose thorns look painful. It is thankfully a private spot (as though Red’s castle isn’t private enough), for Red looks impatient now, and Jun pretends he is unaffected by the manner Red pushes him against the rough surface of the wall to hug him tightly.   
  
Jun has to be brave to do this.   
  
“You’re angry,” Red murmurs close to Jun’s ear, and Jun fights to maintain his resolve. “Why are you angry?”  
  
“Because you told them to keep me out.” Jun’s reason sounds weak to his own ears, but Jun doesn’t actually know why he is angry. In retrospect, he is less angry than he is nervous. Even as he forcibly inhales and exhales deeply, his body remains tense.   
  
“It was for your own good.”   
  
And now, Jun _is_ angry. He pushes Red away, forcing distance between them as his back hits the rough surface of brick behind him, but his eyes are bright with defiance. Jun’s own good? Jun is an _adult._ “What do you mean it’s for my own good? What exactly do you know that I don’t?”  
  
Jun has set the trap - all left is for Red to be honest with him.  
  
But Red only looks away from Jun’s fierce gaze, shoulders slumping but mouth - and heart - kept stubbornly shut. The action hurts Jun, but there is something in the manner Red holds himself that informs Jun the man is hurting as well, and staying angry at Red isn’t going to soothe either of their frustrations.   
  
And so Jun changes his method, deliberately softening his posture and reaching out willingly for Red. The man has never denied Jun anything (but the truth), and Jun knows that whatever is holding Red back hurts him as well. This is what makes Jun so reluctant and unwilling - seeing Red defeated not by Jun, but by the unknown circumstances that plague him. It is so blatant to Jun, but well-hidden from the rest of the world when they are not alone. A tiny part of Jun understands that the secrecy must be borne out of personal fears, but martyrdom (or at least in this case) has never helped anyone, in Jun’s opinion.   
  
“Red. Please.” Jun grabs Red’s limp wrist, and watches the way Red’s long fingers willingly - desperately - twine with Jun’s own, squeezing tightly even when their owner does not dare return Jun’s inquisitive gaze. “I know what Wonderland is. Everyone - or at least, Cheshire, Caterpillar and Dormouse - they know as well, don’t they? They know who I am in real life, they remember too. And you know who I am in real life - you let me into Wonderland. That means you remember all of...This too.”   
  
“And I nearly regretted my decision to do so the last time you were here.”   
  
There is an unmistakable bitterness in Red’s reply, one that sends an arrow of ice through Jun’s heart as he processes the words.   
  
“You… Regret meeting me?”   
  
“It is not a regret of meeting you as much as me having let you into Wonderland in the first place.” Red confesses bluntly, eyes locked onto the sky as he tips his head back and sighs. He likely does not see the redness in Jun’s eyes, nor the way Jun’s large eyes shine as they focus on his face, Adam’s apple bobbing with words that Jun no longer wants to say. “I’ve thought about it for the last week. That it was a mistake on my part.”  
  
Jun wants him to stop talking; Red does not stop.   
  
“I put your life at risk by doing so - I cannot forgive myself for that, and the more I think about it, the entire thing could have been avoided if I never let you in, Jun.”  
  
“Shut up.” Jun’s plea is weak, but the grip he has on Red’s fingers is so tight, Jun is surprised the grasp does not hurt Red. “Please shut up.”   
  
Red exhales almost impatiently, rubbing his eyes with one hand tiredly before finally looking at Jun, “Listen, Ju—” Almost instantly, he stops, eyes widening at the sight of Jun’s reddened face, breathing heavy with breaths thick and irregular. Jun does not know what else to say, but he knows that the look of heartbroken betrayal should be enough to convey how broken he feels. He should not cry, but Jun’s eyes burn with the inevitability of shed tears, body tense as he waits for Red to say the last crushing words.   
  
How strange it is, that a break-up in his dreams hurts even more than the break-up he had with his previous lover in reality. Perhaps it is different because the last time this happened, Jun was the one who ended things with his ex. Or perhaps it feels even more so devastating now because Jun feels strongly for Red.   
  
“You’re crying.” Red observes dumbly, eyebrows pinching together in concern as he takes Jun’s other hand and loosens the tight fist Jun has made. “Why are you crying? You are going to hurt yourself if you dig your nails into your palm so hard.”  
  
The devastation Jun is waiting for doesn’t come, and it hurts even more, hearing the worry in Red’s voice. However, Jun cannot stop the tears that are making their way down his cheeks. He brusquely brushes away Red’s touches, and hastily wipes away the wet tracks when he realizes his position - why is he crying? Why is he letting Red wedge himself even deeper into Jun’s heart? “I get it. You don’t have to say it. I’ll stop coming here.” Jun rushes out in a weak stutter, and nearly mewls when Red fights his batting hands to grab his shoulders instead.   
  
“What—? No, what are you talking about, Jun? Why are you crying? Did I make you upset?”  
  
“You regret having met me.”   
  
Red’s eyes widens, and he tightens his grip on Jun, as though afraid he’d disappear. “What? No, Jun, I didn’t say that.”  
  
“You regret letting me into Wonderland. We met in Wonderland. What we’ve shared - it is only possible because you let me in here.” Jun explains almost robotically, and a rush of bitter anger rises in his chest at Red’s confused look. “It does not take a genius to understand what you were implying, Red. If you don’t want me here, I will not come back.”  
  
“Jun - You misunderstand.”   
  
“Then help me understand!” He nearly shouts, sniffing loudly and roughly wiping at the everflowing stream of tears. “Explain the scenario in which you could regret letting me in here without, by extension, regret having met _me._ Under what other circumstance could we have met, given your proclivity to stay anonymous? I don’t even know your fucking name - only a short nickname adapted from this pretentious title you’ve made for yourself, that everyone in Wonderland calls you. At least _they_ know who you are in real life, but they are not the ones you kiss, are they?”  
  
“Jun—”  
  
“Is it so difficult to make this real?” Jun laments weakly. “It could never have been real, with whatever you’re trying to hide from, couldn’t it?”  
  
Warm hands cup Jun’s cheeks as Red leans in to press a deep kiss against Jun’s unmoving lips. The kiss hurts - not physically - but when smooth thumbs try desperately to wipe away the damp tear tracks, Jun does not find any energy within him to push Red away. He responds timidly to the kiss, arms limp next to him despite having missed Red for the last two weeks. What should he do?  
  
“Look at me.” Red breathes out seriously when they part, resting his forehead against Jun’s. His dark eyes stare into Jun’s soul, deep and searching as they find Jun’s gaze and holds it. It is only when Jun’s pink eyes lock onto Red’s, does the man release his face to wrap his arms around Jun’s waist instead. Jun cannot escape, but he does not want to. He must look horrible though, with his tear-stained face so close to Red.   
  
“I will _never_ regret meeting you and falling in love with you. Do you hear me? _Never._ You are more important to me than Wonderland, than the dull and boring work I have in reality and that is why I don’t want to hurt you. I will hurt you, and I have hurt you and putting you in Wonderland made it worse.” Red pauses momentarily, eyes connected as he lets Jun absorb what he just said. “You are the only escape I have from the prison that is reality, the breath of fresh air I’ve yearned for so long. All I want to do is treasure you and keep you safe and happy, but dropping you in Wonderland has done the opposite. That is my regret; Leading you down this dangerous rabbit hole. It is not safe here, and your last visit cemented this fact.”  
  
Jun’s eyes are dry now, and his hurt feelings replaced by confusion as he buries his fingers in the fabric of Red’s cloak. “Why is it not safe? I don’t understand. I know about Wonderland now—”   
  
“I don’t want to hurt you, Jun.” Red repeats lowly, before shutting his eyes tiredly and pulling Jun into a closer hug. He hides his face in Jun’s neck, a hesitant action that slowly grows bolder as he presses his lips against Jun’s jaw. “I want to stop hurting you. I nearly killed you, do you know how badly I am plagued by the thought that you nearly died because of Wonderland and it would have been all my fault?”   
  
The need to comfort Red overwhelms Jun as he reaches up to brush Red’s soft hair, but perplexity takes over his mind. Killed? Jun nearly _drowned_ yes, but the experience is all but a dream despite being a stark memory in Jun’s mind. He clarifies, “I can’t die here, what are you talking about?”   
  
Red looks up so sharply that their heads nearly collide. “You… You still don’t know?”  
  
Jun doesn’t know what Red is asking, and he shakes his head slowly.   
  
Red stiffens, but at least he does not move away from Jun. Instead, he sounds ever more so resolved as he touches Jun’s chin and tilts it closer to his lips. Whatever image of vulnerability that Jun saw disappears from Red’s posture, but his voice is raw, and his eyes are shiny when he asks, “Do you want me, Jun? If I lay myself bare to you tonight, right here, will you come back to me - To Wonderland? You’ll understand why I don’t want to reveal myself to you. I have and will only hurt you.”   
  
Is this what Jun has been waiting for? It seems so, but the sorrowful tone makes Jun wonder if there is a real reason for Red’s secrecy, if Jun is best left in the dark. Red has the saddest pair of eyes Jun has ever seen on him, unfiltered and fervently seeking for Jun in their enrapturing darkness, and he cannot help himself - he closes the distance between their faces to let his lips touch Red’s, and their breaths mingle in the tiny space between their noses.   
  
Why does this feel like one of those sad endings Jun hates so much, even though Jun has just received the most honest confession from Red? He does not know what to expect from Red tonight, but he feels Red’s hands sliding up his back in a manner that can only be sexual and reverent, clutching feverishly against the thin shirt as Red waits for an answer. Tonight’s revelations will not answer all of Jun’s questions - but Jun trusts Red; he knows Red will reveal something at least, as promised. Even with bubbling feelings of puzzlement and frustration, Jun cannot deny the emotions Red stirs up within Jun: Love, and _need._   
  
Jun parts his lips, ever so slightly, and tastes salt on his lips - they are not from _his_ tears.   
  
And he makes his decision. Voice barely audible, Jun whispers, “I only want you, Red.”   
  
“I’m not sure you know what you are talking about.” Red says this with so much doubt, but he presses his leg between Jun's anyway, the heavy pressure forcing Jun’s legs apart. Jun lets his them be parted with little resistance, knowing that he has no way of denying Red anyway - not for this. Especially when Red offers Jun a way out. It is his way of showing his care for Jun; to be willing to let him run away even as Red crowds him like this, but Jun knows the moment he says no, Red _will_ let him go.   
  
He lets his body rub sinuously against Red’s, feeling the hard bumps and lines hidden beneath the layers of clothes. Jun is itching to take them off and to see what is under there. He cups Red’s cheeks and lets their eyes meet. There is fear in Red’s face, but it is mixed in with so much imploration that Jun has to doubt what that fear is about - the fear that Jun will leave, or something else? It does not matter though, and Jun lets it be known to Red with a soft kiss on Red’s eyelid. “Isn’t part of Wonderland knowing what you don’t know, and accepting it anyway? I want to know.”   
  
At the last syllable, Jun gasps silently at the sensation of Red’s hands slipping around his waist to sneak themselves under the white shirt, palms and fingers hot against the bare skin of Jun’s back. The touch is not new to Jun, but the contact is no longer hesitant and fluttering - it is powerful, possessive in the way it leaves burning streaks across Jun’s back. However, even as Jun falls limp to Red’s touch, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss, Jun feels more than hears the soft plea Red makes to him. “When you wake up… Please don’t hate me, Jun.”   
  
“I could never hate you.” Jun moans lowly, hands no longer shy as he searches for purchase on Red’s heavy coat. He manages to push the offending clothing off of Red’s shoulders, and waits impatiently as Red drops the coat and his waistcoat onto the ground. Their bodies connect once again, breaths mingling in desperation as Jun claws at the buttons of Red’s shirt, need making him careless and blind as he seeks for _Red._ “I want to know. I want to see you. I want to learn you.”  
  
“I’ll destroy you.” Red mumbles against Jun’s lips, his fingers doing a better job of undoing Jun’s shirt. Jun shrugs off the article of clothing quickly as well, their tongues and lips never parting from each other for too long. When Red’s fingers move to rub and pinch at Jun’s nipples, their mouths finally part with the long moan the action forces out of Jun’s throat, face burying into the crook of Red’s shoulder and panting out damp whines against the skin. Even then, as Red draws out such intense reactions from Jun, playing Jun’s body like a familiar instrument despite it being their first time together, Red still whispers harshly into Jun’s ear. “I’ll hurt you, Jun. I want you _so much_ but I know I’ll hurt you.”   
  
“You complete me.” Jun gasps, finally managing to undo Red’s shirt and pants’ buttons and tugging at them impatiently. Red’s heavy-set body is gorgeous, all hard planes and muscles and _strong_ as Red pushes Jun’s back against the brick wall behind him, his large hand bracing Jun’s neck and head to protect them from the firm push. The sharp sting of rough texture against the fine skin of his back does not even register as pain in Jun’s mind - he _wants_ this, wanted this for so long, an acknowledgement of Red’s desire for him even despite Red’s personal demons. _Smell, touch, sight, sound and taste_ \- all his senses are overwhelmed by Red, and that is all Jun wants. “I know you’ll never let anything hurt me - not even yourself. _Show me,_ Red. Show me who you are - and how much you want me. Because I want you so _fucking much.”_   
  
“Jun.” His name is a low moan now, and Jun feels Red relax beneath his fingers - the tense muscles loosen ever so slightly as Red gives into his passion - to Jun - and then harden as he presses Jun even more firmly against the unforgiving surface, arm winding tightly around Jun's waist, pulling him close in a possessive manner that only steals Jun's breath away. “Let me see you. Your pale skin… I want to mark it.”  
  
“Mark me then.” Jun’s fingers scratch fine red lines into the surface of his back, but Red doesn’t even seem to care as their groins meet each other with sharp pleasure, and their teeths clack together messily with desperation. There is no softness in the manner they desperately feel for each other, hands grabbing for something, _anything,_ and bodies rolling and colliding for more.   
  
“Jun. Jun. Mine.” The litany falls out of Red’s lips just as a series of sharp, short whines leave Jun’s own. Hands push at whatever remaining barriers of fabric between them - Jun is not even sure if it is his hands or Red’s that tug away at his briefs. That knowledge is unnecessary in the moment - all that matters is that they are in the middle of a dream-rose garden, naked outside the castle as Jun is pressed dizzyingly hard against a brick wall covered in creeping red roses. If his hands trail too far to the side, they will end up pricked by the small thorns dotting the internodes between roses and their leaves, so Jun settles for holding tightly onto Red’s strong body.   
  
Their arousals slide deliciously against each other, and Jun is grateful for Wonderland when he feels Red’s fingers slipping between his buttocks, already slick with lubricant that did not exist until Red willed for it to do so. Jun is almost too eager when he hooks a leg around Red’s hips, balance stable with the wall behind him and the hot body in front of him. Words leave him, and he forgets anything he might have wanted to say when the first searching finger slides deep into his body, slow and deep.   
  
“I want you. Let me have you, Red. Red.” Jun gasps loudly, head swirling with desires and heat as Red prepares him with a relentless _gentleness_ that is hard to process. His finger (fingers?) slide in, searching and pressing against Jun’s clenching walls in an explorative manner, but Jun is not fooled - he can hear the harsh breaths of forced control, as well as feel the trembling from barely repressed instincts to _take_ Jun hard against the wall. Even with his apparent, desperate crave for Jun, Red still cares about Jun’s well-being. He doesn’t want to hurt Jun… But Jun does not mind for it.   
  
So, Jun bears down on the two fingers willingly, moaning at the stretch the action gives him. So _full,_ Jun thinks, but does not find it within him to vocalize in clear lines besides the breathy mewls that escape him. He loves this - the feeling of being filled by Red, even if it is just his fingers. Jun is impatient for something more than just that, but he doesn’t have to beg; the stiff hardness pressing against the inside of his thigh is hot and slick, spreading wet trails where their hips meets.   
  
Jun’s face flushes when Red turns slightly to whisper praises in his ear. _Beautiful. Mine. Don’t want to let you go. So hot and tight and eager. Let me hear you scream._   
  
Jun does. His moans turn into a shout and cries of pleasure when the fingers within him graze an old forgotten spot, fingers tightening at Red’s muscled back as Jun throws his head backwards to knock painfully against the wall. “There!” He moans, and it does not even occur to him to keep quiet despite their location. “More!”  
  
Red removes his fingers and hoists Jun’s wrapped leg even higher up his defined waist, tongue thrusting into Jun’s mouth in heedy desperation. Jun continues to release noisy whimpers against the soft lips, ones that grow louder when the thick fullness pierces into his body, filling up in a way Jun never imagined it would.   
  
_Red. Red. Red._  
  
“Do you hear yourself, Jun?”   
  
Jun does, but he doesn’t care. Not when his whole world dissolves into Red - Red in him, Red around him, strong arms bracing Jun against the wall while their mouth clash in a furious battle of need. Red, as he thrusts so deep into Jun that all Jun can do is cling, bare back stinging from the rough brick behind him. The contact should hurt, especially with the manner Jun is pushed up against the wall with every strong thrust into him, but Jun does not feel it.   
  
What should be burning pain just sends tingles of pleasure through Jun’s spine and into his leaking erection between their bodies. There is only pleasure - indescribable, euphoric pleasure as Jun holds onto Red and begs for more.  
  
Just this once, Red gives him what he asks, thrusting in harder and faster, groans echoing between the two of them as his fingers dig into Jun’s hips, then at his waist. Jun’s eyes are shut, but when he feels kisses on his eyelids, he opens them to see the dark pupils of Red’s red-rimmed eyes, forehead furrowed in concentration, but desperation and _love_ so stark and visible. Red murmurs tensely, “Please don’t leave. Jun. Jun. Please. You’re so beautiful.”   
  
_Please don’t leave._   
  
Jun doesn’t think that is possible.  
  
 _Please don’t be afraid._ Is what Jun wishes to say, but he cannot, overwhelmed with a flurry of emotions that flicker between his need for Red, and a sudden bolt of fear at the sight of a tear running down Red’s cheek. He wants to reassure him, but Jun knows that is physically impossible right now.   
  
So instead, Jun stretches out to lick at the salty trails, fingers digging so hard into Red’s skin that Jun’s nails may be breaking skin. Everything becomes a little too much, too good, too bright, but Jun still manages to whimper into the miniscule space between their faces just as he falls.   
  
“I love you, Red.”  
  
 _Show me who you are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Sorry for the delay with this chapter. I have finals next week and will be on a writing hiatus until finals end on Boxing day. I had intended to finish this before New Year's, but real life w so oh wells._


	7. And welcomes little fishes in

 

**Chapter 7: And welcomes little fishes in**  
_  
~Show me who you are.~_

  
  
Jun does not bother to strip when he blindly feels his way into his shower, hands groping the cold walls for the shower faucet. When his shaking hands meet the cool metal, there is no hesitation in the way he turns the shower on to full blast. Icy cold water sprays onto Jun’s body, but there is no bodily reaction from him as Jun braces his hands against the tiles. His eyes are wide open, large and unseeing - to an outsider, he may appear as though he is watching the way the pink water flows into the drain on the shower floor, but that is the last thing on Jun’s mind.  
  
His body shakes with great tremors. It is not from the cold spray, which is quickly heating up and warming his soaked body. Instead, his vision continues to see the streaks of red staining his fingers and sheets, as well as the rose petals Jun found in his bed.  
  
How did the petals get there?  
  
Why is there blood on his sheets?  
  
There is an answer for the latter question, but Jun is too afraid to look, to peel away his sleeping shirt and gaze at his back. He is not daft enough to not have felt how dry and sticky the fabric was, stuck to his skin and back as Jun woke up in bed. And then there is that ache, still prominent now even as the hot water beats down his back, present, and an avid reminder of what had happened in Wonderland.  
  
_This isn’t supposed to be possible,_ Jun thinks dizzily, breaths sharp and short as his mind swirls with confusion. Dreams aren’t supposed to _hurt_ you in real life. Aches from having the most intense sexual dream Jun’s has had in a long while isn’t supposed to carry over into awakening. Perhaps phantom aches, yes, but a real physical soreness between his legs and at the base of his spine?  
  
Real cuts in his skin from where his back was pressed against the brick wall of the castle, as Red held him close and ravaged Jun with overwhelming strength and gentleness?  
  
…  
  
As Red apologized to Jun, and begged Jun to not leave him.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
Jun ducks his head, water dripping down his wet hair in rivulets. What is he supposed to do, supposed to think? Just the night before, Jun went to sleep thinking that he would wake up with either a broken heart, or with the renewed vigor to search for Red in real life. He did not expect to wake up to bloody sheets, or the errant rose petals stuck in his hair - Jun was asleep in his bed - how could he have been injured? When had he made a trip to a garden?  
  
What _is_ Wonderland?  
  
His own heavy breathing is loud, and Jun’s chest hurts with how fast his heart is racing, but there is little room in his mind to remind himself to _try_ to not hyperventilate himself into unconscious oblivion. After all, everything makes sense now - all the warnings, the looks of concerns, the warnings —  
  
_‘Don’t let go if you don’t want to die.’ ‘I probably knocked myself into something last night, because I woke up feeling like someone elbowed me really hard in my side.’ ‘You should be careful, Jun. Nothing is wholly safe, no matter what you think.’ ‘Careful, Alice.’ ‘Just… please be careful, Jun. I don’t want you to get hurt.’ ‘Don’t dive too deep.’ ‘Why didn’t you come up? Why, Jun?’ ‘That’s dangerous.’  
  
‘I put your life at risk...I will hurt you, and I have hurt you and putting you in Wonderland made it worse… I want to stop hurting you. I nearly killed you, do you know how badly I am plagued by the thought that you nearly died because of Wonderland and it would have been all my fault?’_  
  
A soft keen reaches Jun’s ears. Its takes him several moments to realize that the sound comes from himself.  
  
The lake. Jun nearly died, and he had played it off as nothing. The horror sits in his gut like a block of ice, seeping into his heart. Everything makes sense now, but it does not stop the terror from settling deep in his bones and shaking his body like a leaf caught in the wind - why has Jun been so _blind_ to this? He saw it - all of these coincidences, but there were simply too many of them to be a coincidence, and Jun thought the concept of sharing dreams explained it all.  
  
But no; there was the lake incident, and then the sudden bout of illness that struck him too quickly and stealthily. It did not occur to Jun then, but there was something suspicious in the manner Ohno and Aiba had known that he was ill, and in the way they implied how _Red_ knew he was ill. It was as though, and likely the case, that they anticipated that Jun would become affected by the drowning incident.  
  
Jun has been _so_ complacent.  
  
This is what Red wanted to teach him. The knowledge of what Wonderland is - or at least, can do. But Jun sees it now.  
  
Red loves him, because the revelation is Red’s biggest sacrifice for Jun. Red knows that Jun may be frightened of Wonderland - and Jun _is_ very frightened - and that Jun may choose to never return to Wonderland and to Red’s side after this incident, but Red showed him anyway. Red risked his happiness for Jun’s safety, and partly to answer Jun’s curious demand. It is for that reason that Jun does not find it within him to despise Red - he does care deeply for Jun, and Jun’s heart aches at that thought.  
  
Jun cares for Red as well.  
  
But that does not change Jun’s petrification.  
  
_“If I lay myself bare to you tonight, right here, will you come back to me - To Wonderland?”_  
  
Jun cannot distinguish between his tears and the spray of the shower. He curls up slightly, and his body rocks with minute motions that he does not really feel. “I’m sorry, Red.” Jun half-chokes, half-gasps as he presses his stinging eyes shut. “I can’t.” He whimpers to the empty room.  
  
He cannot go back.  
  
_He’s scared._  
  
++  
The room is dark, his heavy curtains blocking out most of the winter light and cold. Despite of it, there is a chill in the lonely silence that fills the wide room, the emptiness in the space next to his too large bed a sad reminder of what he could have had.  
  
What he _could_ have had.  
  
Sho buries his face in his palms, and feels the dampness of his cheeks. His own voice sounds hollow to his ears.  
  
“I’ve lost him.”  
  
++  
It’s hard not to think of Wonderland, when Jun sees reminders of it everywhere. Perhaps it is not really the fault of Wonderland, or Red, or SerendipiTea really, but of his own imagination. There should be no reason for Jun to see giant mushrooms where Tokyo skyscrapers are. When Mt. Fuji is visible from his department window, Jun dazedly wonders why there is ice at its peak, and why there is no sparkle of a waterfall.  
  
Jun shakes his head - too much Wonderland, too little sleep. Perhaps that is the bigger problem: That Jun has had very little sleep since he made the decision to stop visiting Wonderland. This time, there is no need for bartenders to tell him to take a ‘break’ from Bliss. Jun does so willingly, letting the work week drag by with painful slowness.  
  
Waking up. Getting ready for work. Vetting articles, attending department meetings, making calls to errant writers. Then home. The hour that he leaves the office gets later and later as usual, given the publication cycle, but that’s normal. Everything is normal.  
  
Except his dreams. His dreams have been dark, and in them, he wakes up in a dark forest alone with nothing but rain and soft thunder echoing in the distance. Initially, Jun was surprised and fearful that he once again seemed to have woken up in Wonderland, but he doesn’t think that is possible without the influence of any drinks from SerendipiTea. And he knows that all he has been drinking is water since the day he woke up with a bloody back. Every night, the thunder in his dreams gets louder, as though approaching him in his tiny nook of a tree trunk - an actual tree, and not a mushroom - and Jun is apprehensive about the night lightning might actually strike him in his dreams.  
  
It sounds illogical, but he has learnt to not doubt or underestimate dreams.  
  
Jun jerks in his seat when the phone on his desk suddenly rings, loud and sharp in his ears as he ungracefully scrambles to answer it. “This is Matsumoto…” He clears his throat when he recognizes the voice of his boss - the editor-in-chief - and instinctively adjusts his posture, despite her not being around to see it. “Chief.”  
  
“I have a new assignment for your department, Matsumoto. It’s big.”  
  
Jun sucks in a breath of surprise, but waves away the looks of interest the noise garners. The only one who does not look away is Toma, who simply raises an eyebrow at Jun’s surprised expression. “I understand, we’ll be right up.”  
  
“Chief is calling us up?” Toma whispers hurriedly to Jun as Jun gestures for him to follow Jun into the hallway. He looks concerned, but his stance relaxes the moment Jun informs him that it isn’t anything bad. “What does she want then?”  
  
“She says it’s a big assignment. Don’t ask me what it is - I don’t know yet.”  
  
“For a magazine on _culture?_ What, did she manage to score us an interview for some Nobel Prize winner on Literature? Or is it a famous musician?”  
  
“I hardly think so.” Jun snorts at Toma’s childlike glee, and winces when Toma slaps his shoulder in barely restrained excitement. The cuts and abrasions from Wonderland has only just begun to heal, still itchy scabs that remind Jun, especially in moments like this, of the scars left behind by Red. “Watch it.”   
  
Toma quickly retracts his hand with an apologetic look. Jun did not tell him how he got injured, of course - what would Toma say if Jun told him he was wounded while having fantastic sex against a brick wall? Besides congratulations, that is. Jun explained that he merely slipped and fell (despite how it makes him sound like a klutz), but that thankfully silenced the curiosity.  
  
“Sorry. Is it not getting better yet?”  
  
“It’s better. Just a bit sore still.”  
  
“I know you said that you fell, Jun, but…” Toma shoots him a handsome grin and wiggles his eyebrows. “Honestly, it sounds like you had a hella good time battling a wall or something.”  
  
Jun forces himself to look unaffected by the comment, and elbows Toma’s side. The attempt fails as Jun is still stiff, but it works to break the atmosphere anyway - Toma bursts out in laughter that Jun rushes to silence, looking apologetically at passing colleagues.  
  
++  
“Excuse me, who are we supposed to write an article on?” Jun repeats in disbelief as Editor-in-chief Kitagawa hands Toma a thin manila file with a business card attached to the front via a paper clip. Jun leans over to catch the name and title of a man he has never heard of, and gapes at the position.  
  
_Sakurai Sho - Head Curator of The National Museum of Western Art_  
  
“As the card says: Sakurai Sho. He is a very busy man, so it will be ideal if you schedule an interview with him as soon as possible. He provided his schedule for the next two weeks, so I expect to see an article in one of the issues next month. The main topic will concern the upcoming temporary exhibition on Scandinavian art.”  
  
“Is he even allowed to give interviews?” Toma asks shrewdly, and Jun lets out a confused sound at the strange question. “I mean, his dad is the Commissioner for Cultural Affairs, right? Isn’t Sakurai set to be put in the Council of Cultural Affairs in a year or so?”  
  
“What?”  
  
When Kitagawa and Toma turn to look at Jun, he hurriedly corrects himself, “I apologize, but, who are we interviewing?” Some hot-shot from a family clouded in politics, is what it sounds like to Jun, but he is not stupid enough to say that in front of his superior.  
  
“You don’t know? Jun, we are partly sponsored by the Council.” Toma looks vaguely shocked at Jun’s lack of knowledge, but it isn’t Jun’s fault that he doesn’t know who their higher up’s _higher ups_ are. To Jun, it has always been about writing, words, and educating others through his magazines, not about who is up there. Head Curator of The National Museum though… Jun doubts the man has the same political ambitions as his father… If he does, then wouldn’t it be more effective to have a ‘showy’ job, not one that puts him in the galleries all the time? “His family plays with all the politics that has to do with national culture. We rarely hear about Sakurai Sho, but that’s likely because he’s the one being sent overseas to be friendly with other museums in the world.”  
  
“And we’re going to send someone to interview him?” Jun clarifies, grabbing the manila folder from Toma and flipping it open to get a proper look at the man’s information - hearing it second-hand is not going to make Jun any more knowledgeable about this new, ‘big’ assignment.  
  
Unfortunately, there are no photos of Sakurai Sho attached to the information sheet provided in the folder. Jun wants to see what Sakurai looks like. Someone who is in his early thirties, but already a head curator in one of the most important museums in Japan - likely slingshotted by his father’s position. What does he look like, if he is always cooped up in the museum, with only the artworks of mostly-dead artists for company?  
  
… Well, Jun takes it back - seeing the man’s schedule, it looks as though Sakurai is extremely busy - intra-museum meetings, inter-museum meetings, council reviews… meetings overseas… Jun feels mildly bad for taking up the minute-duration of free time Sakurai has.  
  
“You are not sending someone to interview him.” Kitagawa clicks her tongue, and swivels a well-manicured finger between Toma and Jun with a patient smile. “One of you will be interviewing him. We cannot afford to make any mistakes by sending someone inexperienced. I would suggest Ikuta, since he is the one with the degree in Art History, but…”  
  
Jun looks up from the folder at the silence, and stiffens at the fixed stares that are directed at him, and balks.  
  
“I don’t have any background in art! Why are you both looking at me?”  
  
“You can’t be expecting me to interview him, Jun.”  
  
“I think you will be the perfect person for the assignment, Matsumoto. Not to insult your capabilities, of course, Ikuta.” Kitagawa smiles sheepishly, before straightening her expression to something more serious. “Don’t worry - you have been provided some keywords to help you. I’m sure Ikuta will be able to take up most of the heavy work this cycle while you acquaint yourself with Swedish painters.”  
  
Jun turns to the next page, and his heart lurches as he reads the printout attached. It is of an oil painting - of blurs and soft colours of green, pinks, blue and _white_ \- titled _Underlandet,_ ‘Wonderland’, and his heart races and palms turn sweaty at the mention.  
  
Coincidence.  
  
He lets out a small, controlled exhalation that can easily by passed off as a sigh. He can never run away.  
  
++  
“Are you not going to sleep soon, Sho?” Ohno asks carefully as he hands the busy man a mug of hot chocolate, careful to rest it a safe distance from Sho’s bluetooth mouse as the man hums in thanks. Sho looks tired, eye bags larger than they usually are, and darker in colour in the artificial light of his laptop. He is hiding in their apartment tonight, still managing emails at this time - 1 am - because his correspondence lives halfway around the world at a time where their work hours are just about to end.  
  
It’s always been like this; A long time ago, Sho would run to their small apartments - before they moved into this one - to hide from the pressure of his family, curling near the kotatsu as he perused one the many textbooks he has on art history. On some days, Sho would complain about how dry the topic was, and on other days, Ohno could see how bright Sho’s eyes got as he shared the story of his favourite artists, art pieces, eras…  
  
  
Or well, it was like this, until Sho was promoted and became busier. Now, Sho stays over when he needs to hide _and_ has the time to do so.  
  
It makes everything more bitter, Ohno decides.  
  
It is evident to them - them as in, Ohno, Nino and Aiba, the people who has known Sho for years - that his job description is not what makes Sho so bitter about his present position. The man likes how packed his work schedule is, how he has to fly at least once every month to another country and meet new people, try new foods, and _learn…_ But it is the appearance of liberty where there is none that affects Sho so badly.  
  
Stuck in a gilded cage.  
  
“Soon. I just have to finish replying to this email. Curators from Sweden and Norway are visiting in a few weeks…”  
  
“And you need sleep.” Ohno presses, but does not push. “At least drink something warm. I have to go downstairs and help Nino, but you know where the extra futon is? It’s in—”  
  
“Your closet, and extra blankets are in Nino’s because he gets cold easily.” Sho looks up and smiles gratefully to his friend, shoulders slumping in a tired sigh. “I know, don’t worry. Go ahead and go down. I promise I’ll go to bed in 15 minutes.”  
  
“If not —”  
  
“If not you’ll send Nino up, and Nino will make me share a bed with Aiba, who will cling onto me like an octopus for the rest of the night. I know.”  
  
Ohno purses his lips but nods, pleased with Sho’s knowledge. Once is too many times, he supposes. “Good night then, Sho.”  
  
“Good night.”  
  
++  
“You’re not asleep.” Nino drawls with vague annoyance as he closes the apartment door with a soft click, one hand pulling at his bowtie. “Didn’t you say you’ll be going to bed in 15 minutes… an hour ago?”  
  
Sho makes no move to rise from his seated position at the kotatsu, the switch turned off but his legs still tucked beneath the table, forehead furrowed as he stares plaintively at his schedule book, large chunks of time marked in dark red ink. Despite the raised eyebrow, Nino does not make any additional move to force the man to bed, and instead undoes his waistcoat, which he carelessly throws over the back of their dining room chair. Wincing as he stretches his back, Nino takes a seat on the fluffy carpet, and presses his side against Sho’s own. “What are you thinking about?”  
  
It never fails to surprise Nino when he sees Sho hesitate. Sho rarely second guesses, although he is never reckless either, always taking care to think about what decision to make and how it might affect the outcome, before being certain. Spontaneity is more of Aiba’s ‘specialities’. But Sho’s fingers twitch slightly from where they are resting lightly above his pen - it is the only betrayal of his uncertainty.  
  
Sho may know how to tame and coax Alice’s trepidation into a state of trust, but Nino knows how to wheedle out Sho’s thoughts. It is partly his role as a bartender, and also partly because of how long they have known each other. The fact that Sho showed up in the bar in the late-afternoon, a bag with a change of clothes at hand, and his laptop, also gave him away instantly. Nino wonders if Sho knows how obvious he is. There is no reason for someone who lives in a larger mansion apartment to want to hole himself up in a smaller apartment with 3 noisy roommates.  
  
(Well, the only noise comes from Nino’s games, but he knows to keep the volume low when someone is sleeping, or working. Not when Ohno is reading fishing magazines though: In those cases, Nino will intentionally drag him over as Player 2.)  
  
Nino changes the topic, and deliberately drapes his weight fully on Sho. “Are you still planning your schedule by the minute, or have you upgraded to by the half-hour now?”  
  
Sho doesn’t budge, of course. No one pushes Nino away when he’s like this. Instead, Sho lets out a sharp exhale, and pouts. The look may have appeared more endearing if not for his haggard expression. “I’m not that crazy. I resent that notion.”  
  
“So, maybe up to quarter hour intervals, then?”  
  
“Nino.” Sho sighs. Nino frowns, because Sho never responded to his teasing in a jaded manner. Sho shifts a few centimetres away from Nino’s body, and timidly smiles as he explains, “You’re heavy.”  
  
“The three of you tell me I’m a twig half the time, and now I’m hea—”  
  
Sho’s weak smile breaks, and Nino stops short of himself. Perhaps this method isn’t too ideal for the situation, and he inches backwards to give Sho a little more space, nonchalantly undoing the first two buttons of his shirt. He waits for a while for Sho to spill whatever it is that is haunting his mind, but when nothing comes forth, Nino rubs his cold palms together, and says, “You know, we’ve been friends for a very long time... And maybe it’s a lot more difficult for you to feel like you are still a part of this group, given how busy you are, but we still care about you, Sho-chan. And we want you to be happy too.”  
  
“...I know you guys do.” Sho murmurs softly, and his posture slumps, this time being the one to lean against Nino’s smaller form. “None of you are subtle with your overprotectiveness.”  
  
Nino barely restrains his snort. It is almost hypocritical to hear Sho call them mother hens, when Sho is one who has always been taking care of them. Even when they were in school, and Sho was far more temperamental and reckless, he always placed his friends before himself. It is for the same reason that Ohno and Nino are working in Sho’s bar instead of having a regular job. Nino hated his desk job, Ohno’s income came and went depending on his art; staying in Tokyo is expensive in general, so when Sho needed people he could trust to run the bar he wanted to open... The building was already purchased, so all they had to do was say yes and move in.  
  
And learn their alcohol, of course. That wasn’t difficult at all. Including Aiba happened naturally - he loves his job as a teacher, but there is only so much freedom he has with his ‘experiments’ when it comes to a chemistry lab with students in it. Having taken a module on bartending during university, Aiba was indispensable for the startup and now for the maintenance of SerendipiTea’s popularity.  
  
And Sho likes knowing that his closest friends have a stable income and shelter over their heads.  
  
_Sacrificial bastard._ Nino thinks a bit sadly.  
  
“That’s beside the point, you hypocrite.” Nino refutes, and lightly flicks at Sho’s hair. Sho does not move, facial expression soft and vulnerable with a drawn appearance and closed eyes. “We know what happened last week. He hasn’t shown up, and you decided to stay over - not that we don’t like having you over.” Nino ends his observations without adding the obvious inference; Sho is lonely, and he’s hiding from it.  
  
“...Is it worth it, Nino?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“Being brave, when it comes to love? Risk putting your heart on the line for someone who may not stay anyway?”  
  
“I know I’m a bartender and have heard my fair share of love stories, Sho, but I’m hardly the best person to answer that question.” Nino answers with great amusement, but tilts his head up slightly to gaze at the photo frame on the TV stand. It holds a picture of the 4 of them, faces partly red from the alcohol they’ve had on Nino’s 20th birthday. It’s different for them: Nino is happy the way he is, having a job that allows him to work with his friends, entertain people with card tricks, and still let him hoard money and play his games. Ohno gets his days off to fish and make art, and Aiba can do what he loves.  
  
Sho doesn’t get to have that, not really. But he deserves it as much as everyone else.  
  
“Jun kept coming back, for _you,_ Sho. And you were happy, weren’t you? You both were. It is a risk to be vulnerable in front of someone, but… Don’t you think it may be worth the happiness you get once you expose yourself? You deserve to be happy, Sho.”  
  
The smile Sho directs at Nino is hesitantly hopeful, and he shuts his organizer. “I too, hope it’s worth it.”  
  
++  
Sent at 1.25am.  
  
_To: “Matsumoto Jun” j.matsumoto@nbpub.ars.jp  
From: “Sakurai Sho” sakurai.s@mwa.jp  
Re: Re: Interview with NihonBunka  
  
Jun,  
  
Pardon my informality - I hope you will allow me to call you by your first name, and in return, please call me Sho. Sakurai-san is my father.  
  
Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, I have been informed that the museum will be receiving several guests from the Swedish and Norwegian Consulate soon, but not the precise dates on which they will arrive, so I would like to request - if it isn’t too awkward for you - that we keep in contact through text, so that I can update you immediately, once I know my updated schedule. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. My number is the one provided on my name card.  
  
I look forward to your messages.  
  
Sho. _  
  
++  
_Messages with Sakurai Sho (080-xxxx-xxxx)_  
  
**7.26am.**  
_MJ: This is Matsumoto Jun, from NihonBunka magazine. You may reach me by this number any time. Thank you, once again, for giving us the opportunity to interview you for our magazine. I understand completely, and look forward to our meeting, whenever it may be._  
  
**8.05am.**  
_SS: You are up very early, Jun. Morning person?_  
  
**8.16am.**  
_MJ: Only after my coffee, yes. I could say the same thing about you. Weren’t you the one who sent me the email at 1.30am?_  
  
**8.25am.**  
_SS: Touche. That wasn’t intentional, unfortunately. The people I work with are often in a different time zone._  
  
Jun looks up from his cellphone momentarily to step into the crowded train bound for Shin-Otsuka station. Morning rushes always annoys him, but it is an unfortunate fact of life when one works in Tokyo, and the workplace is located along the major JR lines. His fingers twitch impatiently as he grabs onto a handrail, and lets his personal bubble be taken up by another commuter rushing to get to work.  
  
_Sakurai Sho._ Jun must admit, his interest is piqued. Jun doesn’t usually make it his mission to be friends with his assignments (although admittedly, the last time Jun had an ‘assignment’ was a few years ago, before he was made editor), but he was pleasantly surprised (for an unknown reason) to see how friendly the reply he received from Sho was. Frankly speaking, Jun isn’t sure what to make of Sho, nor the best way to interact with him - he did some research yesterday night about the entire Sakurai family, and was astounded at how much power the family has. Of course, Jun will never let such information interfere with his work, but he must be cautious to protect both the integrity of the article, as well as the image of Sho (and the museum exhibition, evidently).  
  
Nevertheless, the cordial reply made Jun’s morning, as small and insignificant as an email might seem. He was worried, but maybe he has nothing to worry about. Even the off-handed reply - just a small observation of Jun’s early text - incites a warm feeling within Jun.  
  
_Such an interesting man._  
  
Despite the necessity to prepare for the interview, Jun decides to do so at a later time - Sho has not given him a date for their meeting, and as devoted as Jun is to doing a good job… There is a reason why he studied Literature and not Art History.  
  
Only after lunch does Jun choose to crack open the manila file, teeth worrying his bottom lip as he glances over at the list of artworks to be presented during the exhibition. All of the titles and names look unfamiliar to Jun, and he exhales deeply, clicking his pen nervously as he tries to make sense of everything.  
  
Unfortunately, nothing makes much sense no matter how hard Jun tries.  
  
In the first place, Jun doesn’t know what the article _should_ be about. The focus should be on the exhibition, Jun assumes, but even still, he has no idea how to begin. He has a passing thought of asking Toma for help, but Jun changes his mind when he notices how the man is on the phone with an errant writer, eyes pinched shut in frustration. Jun winces in empathy, and uneasily goes back to look over the long list.  
  
There are too many names, but Jun supposes that is why he was given a specific piece to read up on. Unfortunately, it is also the art piece Jun is trying to avoid, given its title, but work is work.  
  
Underlandet. Wonderland. By August Strindberg.  
  
The painting looks nothing like the Wonderland Jun knows. Most of the information he finds online tells him that the blur of brightness in the center of the painting is intended to be the sea, viewed from a forest, but there is no sea in sight, not even a visible horizon that Jun can pretend to be the ocean.  
  
He squints, he turns the printout… Jun still sees nothing.  
  
This is why Jun likes literature - words paint the images as he reads, the landscape and story always half controlled by the writer, and also partly determined by the creativity of the reader. Jun has never been the most creative student in class, but he could always pick out the beauty in imagery and scenes that writers and poets conjure.  
  
That is not to say that Jun cannot appreciate art. In his first year of university, Jun vaguely remembers his professor (young, but balding and bespectacled) repeatedly describing that all forms of art are the same; That its maker has a message, a thought, when he or she makes it, and that it is up to the observer or reader to decide how to interpret that message.  
  
**2.04 pm.**  
_MJ: I hate to disturb you, Sho, but I admittedly have very little background in art, and I was wondering if I could ask for your help to answer some precursor questions. Totally off the record._  
  
Jun doesn’t comprehend the depths of his actions until he sends the message. It is only after a few minutes of staring at his phone does Jun realize what he has done, and begins tapping out a rushed apology. He does not manage to send it - his phone vibrates in his hand, nearly causing Jun to drop the device on his desk in surprise.  
  
**2.12pm.**  
_SS: It is no trouble at all. I’ll be glad to help. What would you like to know?_  
  
Jun bites his bottom lip at the reply, and relaxes. Tilting his head thoughtfully, Jun quickly replies with the first question in his head.  
  
**2.14pm.**  
_MJ: How do I interpret art?_  
  
The answer comes a few minutes later, and Jun wonders if he is interrupting Sho’s work, or if the man is actually free.  
  
**2.21pm.**  
_SS: I have to admit that I laughed out loud when I read your message, Jun. To answer your question, I’d say, it depends.  
  
MJ: It depends? On what? _  
  
**2.22pm.**  
_SS: You mentioned you have little background in art? Perhaps you prefer books - literature?  
  
MJ: Yes. How did you guess?_  
  
**2.26pm.**  
_SS: You’re an editor of a culture-related magazine, Jun. If you don’t dabble in the art world, it must be something else. Consider it a lucky guess. Returning to your question, Jun. It’s the all the same, interpreting art or books - it depends on you, the viewer, on how you choose to understand the piece; Your guess to what the artist might have intended to convey.  
  
MJ: Through the pictures? _  
  
**2.29pm.**  
_SS: Through the pictures. Through the colours, the way it was painted, the medium, the time it was painted, and sometimes, knowing the artist’s background helps as well.  
  
SS: However, my personal opinion: The story of the artist, matters more so than the art itself. I hope this helps._  
  
**2.37pm.**  
_MJ: Thank you. It does help a lot. I shall try my best then.  
  
SS: Good luck. Don’t hesitate to ask me again if you have any more questions. _  
  
**2.40pm.**  
_MJ: I will._  
  
++  
At the end of the day, it is these words that imprint themselves deeply onto Jun’s mind: _‘The story of the artist, matters more so than the art itself.’_ That is not to say that Sho’s other answers are not useful to Jun, but that specific line sticks in his mind and echoes repeatedly in Jun’s head, oddly, in Red’s voice. His fingers caress thoughtfully at the printed paper as he takes an unfocused bite of his pasta, eyes gazing at the bright center of the painting. Strindberg’s art is what Jun is looking at, but his mind trails beyond the Wonderland Strindberg portrays, and into the Wonderland that Jun knows.  
  
One of the questions Jun thought about in the afternoon, after his conversation with Sho, was ‘What does Wonderland mean to Strindberg?’. That is based on Sho’s guidance, of course, but now that Jun is back in his apartment and once again, surrounded by _boredom_ (loneliness), he has to wonder as well:  
  
What does Wonderland mean to Red?  
  
He remembers his own initial fascination with the enchanting world, of painted colours and smells that Jun has come to associate with _happiness_ , but also _danger_ , and has to wonder what Wonderland meant to Red if he is – Jun assumes – Wonderland’s ‘painter’.  
  
To Jun, Wonderland now seems more like a deceptive trap, one highly embellished with promises of grandeur, love, and adventure, but in retrospect, Jun realizes that such promises cannot be held in real life. He does not like to admit it, but mundanity is better than losing his life.  
  
Still, Jun’s heart aches for Red, and for the goodbye Jun feels Red deserves, but Jun cannot find the strength within him to dish out. Perhaps Jun cannot return to Red just yet (even if it is just to tell him that Jun will not be coming back), though for now, he can put his thoughts into guessing Wonderland’s function, and why it was created.  
  
His phone vibrates just as Jun is preparing to go to bed, and he cannot help his excitement when he checks the new message.  
  
**10.55pm.**  
_SS: How did art ‘interpreting’ go for you today? Sorry about the late hour – I just got back to my place, and remembered our conversation from this afternoon._  
  
Jun should feel flattered that Sho chooses to text him immediately after returning home, but instead, his focus is more on the late hour.  
  
_MJ: It was mildly productive. Thank you for asking. You just got home? Isn’t that far too late?_  
  
**10.57pm.**  
_SS: I have been staying over at some friends’ apartment for a few days, so I had to drop by to grab my things first.  
  
MJ: Oh. Did something happen, since you needed to stay over elsewhere?_  
  
**11.01pm.**  
_SS: Nothing of that sort. Their place is closer to Ueno than where I live, and work has ended later than usual, recently._  
  
Jun’s forehead pinches together at the answer, partly in worry, partly in confusion, but before he can even finish constructing a reply, he receives another text. (Sho types _fast,_ Jun thinks with great amusement.)  
  
_SS: Also, having 3 friends around is better than returning home to an empty apartment._  
  
Jun’s fingers freeze above his screen, and his heart clenches in understanding. He suddenly struggles for words to type – _‘I understand what you mean.’, ‘It’s lonely, isn’t it?’_  
  
**11.08pm**  
_SS: I’m sorry I interrupted your rest – you must have had a long day. Please rest well.  
  
MJ: There is no need for you to apologize. I was getting ready for bed, but I usually spend this time working on my laptop anyway. But, I should say the same to you, Sho. Please go to bed early, especially after yesterday’s late night._  
  
**11.14pm**  
_SS: Unfortunately, I’m the type of man that takes a while to go to bed after getting home – it takes me a while to stop thinking about work. We are both workaholics, I see._  
  
Jun pauses, and there is no reason to feel obliged to respond, especially after Sho has bid him good night. But Jun replies anyway, heart thumping quickly beneath his night shirt and his eyes shut tight as he presses send.  
  
**11.24pm**  
_MJ: Is there anything I can do to help you take your mind out of work?_  
  
**11.25pm**  
_SS: You would talk to a boring art-nerd instead of sleeping?_  
  
**11.27pm**  
_MJ: Only if you don’t mind a boring book-nerd for company._  
  
**11.30pm**  
_SS: You’re not boring at all, Jun._  
  
Jun smiles widely at the reply, and makes himself comfortable in the bed as he rapidly types a response. He does not sleep as much as he usually does that night, but it is the first night in a long time, that he sleeps without dreaming of thunder and a dark forest.  
  
++  
It feels like a betrayal after a while - talking to Sho, that is. What started out as a professional ‘conversation’ quickly builds into something friendlier, more intimate, but Jun cannot complain about it. Jun feels that he should feel wary about getting so… _attracted_ to Sho so quickly, but there is something about Sho’s wit, and his kindness that makes it impossible for Jun to put his phone down and be aloof towards him. Perhaps it is their shared characteristic of being workaholics, of having a passion towards to their career that makes it easy for them to understand each other. Or perhaps, Sho’s loneliness resonates deeply within Jun, and the prospect that _maybe,_ just maybe, something could happen.  
  
But even as Jun’s tired brain wants him to just go home fast, and crash in bed (maybe after a quick text to Sho), Jun cannot help but think of Red, and of Wonderland. It was his habit to spend the night of the end of the publication cycle in Wonderland with Red, but one cycle has come and went, and Jun has not visited even once, not even after Red’s intimate ‘confession’. Jun _wants_ to see Red again, to talk to him, to tell him that Jun isn’t going to come back again, so _please tell me who you are - can we meet for real?_  
  
Talking to Sho has only reaffirmed Jun’s want for a real relationship - but Jun knows it is not fair to Red if Jun leaves him waiting in vain for an answer. He cannot imagine the hurt Red must feel, after having revealed and sacrificed so much for Jun. His chest burns with guilt at the thought, and his eyes close as he rests his head against the seat of the taxi. Behind his closed lids, Red’s handsome - but so, so _sad_ \- face is so vivid in his memory, and Jun knows he needs to decide.  
  
But it is 1 in the morning, and Jun is _so very tired._ He does not want to think of this. If only his brain would agree with him.  
  
_Wonderland. Red._  
  
Sho. Reality.  
  
Wonderland. Red.  
  
Jun growls beneath his breath, desperate to forget. His hand gropes blinding in this pockets, and it is by instinct, the way Jun automatically texts Sho the first question that pops up in his head. There is no fear that Sho is asleep just yet - Jun might have only spoken to him for a week, but Jun _knows._  
  
**1.20am**  
_MJ: Why did you pick Underlandet as the main piece for the exhibition?  
  
SS: Jun, it’s 1.20am. Why are you even awake?_  
  
**1.24am**  
_MJ: Tomorrow’s the cycle deadline. I just left the workplace. Did I wake you?_  
  
**1.25am**  
_SS: No, I was awake. The last train has departed, will you be able to get home safely?  
  
MJ: I’m in a cab already. I’ll be home in 10-15 minutes._  
  
**1.27am**  
_MJ: Good. To answer your question… It’s my favourite painting._  
  
**1.30am**  
_MJ: Wonderland? If you don’t mind me asking, why?_  
  
**1.35am**  
_SS: Because I’m a coward, Jun. And the idea of Wonderland is so tantalizing – to be able to run away from reality, where identities are hidden by titles and madness. Escapism. I see Wonderland, and I feel liberated, but shackled, though it is certainly better than reality, where all I feel is shackled all the time._  
  
**1.49am**  
_SS: I hope you are in bed already, Jun. Sleep well._  
  
**1.52am**  
_MJ: I’m in bed now. You should sleep as well, Sho.  
  
MJ: Escapism… I understand. But, it’s dangerous, isn’t it? What if you forget yourself? Isn’t it better sometimes, to confront reality?_  
  
**1.54am**  
_SS: If you forget yourself, you’ll drown. It is better to confront reality, but unfortunately, I don’t think I’m brave enough to do so. Not yet.  
  
SS: Go to sleep, Jun. Good night._  
  
**1.55am**  
_MJ: I think you’re brave. Good night, Sho._  
  
++  
**4.12am**  
_MJ: Sho. I’m going to say goodbye to a someone important to me tomorrow. Am I brave, or am I foolish?_  
  
**9.21am**  
_SS: *The paradox of courage is that a man must be a little careless of his life in order to keep it. You’ll be alright.  
  
SS: I’ll be free tomorrow after 4. Would you like to meet? We can have dinner together afterwards – my treat._  
  
**10.02am**  
_MJ: I’ll be at Ueno Station at 4.15pm then. Thank you, Sho._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote Sho says (marked by *) is by GK Chesterton.


	8. With gently smiling jaws

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic would never have been completed and written this well if not for the effort of my beta, xdestroying , who worked on it even when she was on holiday. <3 Also, Rock folks (learashi and akhikaru ) deserve cookies for their support <3\. The fic is DONE.

**Chapter 8: With gently smiling jaws  
**   
_~Sho. I’m going to say goodbye to a someone important to me tomorrow. Am I brave, or am I foolish?~_

  
“Well… Look what the cat dragged in.”  
  
Jun pays no heed to Nino’s snark, eyes sore and swollen from having gotten too little sleep the night before. He is tired, this issue has been particularly problematic, and Jun is simply not in the mood to deal with jibes. His body is weary, and he knows that there is a chance that after tonight, his soul will be wearier, if not a bit heartbroken.  
  
The only positivity Jun feels is from his anticipation of meeting Sho tomorrow, _finally._ It is only Sho’s text that lends Jun enough strength to do this, and revisit Wonderland again.  
  
Jun has not been here for at least 2 weeks, but SerendipiTea has not changed at all. The woodwork against the soft, incandescent lighting still draws warmth into Jun’s chest, and the arranged bottles and glass teapots of cocktail ingredients incites nostalgia, as well as the mellow satisfaction one gets when observing something elegant. Jun has not noticed it before when his focus was overwhelmed by curiosity and fascination by the place, but there is a soft sound of classical music being played within the bar, only just loud enough to be heard if one pays close attention.  
  
It’s strange how SerendipiTea feels to Jun now, after a self-imposed exile. He used to feel a desperate craving to return to SerendipiTea and Wonderland after a few boring days of routine, but in hindsight, what has always been _boredom_ to Jun, may have been loneliness. Indeed, Jun would never have returned to Wonderland the first time, if he was not curious, and fascinated by its fantasy. But is it really boredom that stole him away from reality and fed his addiction to Wonderland? Or is it possibly the fact that going home to an empty apartment every day makes the idea of running away to a place with people - insane or not - tempting?  
  
If it is the former guess, then Jun cannot explain why the craving is no longer there, banished, since he has found a kindred soul to talk to, and to relate to, in the odd hours of the night. The feeling still lurks at times, an itch begging to be scratched and soothed by the smell of thickly brewed hot chocolate and the touch of warm hands, smooth skin; but it is more easily ignored now… Or rather, he can ignore it, if he tries. There are no more dreams of freezing lakewater and drowning, not when there is someone who texts him in the early morning, amicably informing him that _‘It’s very cold today, and I really need to remember to increase the utility budget of the museum for heating. The exhibition floors in the basement feels like the Arctic this time of the day! Remember to dress warmly.’_  
  
Jun’s lips turn up ever so slightly at the thought, and there is an added brightness to his motions when he makes to remove the flannel scarf from around his neck.  
  
He can do this… Jun _hopes._ The first thing he has to pass is Wonderland’s gatekeepers, and none of them look positively gleeful to see him. Instead, Ohno and Nino look serious, eyes guarded as Jun takes a seat at the counter.  
  
They trade no words, and it is Jun who breaks the silence first, with a simple, “Thank you.”  
  
“Thank you for what?” Nino blithely says, but it is enough of an ice-breaker for them to resume their preparation duties, given that Jun is visiting at a time when the bar is not yet open. Nino’s attention returns to putting up wine- and coupe glasses on the hanging rack, but his eyes glance back at Ohno and Jun occasionally.  
  
Still, Jun ducks his head and responds sincerely, “For telling me to be careful, and watching out for me when I was in Wonderland.” He hopes he is not breaking any rules when he mentions Wonderland so casually in the bar, but there is no indication that Jun is not allowed to do so, not even a pause or stiffening of shoulders.  
  
Instead, the pair seem to relax.   
Ohno’s voice is kind when he smiles brightly and replies, “You are welcome.”  
But Nino is less forgiving, voice sharp albeit teasing as he quickly adds: “But don’t make us do it again. I swear, watching you is like trying to guard a flightless chick from jumping off a steep cliff. Do you even have a sense of self-preservation, or does workaholic-ness banish that entirely?”  
  
The sharp words do nothing to discourage Jun. “Ever since I was a child, I’ve been told I’m too curious for my own good so I don’t think it has anything to do with my work.”  
  
Nino grumbles at his answer, rolling his eyes while Ohno softly laughs, and reaches over to pat Nino’s shoulder reassuringly. The humor does not last long between them. Despite the laughter, there are serious matters to discuss, and Nino’s expression turns solemn as he fixes his gaze on Jun.   
The topic he is going to address is fairly obvious, and Jun is unsurprised when Nino asks, “So, what are you going to do next?”  
  
There is a lot of weight accompanying the question, which is full of concern and earnestness that Jun is hesitant to answer. Nino and Ohno are Red’s trusted friends - they must be, or Red would have never let either of them - or Aiba - be his proverbial gate-keepers, the ones to wisely choose who to let into Wonderland, and who to keep out. Despite their professional roles, it cannot be denied that between letting Jun into Wonderland under Red’s orders, the dynamics between Jun and the 3 bartenders has slowly morphed into something far more personal than customer and barkeep.  
  
And after all, it is not just Jun’s heart which is on the line when he chooses his next action. For this, Jun cannot be selfish, and he does not want to be, not after all Red has done for Jun, and because Red is much more to Jun than a nameless character.  
  
What is Jun going to do next - well…  
  
“I don't know.” He confesses, honest and afraid as he gazes at the grains of the dark oak counter. The lines run parallel to the length of the table, but do not lie straight, meandering but never touching each other. “Say goodbye, I guess.”  
  
“You're not going to come back?” This time, it is Ohno who asks softly, eyes wide. Though he must have probably predicted Jun's answer long ago.  
  
“Not to Wonderland, no.” Jun shakes his head, voice apologetic. The tenor trembles slightly, giving away Jun’s fear, but he knows they will understand when he explains, “It’s wonderful, but… You know I cannot stay there. I’ve already nearly lost my life once, and it’s no one’s fault but mine. I’m careless.”  
  
“And what about Red?” Nino asks sharply, causing Jun to look up to meet his thoughtful gaze. The reminder is painful, for Jun doesn’t want to do this as much as he has to.  
The words taste bitter in his mouth, but Sho’s words resonates in Jun’s mind and gives him strength. “I cannot love a man I do not know.”  
  
“But you do know him. He shows you much more than he has ever showed anyone, Jun. Are you going to leave him behind as well?” Nino presses nonetheless, and the words hurt - and it may have intended to hurt anyway, sharp and cutting, a reminder to Jun that Red is human too. “He loves you, don’t you see that? The way his eyes shine and face softens whenever he is looking at —”  
  
“But it isn’t real!” Jun snaps, voice raised and choked despite his wet, and suddenly burning eyes. Nino’s mouth closes at Jun’s anger, but Jun is already running on enough hurt and pain to not want to - nor have to - deal with Nino’s reminders, acting like salt on his barely healed wounds. “How do I live with and love someone I can only meet and physically talk to, or see, twice a week in my dreams? Haven’t _you_ been the ones to warn me about differentiating between my dreams and reality? Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”  
  
His breaths are heavy and thick, but Jun isn’t sorry for the acidity of his words, directed at what Jun knows are merely a concerned third party. “You know Red from way back - I _get it._ You’re his friends, he is your boss too. You have the right to be concerned about _his_ feelings, but mine are important too. I know it sounds harsh but… Haven’t you considered that maybe, just _maybe,_ I’m hurting too?”  
  
“We know you are.”  
  
Jun’s vision swivels from Nino to Ohno, who has been quiet until now. Jun missed the fact that Ohno was brewing a fresh pot of tea, for once using a normal, opaque-walled teapot to stew the tea leaves. The escaping steam smells of bergamot and flowers, as well as a hint of an earthy, deep, chocolate smell Jun associates closely to two things, or rather, just one particular person.  
  
Red, and _Bliss._  
  
“Nino might seem brusque about it, but we understand your motives, Jun. I know we barely know each other, but rest assured that we aren’t siding with anyone, not you nor Red. We’d like both of you to be happy.”  
  
Jun lowers his gaze to the tea cup Nino wordlessly pushes in front of him, filled with a deep-red coloured tea that stares back at him, silent and calm. “Is this going to take me back to Wonderland?”  
  
“You wanted to say goodbye, didn’t you? Don’t mind the lack of alcohol; it goes against our morals to intoxicate anyone who looks like they’ve barely had any sleep during the night.”  
  
Jun does want to say goodbye, but he is suddenly afraid. His hands shake from where they are held loosely in his lap, and it is not just from the lack of sleep. What will he do, once he wakes up from Wonderland? Alone, no less. Is he really making the right decision – and will he regret it?  
Perhaps his panic and anxiety are blatantly expressed on his face, for the next thing he knows, Nino has gone around the counter to stand next to Jun. His small, delicate hands – and Jun has never really noticed how different they are from his – are sure when they grab Jun’s wrist and guides it to the warm cup. The temperature soothes the fine tremors instantly, but Nino does not let go, not even when Jun looks at him in surprise.  
  
“If you want, you can take a nap here. Or hell, sleepover if you want to. We’ve got room.”  
  
So that Jun won’t wake up _alone._ Is his fear that obvious? He swallows the thick wad of emotion suddenly stuck in his throat, and keeps his head down as he whispers,  
  
“Will he be there?”  
  
“For you, he will.”  
  
‘We’ll wake you up before the last train, if you feel uncomfortable staying over.” Ohno adds. “Aiba will be home from the end-of-year staff dinner in a few hours – you’re bound to wake up with his return.”  
  
Jun wonders where their kindness stems from, but chooses not to dwell on the matter. Physical and emotional weariness tug at his soul, and he does not even look at his phone when it vibrates with an incoming message.  
  
He gulps the tea down without savouring its taste.  
  
++  
The sky is dark when Jun wakes up in Wonderland. It takes him several moments to realize that it is because it is not yet truly night time in reality, and as a result, whatever sun Wonderland has yet to rise. If Jun wasn’t used to Wonderland's surprises, he might have panicked when he finds himself awakening in one of the oversized armchairs at the Tea-Party.  
  
For once, the table is devoid of people, of food and colourful drinks… Of life.  
  
Wonderland during the day is frightening, and empty.  
  
Jun wonders if he is too early to catch Red, but his gut tells him that Nino and Ohno may do something about it in real life. All these connections are slowly coming together, yet once again, Jun is left bereft and confused when he holds whatever truth he has of Red in one hand, and finds that there is really nothing concrete to clutch onto. It is for this very reason that Jun must say goodbye, he reaffirms, despite every fibre of his being telling him otherwise. He has missed Red so much, his heart hurts just thinking about meeting him.  
  
So, Jun waits, first staring in the direction towards the lake where Red may appear from, where Red rescued Jun from drowning in his own delusions… Then Jun gives up and closes his eyes.  
  
It is too hollow in Wonderland without its occupants. Lonely. Cold. Sad.  
  
Jun feels Red approach before he sees him. Or rather, perhaps it is more accurate to say that Jun smells him. A wind rustles in the distance and carries the nostalgic smell close, and Jun inhales deeply – this may be the last time he can have Red close to him, and Jun wants to imprint _everything_ about him to his memory.  
  
Long arms wrap around his shoulders, and a set of warm lips meet the skin of Jun’s naked nape. Jun keeps his eyes closed, but sighs at the contact.  
  
“I've missed you, Jun.” Red’s voice is soft and affectionate.  
  
“I missed you too.” Jun confesses, and cracks, especially when he feels Red’s warm breath against his skin.  
  
“I don't have much time left with you, do I, Jun?”  
  
Jun exhales loudly at the gentleness in Red’s voice. There is no inflection of sadness, or joy, just blankness that hurts more than it should. “... No, you don't.” He stops, and tries to turn around to face Red, but finds that the arm-lock holds firm. “Red…”  
  
“Let me hold you, please. It has been a while.” Jun wants to stop him, but knows that there is no point denying Red – and himself – what he wants. It _has_ been a while, and even though he is here to say goodbye, Jun can feel his resolve breaking slowly under Red’s touch. “Your heartbeat is like a hummingbird’s wings. I can feel it fluttering so hard under my touch.”  
  
Jun’s eyes are prickling. It is not from dust.  
  
“It's because it has missed you, Red.” He says this, and suddenly, Jun realizes that there is a reason why Red isn’t letting him go. It is a favour to the both of them, stopping Jun from seeing Red’s face one last time, despite Jun wanting to _so badly._ If he does, Jun knows he surely will not let Red go. “You know why I'm here.”  
  
“I know, and you're so brave, Jun. I'm so proud of you.” Red whispers softly next to Jun’s ear, and a wisp of his hair grazes Jun’s temple – _he is so close,_ but yet…  
  
“Will you not tell me your name, Red?”  
  
“Would you believe me if I told you that you will know soon?”  
  
_No._  
  
The words fail him just as the first drop of a salty tear escapes his eye. The tear track feels hot against his skin, so Jun roughly swipes at it, and breathes in noisily, shaking his head once to answer Red’s question. He doesn’t want to say goodbye, but he knows their time is limited. He is going to wake up soon – he just knows it, the reality a bitter taste on the back of his tongue, but a pill he must swallow.  
  
“Can…Can I have one last kiss from you, Red?” Jun croaks, and barely manages to focus his blurry vision on the Venus comb-shaped shell on the brightening Wonderland sky. He wonders what time it is.  
  
“Close your eyes.”  
  
Jun obediently shuts them, clenching them even tighter when he feels Red moving into the small space between the table and Jun’s legs. He does not want to see Red either – he cannot. There is a soft puff of exhalation near his forehead, and a warmth lingering just before his trembling lips.  
  
He needs to do this. There is no backing out of this. _This is the last time he’ll see Red._  
  
A hand reaches to cover Jun’s tightly clenched fist, and gently strokes the white knuckles.  
  
“Jun.” Red breathes. “Until we meet again.”  
  
The words sting far more than a physical wound ever will, but the soft lips that press against Jun’s own soothes the bitter ache of his heart.  
  
His fingers relax under Red’s loving touch, and Jun lets go.  
  
++  
Jun is not surprised to find his cheeks wet when he jerks awake from the sofa he is curled up on. Someone has draped a blanket over him, the soft flannel warm and smelling of freshly laundered linens, but it is not this warmth and smell Jun wants to wake up to.  
  
No. It smells homely, but not of the _home_ Jun wants to be swathed by.  
  
There is no time for him to cry, however. He hears the door of the genkan swing open, and he sits up, rubbing his face roughly to look presentable before anyone can see his miserable expression.  
  
An expression that does not last very long when he accidentally overhears the words traded by Nino and Aiba.  
  
“Oi, has that Sakurai told you whether he’s coming for your birthday party, or will he be jetting off to the middle of nowhere again?”  
  
“Sho-chan has been busy, Nino. You know that. I won’t blame him if he’s occupied, with the big exhibition coming up at the museum and all.”  
  
Jun freezes in shock, and looks up just as the pair come into view, their eyes widening when they realize that Jun is awake and staring at them with an equally shell-shocked expression.  
  
_Sakurai.  
  
Sho-chan.  
  
…Museum?_  
  
“Did… Did you just say Sakurai Sho?”  
  
The light on Jun’s phone is blinking with an unread message. Jun did not look at it before he fell asleep, knowing that the person on the other side would understand if his response was late on the day of a magazine deadline.  
  
_Messages with Sakurai Sho (080-xxxx-xxxx)_  
  
**5.52pm**  
 _SS: I’ll pick you up outside the gates of the central exit of JR Ueno station. See you then, Jun._  
  
++  
What should he feel – Jun wonders. There is a strange hollowness in Jun’s heart, a gaping ache left by Red and Wonderland that Jun feels should be mending when he finally meets _Sakurai Sho._  
Or, as he knows now, _Red._  
  
But there is none of that content or fulfilment Jun has expected to feel when he meets his mysterious lover (or ex-lover, Jun doesn’t know what Red is to him, as of yet), no fluttering of his heart or sweaty palms as Jun taps his IC card against the reader on the gate. Here he is, central exit of JR Ueno station… and he feels empty.  
  
Jun pushes his glasses up with a finger, and looks at his watch to check the time.  
  
He is a bit early – it is only just 4pm, but apparently it doesn’t take as long as Jun thought it would, to get from his workplace to Ueno station. Now he has to wait until Sho shows up.  
  
At least he knows what Sho looks like, he thinks neutrally, before fishing out his notebook for a list of questions Jun doesn’t really want to ask. His priorities are admittedly skewed; he needs to interview Sakurai Sho for work, but simultaneously, Jun wants to talk to Sho as Red. There is so much left unsaid, but Jun doesn’t really know what to ask. For one, at least – to what extent is the sudden ‘big’ assignment due to Sho intentionally pulling the strings to meet Jun, or is it just coincidence.  
At this point, he is quite sick of coincidences.  
  
Staring blankly at the wide staircases leading to Ueno Park, Jun lets his mind wander momentarily, mouth a thin line as he counts the pigeons that slowly hop past him. They all fly away at the next rush of commuters exiting the station, and Jun only mourns their disappearance for several seconds before realizing that someone has stopped next to him and not moved in a while.  
  
“You wear glasses.”  
  
Jun’s heart skips a beat.  
  
The voice is just the same, as is his scent – or cologne, whichever – but is his face the same as well? Jun is uncertain if he wants to know, but he cannot lie to his heart. Jun has wanted to meet Red in real life since they kissed under the Sunset Boulevard.  
  
It just hurts that Jun has been feeling so heartbroken about losing Red when Sho knew exactly who he was the entire time, but said nothing. A rational part of Jun tells him that it is expected of Red. After all, Red…Sho, Jun means Sho – didn’t know if Jun had any intentions to return to Wonderland. But it still hurts.  
  
It hurts, but Jun needs to face Sho as well. It is only polite after all. Jun turns his head, expression blank, and stops as he takes a good look at the man who has been eluding Jun for so long. The first thing Jun notices is the missing piercing – a shame, in Jun’s opinion, since he was quite fond of it – all left is the scar on his lobe, a dark red spot where Jun remembers the silver earring to be at. The second thing Jun realizes is how devastating Sho looks in proper work clothes. A tie is missing, but Sho is wearing a dark purple shirt beneath his heavy, black coat. He has a small smile on his face as he gazes at Jun, but there is some hesitance, and fear in his eyes.   
He is waiting for a response. Jun’s mouth feels dry all suddenly, but he remembers his manners, and ducks his head in a polite bow. Jun should greet him first, introduce himself, but instead, all that comes out is, “Your piercing is gone.”  
  
“It’s not appropriate for work, unfortunately.” Sho comments softly, a hand reaching up to finger at the pierced lobe. “Shall we walk over to the park? You can ask your questions while we walk.”  
  
He does not wait for an answer before he starts walking, and Jun can only follow, fingers groping at the camera hung around his neck to steady his nerves. It is frankly too cold to stay outside after the sun goes down, but Jun sees the appeal in walking. He isn’t sure if he can reign in his anxiety if he sits still. To Sho’s credit, he looks far less anxious than Jun, although Jun has always been able to read into the fine nuances of Sho’s reactions – Sho _is_ nervous, if the stiff shoulders weren’t an obvious hint.  
  
Some part of Jun wants to reach out to grab Sho’s hand, but he stops himself. This isn’t Wonderland anymore. People can see, and Sho comes from a very politically-involved family, clearly one that should not be trifled with. He understands the appeal of Wonderland, at least for Sho – an escape. Things are complicated now, and Jun doubts for several seconds whether he is really capable of holding this interview for work while dealing with his feelings for Sho simultaneously.  
  
“Is this going to be a formal interview?”  
  
Jun’s heart falls, and he looks down at his feet. “Do you want it to be?”  
  
“…Not really, no. But, I don’t think what I want matters right now, Jun. It’s your turn.” He swallows thickly at Sho’s kind answer – unselfish bastard, once again.   
He opens his mouth to reply that they could start with the actual interview questions, and maybe, after that, talk about private matters (or vice versa – does the order even matter anymore?); But Sho cuts in once more, looking particularly vulnerable as he looks away from Jun into the yellow-orange sky – the colour of sunset – and asks: “Just one question: Are you going to run away from me after this, Jun?”  
  
“…No. But I want answers.”  
  
Sho nods, and Jun’s heart clenches at the way Sho’s shoulders relax at Jun’s response. Clearly, Jun’s anxiety is not one-sided, even if Jun has been the one kept in the dark about Red’s real identity.  
  
Unfortunately, there are too many people walking around them: Children and mothers heading home before their husbands, couples walking past them to hide away from the evening cold that is slowly settling in. This is no place for the answers Jun wants from Sho. It does not stop him from walking closer to Sho’s side, their gaits matching quickly as they move past the throng of people, further into the park.  
  
Their bodies are just close enough for Jun to feel Sho’s body warmth lingering at the surface of his coat. A shy finger reaches out to touch Jun’s hand, discrete and apprehensive, and the contact sends familiar tingles across Jun’s skin.  
  
“Just a little more. The museum is just around the corner after this bend…”  
  
“Museum?” Jun parrots, and looks at Sho in confusion, brain not quite connecting with Sho’s words. It’s hard to think, Jun realizes, when they’re so close to each other, pressed together by the people. Or perhaps, it is less the fault of the crowd and just them instinctively gravitating towards each other’s presence, close, but not quite touching.  
  
Sho tilts his head slightly to smile at Jun with raised eyebrows. “My office, Jun. It’s in the museum, of course. I’m thinking you’d like some privacy for your questions. Also, I have a print-out of some information that might be useful for your magazine. Just so that we can streamline the process.”  
  
“Right.”  
  
“You haven’t been in Ueno for a while, have you?”  
  
Jun feels his cheeks warm at the gentle tease, feeling mildly overwhelmed and confused. There are two images of Sakurai Sho in his head, and trying to put them together isn’t as difficult as Jun expected it to be, but still disorienting nonetheless. Red started out as aloof, but warmed into someone lonely and vulnerable, possessive and affectionate all at the same time. The Sho who Jun traded messages with is charismatic, friendly, and… well, loneliness is a given. But put together, the image that is Sakurai Sho falls together like a jigsaw puzzle Jun has been trying to solve.  
  
They are one and the same.  
  
“My workplace is on the other side of Tokyo, Sho.”  
  
“So is my apartment.” Sho continues, and Jun lets his worries fall away, at least temporarily. If he is going to be nervous, he can do it later when he is in Sho’s office.  
  
“But I don’t have friends living above a bar I own near here.”  
  
“You do now.”  
  
Jun shakes his head at the direction this conversation is going in. When he looks up, Sho is wearing a bright grin that Jun realizes he cannot bear to get rid of.  
  
“I’ll just give you a tour of the area then…” Sho gestures to the buildings behind them with an exaggerated flippancy that makes Jun snort. “So that building we passed by was The Ueno Royal Museum, this is Ueno Park, the zoo is somewhere further up ahead…”  
  
“Very enlightening.” Jun deadpans, and adds, “You’d make a horrible diplomat.”  
  
“Diplomacy and politics are overrated.” Sho huffs, and Jun nearly laughs until he realizes that those two things are what Sho’s family dabbles in. The image is cute nonetheless, a young Sho, adorable with his round cheeks and stubborn attitude nonetheless, watching his father work with disinterest and boredom. “And then, this is my museum.”  
  
The grey building looks as grand and simplistic as the pictures online, the grey-pebbled panels distinctively modern against the sleek angles of The National Museum of Western Art. The modern architecture looks especially stark against the natural angles of the vegetation in the park, but Jun presumes that is the function – urban and stylish against an oasis in a bustling city like Tokyo.  
  
“I’ll spare you the proper introduction of its architectural history.” Sho adds. “It’s long. I have the important facts memorized for when I have important visitors but…”  
  
“And I’m not important?” Jun mumbles, but he is not really offended, eyes seeking an ideal angle for a photo for the magazine.  
  
“I doubt a 30-minute explanation on architecture is what you want, Mr. How-do-I-interpret-art.” Sho stops, and blinks when Jun turns in a circle. “What are you doing?”  
  
Jun doesn’t explain, mind set to ‘work’ mode as he points to a spot in the north-eastern direction from where they are at. “Stand there.” It has been a while since Jun was the one to take a picture for the magazine, but he doesn’t mind. It is the most fun part of working in the magazine publishing business, in his opinion, and not difficult at all when he was involved in the photography club in university.   
  
Of course, he should be less brusque about ordering someone to move to certain spots, but Sho is hardly a stranger (technically).  
  
The picture comes out wonderful, and Jun is unsurprised. There are trees, an aesthetically pleasing museum, and an equally handsome head curator who seems born to be taken pictures of. He hums, pleased, and only twitches when Sho comes up next to him to peek at the camera screen.  
  
“Do I look good?”  
  
“No, the trees and building do, but it’ll pass.”  
  
Sho really pouts now, and Jun feels a sudden urge to kiss him, one he has to force down.  
++  
Despite the lack of visible windows, Sho’s office – the head curator’s office – has a wide window with a view of the museum’s surroundings. The curtains are only partly drawn, but Sho leaves Jun in there momentarily to visit the nearby staff office and let his secretary know that he will be occupied for the rest of the day.  
Jun takes the opportunity to take a good look around the man’s office while he is still alone. The room is spacious, but its size is expected of someone in Sho’s position. There is a small, round glass table in the corner opposite of Sho’s desk, and door near the window that leads to a small bathroom. The shelves and cabinets are filled partially with folders, and a small handful of art books.  
  
There is a clearfile marked ‘for Jun’ on the glass table, and Jun peruses it over while waiting for Sho to return. It is filled with the printouts that Sho promised him, and nerves begin to take hold of Jun again when he realizes that they will have to talk.  
  
“Okay, I’m yours for the rest of the evening.”  
  
He jumps, startled, and turns to find Sho locking the door.  
  
“I see you found the printouts. Do you want to take a seat? I promise I won’t bite.”  
  
Jun is pretty certain Sho bites, but he keeps his mouth shut, teeth worrying his bottom lip as he takes the chair across from Sho’s desk, and waits. He isn’t too sure what to do now. He should be asking interview questions, but now that they are in a private spot, and Sho is looking at him so earnestly…  
  
_Fuck work._  
  
“Do you love me?” Jun blurts out, and quickly casts his gaze to his lap. He is afraid to hear Sho’s response, although he suspects that his fears are unfounded.   
Sho sucks in a breath. “That’s a stupid question, Jun. Of course I do.”  
  
The answer should make Jun happy, but he finds himself getting angry instead. There is no hesitance in Sho’s answer, nor in his eyes when Jun looks up accusingly. “Then why didn’t you tell me? From the start, when we started texting each other? I felt so guilty, thinking that I was betraying you for… For you, when it turns out that I didn’t have to feel like that at all.”  
  
“I wanted to be there.”  
  
“Be where?”  
  
“By your side, after the lake incident. When you woke up. You were ill, I know you were, and all I could think of for the following 2 weeks was how much I wished I knew you here, so I could be the one to take care of you, to hold you tight when your fevered dreams took you. But I couldn't, and I hated my cowardly self for making me unable to do so.”  
  
“So, you planned this? To deceive me?”  
  
“It wasn’t a deception. I was afraid after I hurt you. Maybe you didn’t want to see me again, you wanted to forget… but, I’m a selfish man, and I wanted you.”  
  
“Is that why you selected an artwork titled Wonderland? To drop me a hint, hoping that what, maybe I’d know it was you and fly back into your arms?” Jun’s tone is sharp, but he needs to know.  
  
For the first time since they’ve spoken, Sho looks away, unable to meet Jun’s eyes. His voice is hollow when he answers, “No. Because I wanted to see if you’d run. You have a co-editor, don’t you? If you were really afraid of me, and of Wonderland, you wouldn’t be here right now, and I would have known that I’d lost you completely. If that was the case, then I would have left you alone.”  
  
Jun’s mouth is dry, but his eyes feel oddly damp.  
  
“I’ve been running away for a really long time now. Trying to hide myself in Wonderland, hide all of…” Sho gestures widely at his office, and smiles bitterly to himself. “I like the work, don’t get me wrong. But every day, it’s serves as a reminder that I’m caught in the web that is my family’s influence, _politics,_ and _image,_ and I wanted to run from all those stupid matchmaking sessions. Those matchmaking sessions were annoying before I met you, but then after… I only wanted you, Jun.”  
  
There’s a lot of information for Jun to take in, and he is afraid he’ll miss out something important, but he has to say something, anything, even if his mouth is dry and it is hard to think when all of this information is pushed onto him at once.   
  
“Is that why you didn’t want to tell me who you are?”  
  
Sho looks ashamed, but Jun guesses he knows the answer to that question.  
  
“If it helps, I had no idea who you were until my boss gave the assignment.” Jun confesses. “I was wondering why it was so blasphemous to them that I was confused, but it’s not really my fault that I don’t keep up with the art news, is it? I mean, barring the fact that I’m co-editor of a culture magazine.”  
  
The words work to their intended effect, and Sho snorts once, twice – then bursts out in relieved chuckles, burying his face in his hands. Jun frowns at the motion. Before he knows it, Jun is already reaching out to weave his fingers into Sho’s hair, an instinct to comfort the man who did just that for Jun in his dreams.  
  
“You know, I’m only surprised that you aren’t asking me about Wonderland.” Sho mumbles into his palms, tilting his head slightly to press firmly against Jun’s fingers.  
  
He looks beautiful like this.  
  
Jun hums, and shrugs. “Isn’t the point of Wonderland to learn to accept the truth even if one does not know it?”  
  
Sho opens his eyes, searching, and meets Jun’s gaze. Jun is still stroking Sho’s hair, testing the feel of the strands between his fingers and unconsciously marvelling at how real it is – how real their proximity is, for once.  
  
“But you wanted to know who I am.”  
  
“There is truth, and then there is you.” The words come out in a sigh, and Jun wishes he could hold Sho, to test how it feels, if Sho feels different from Red. “I can’t love someone I don’t know.”   
  
Sho suddenly grabs his wrist, causing Jun to jerk in surprise. However, Sho’s gaze is unwavering, mouth a fine line and eyes serious as he squeezes Jun’s wrist in a silent request. Jun knows what he wants, and he stands, walking behind Sho’s desk until his legs touch Sho’s knees. Jun isn’t sure of the meaning behind their sudden proximity, but when Sho grabs Jun’s hands and bring them up to his cheeks to nuzzle Jun’s palms, Jun understands that this is Sho openly offering Jun something to share between them.  
  
There was never a real need for Jun to doubt Sho’s feelings for him, but with Sho looking up at him with an uncharacteristic submissiveness – only accentuated by their position – Sho gives Jun all the power to make his judgement.  
  
“You know now.”  
  
“I do.” Jun agrees, and adds, “Some. I know a little now.”  
  
“I like shellfish. I don’t cook very well, but enough to survive. I bend to cheesecake. I don’t like being alone. My best friends are all bartenders, but I promise I’m not an alcoholic—” Jun silences Sho’s ramble with an eyeroll, and grabs Sho’s shoulders as he rests a knee in the space between the armrest of the leather chair and Sho’s thigh. He didn’t need that information to make his decision. Those facts, he can learn after.  
  
He already decided the moment he chose to say goodbye to Red.  
  
Sho’s hands instantly go around Jun’s waist to support him, barely straining as he pulls Jun into his lap properly, the chair squeaking at the added weight. Sho leans back as Jun bends down, their foreheads meeting in a gentle tap, and then Jun relays his decision by pressing his lips against Sho’s.  
  
The kiss is languid and sweet – but also entirely inappropriate given the setting, but then again, the door is locked, so Jun really doesn’t care. Neither does Sho, as his arms tighten further around Jun, pulling him closer as Jun adjusts his grip to cup Sho’s nape.  
  
It is like coming home, except that they are in Sho’s office, instead of some odd fantastical forest in their imagination. Sho’s lips are the same as Red’s, but of course they are, Jun berates himself mentally. Even his possessive hold is the same, clutching onto Jun as Sho sucks Jun’s bottom lip eagerly, desperately. Jun isn’t sure how long they’re going to keep this up, but neither of them are pressed for time tonight.  
  
He giggles, and forces a little distance between them to catch his breath. Sho chases his lips, but Jun tilts his head to the side, earning a disgruntled grunt from Sho who proceeds to trail kisses down Jun’s jawline instead.  
  
“I’m supposed to be interviewing you, Sho.”  
  
“Exhibition will start a week before Christmas, and we will be setting up a special exhibit that uses lighting art to mimic the typical seasonal lighting in a Scandinavian country. We want visitors to be able to experience what the artists might have been inspired by –” Sho murmurs into Jun’s neck, earning a slap on the shoulder as Jun huffs.  
  
“Not like that.”   
  
Sho looks up, and then glances at the desk clock. His eyes are brighter than when Jun first met him in the station, and there is something endearing about the way he refuses to let Jun off his lap to freshen up. “We can do that over dinner.”  
  
“Then you’ll have to let me go. We’re in a family-friendly museum, Sho – people will know something happened if we go out looking like this.”  
  
“Bathroom is over there.”  
  
Sho still makes no effort to release him. Jun grinds his hips against Sho’s unrepentantly to silence his incorrigibility, earning a swift groan before Sho finally frees Jun from his grasp. Jun thanks him with a kiss to his forehead, and pretends to not notice how Sho’s eyes track his body as Jun refreshes himself in the bathroom.  
  
Sho is as easy to read as Red is.  
  
++  
The apartment smells clean when Jun walks in. Sho holds the door open for him, but there is only so much area that the light of the genkan can illuminate, and Jun makes out a wide terrace door that reveals the sparkling lights of Roppongi, glittering under the night sky, set against high walls made up of double-paned windows. Jun is blinded momentarily when Sho flips the light switch, waving off the apologetic expression Sho directs at him as Sho quickly turns the light dial, dimming it to a softer, _romantic_ glow.  
  
Jun gives Sho his coat to hang when Sho offers, but his eyes are curious, peering closer into Sho’s home.  
  
“This is my place.” Sho comments awkwardly, but there is nothing awkward in the manner he grabs Jun's hand in his warm grip, squeezing gently as he leads Jun further into his home. “I didn't really need a lot of space, since I've been living alone for… well, since I finished university, but the books needed somewhere to go.  
  
The apartment isn’t obscenely large, or as pretentious in its design as the Castle was, but it is spacious enough for one (or maybe, two) people to live in. From the entrance, Jun can see that Sho’s apartment is a maisonette, the first floor his living room and a spacious kitchen that doubles as a bar. The living room is tastefully furnished, although there is something clinical about the sofa – it looks new, whereas the armchair is fair more battered and worn with age and usage. Jun does not blink at the collection of alcohol bottles lining up the cabinet above the kitchen counter. It is almost expected from someone who owns a bar.  
  
A staircase leads to what Jun presumes to be the bedrooms, but his eyes are fixed on the walls opposite from the tall windows. The entirety of the wall – at least up to the ceiling of the first floor – is furnished with sturdy shelves of pine wood. The shelves themselves are filled to the brim with books, either on art history or literature. It is a collection that Jun himself would be jealous of, hands twitching in Sho’s as he resists the temptation to run his fingers across the battered spines of the clearly well-loved books.  
  
“You forgot to mention something, Sho.” Jun murmurs as Sho pulls him pass the bookshelves. The statement causes Sho to stop, turning towards Jun with a curious gaze. Jun doesn’t meet his gaze, and slowly pulls away to move closer to the books, eyes drawn to a thin, well-worn paperback. His fingers gently graze the spine, eyes catching the small faded print: _‘Through the Looking Glass’._  
  
A hesitant arm reaches out to wrap around Jun’s waist, and the damp air that blows near his ear has a shiver travelling down Jun’s spine. “Hmm?”  
  
“You’re a book nerd too.” Jun teases, gesturing lightly at the row of books. “I’m quite jealous of your collection, actually.”  
  
“You can read them whenever you’d like, but about half of them are history books, you know. You’ll fall asleep before the tenth chapter, I can guarantee that.” Sho nibbles lightly at the lobe of Jun’s ear, and Jun’s body warms at the attention. Sho is clearly impatient, and now that Jun is reminded of why they have returned to Sho’s place, he is impatient as well, turning to face Sho and weaving his fingers into Sho’s soft hair.  
  
He brings their lips closer, but does not let them touch Sho’s. Instead, the edges of his mouth quirks up in a smile, one that grows wider when he feels Sho’s hands boldly hold him tighter now. This feels familiar, Jun thinks – like one of those moments when Red would pin Jun against a tree, hold him close and gauge Jun’s response for permission to kiss him. “I take that as a challenge. Have you forgotten that I had to read at least 50 readings per semester when I was in university? Some of which were boring, anthological _tomes_ that should be considered ammunition.”  
  
“As lovely as this conversation of books being used for other nefarious purposes besides reading is, why don’t we continue the rest of our conversation upstairs, where there’s a proper bed?”  
  
Jun hums, as though considering Sho’s suggestion, and laughs when Sho pouts at his lack of agreement. “Okay, alright, you impatient man.”  
  
“Just for you, Jun.” Their lips meet momentarily, a soft kiss to tease at each other’s yearning for contact. Hunger for Sho (for _Red)_ coils low in Jun’s belly when he notices the way Sho’s gaze darkens, and scans over Jun’s body, perhaps picturing the last time they had sex. Simultaneously, Jun’s fingers tighten around the hard muscle that is hidden beneath Sho’s shirt. _Yes,_ Jun wants to go to Sho’s bedroom now. There is time for him to look at Sho’s book collection in the morning.  
  
Ironically, they do not move from their spot. Somehow, the single kiss turns into another kiss, then another, the duration becoming longer with every subsequent time their lips meet. Hands begin to stray just as tongues meet teeth, dragging moans from each other’s chests.  
  
“Bed, Re—Sho. Bedroom, now.” The name slips out of Jun in his haste, but Sho doesn’t flinch. Instead, his hands grow even more passionate in their exploration, untucking Jun’s shirt to slip under them and caress Jun’s back. The heated touch draws a soft whimper from Jun. It is painfully familiar, but now that Jun has Sho - has Red – kissing him in his living room and in front of the nightscape that is Roppongi, Jun feels his heart fluttering unsteadily with barely repressed joy.  
  
There are no giant mushrooms. The sky is clear and full of stars, with the moon watching over them… And everything is _real._  
  
What they have is real.  
  
Somehow, (and Jun isn’t sure how exactly,) they manage to stumble their way up the stairs into what Jun presumes to be Sho’s bedroom, all the while shedding their shirts in the hallway. When the back of Jun’s calves collides against soft sheets, he lets Sho push him onto the bed without resistance, his pants already unbuttoned and waiting to be removed.  
  
They pause momentarily to rid each other of their remaining clothing, Jun sitting up to undo Sho’s belt. Little words are traded between them, but the rushed movements grind to a halt when they are both finally naked and bare for each other to see.  
  
“Sho…” Jun breathes slowly, and offers his hand for Sho to take.   
Sho’s wordlessly takes it, and rests a knee between Jun’s legs as he crawls forward to loom above Jun. Jun’s legs part instinctively to make space available for Sho, and he wets his lips with his tongue in demure askance. Sho’s strong arms rest next to Jun’s head, vessels and muscles bulging slightly at the pressure, but there is no faltering of Sho’s strength, not even when Jun winds his limber legs around Sho’s waist to pull him close. Faces brought together, Jun is perfectly aware of how flushed and warm his body feels, nerves tingling at the sensation of Sho’s bare skin against his.  
  
Red’s body. Sho’s body.  
  
It feels so different, yet eerily familiar, the way Jun’s body relaxes and tenses under Sho’s touch. Then again, Red and Sho are the same person, the same body and mind that Jun wishes to treasure. It is the same scent of chocolate swathing Jun given their closeness. But being here, in Sho’s bedroom, while outside, the streets open to the Roppongi and Azabujuban area instead of Wonderland, Jun feels relieved, his early anxiety melting away and leaving him limp and emotional.  
  
The sudden sweep of emotion has Jun’s eyes burning, and he turns his head away to hide his weeping eyes. He does not know why he is crying, especially when they were so impassioned with arousal and desperation less than 5 minutes ago. Yet under the kind scrutiny of Sho, Jun feels his barriers fall apart.  
  
“Please don’t weep,” Jun hears Sho whisper in his ear, just as a smooth palm cups his cheek to turn Jun’s head forward, and brush away the damp tear tracks. Sho’s eyes are dark with worry, but the handsome face – the one Jun has a name to now, instead of just Red – gazing at him with all seriousness, makes Jun’s eyes water even more so. Sho’s voice is painfully gentle when he asks, “Don’t hide from me, Jun. Why are you crying? Do you want me to stop?”  
  
“No!” Jun shakes his head quickly, hands seeking out Sho’s bare shoulders and tightly grasping at the warm skin. “Don’t stop. I’m just…”  
  
He searches for the word, mind suddenly blank as Sho runs his hands down the length of Jun’s sides, thumbs brushing reverently at the small indents and dips between Jun’s ribs. Sho’s focus is still fixed on Jun, but he patiently waits for an answer, only seeking to comfort, instead of to rush.  
  
Jun reaches out to wrap his arms around the back of Sho’s neck, and leans up to nuzzle into Sho’s collarbone. “…glad. I’m just glad and relieved that I found you.”  
The answer seems to satisfy Sho, who sits up after pressing a kiss to Jun’s temple. “This might be a stupid question, but do you still want to… well, fuck, for the lack of a better word?”  
  
“You don’t want to?” Jun hopes that he does not look too crestfallen, especially when they are both naked and on Sho’s bed already. His body is thrumming with excitement, nerves craving for the touch of Sho after having been so far away from him for weeks, but Jun ducks his head and bites his lip, suddenly shy with Sho’s hesitancy.  
  
“I very much want to, I just want to be sure that you want to as well.” Sho’s voice is low, and Jun looks up, only to see Sho slip to the side momentarily to dig into his bedside drawer. “Because technically, today’s the first day you know me as Sakurai Sho and not Red, and…”  
  
“I don’t care about the names.” Jun interrupts, and grabs Sho’s wrist to tug him onto the bed and into an embrace, one that Sho sinks into quickly. The insecurities make a lot more sense now, after their conversation/interview, but Jun will not let his new knowledge affect his opinion of Sho at all. To be fair, Jun was not aware of Sho’s existence until the assignment, but he isn’t going to tell Sho that just yet. “You’re Red. Red is you. I fell in love with Red, yes, and I may have only been texting you for the past few weeks… But, if I hadn’t known Red is you, I’d have fallen in love with this art nerd called Sakurai Sho either way.”  
  
Their bodies are warm, locked in this tight cuddle, and Jun feels the way Sho’s body grow limp as Jun states his declaration, expression soft as he reaches to kiss Jun. Their foreheads rest against each other, breaths mingling between their faces as familiar adoration settles within Jun.   
  
“I’m so glad you walked into the bar that day.”  
  
“Can we cut the sappiness and continue where we left off?” Jun teases, but his cheeks are aflame with joy. Nevertheless, he wants to resume where they have stopped – the sensation of Sho’s bare body pressed against Jun’s is doing something pleasurable to Jun’s libido, and he purses his lips every so slightly as he demands, “Kiss.”  
  
“Bossy.” Sho chuckles, but relents. He catches Jun’s bottom lip – wet and shiny – with his teeth, and Jun moans, letting his hands roam once again.  
  
There is no doubt that Sho and Red are the same person. Jun can see it, feel it, the way Sho’s hands roam across Jun’s body, confident and sure in their path to gauge Jun’s responsiveness. Now that they have each other, they can take their time to learn each other’s bodies, and Jun wants to learn… If Sho would let Jun do so. Just as Jun’s hand curls around Sho’s neck, Sho takes his nipple into his mouth and _sucks,_ leaving Jun pathetically breathless at the small action.  
  
“Sensitive.” Sho murmurs appreciatively, causing Jun to flush further, fingers digging into Sho's skin in retaliation.  
  
“Don’t say such embarrassing things.” Jun complains half-heartedly, and bites his lip to silence the sharp mewl that threatens to escape as Sho repeats the action, and nips at the pert bud with his teeth. His complaint goes unnoticed, obviously, for he feels Sho’s smirk against the skin of his breastbone before he sees it. It is an unfortunate habit of Jun to feel self-conscious about the manner in which his body reacts; the only exception their intimate exchange in Wonderland – at that time, they were too emotionally charged for Jun to care about silencing his noises of pleasure. But here, with ample time and… _opportunities,_ Jun feels the typical rush of embarrassment descend upon him despite the pleasure that slowly builds in his nether regions.  
  
“Try and stop me.” Sho mumbles, moving away to blow lightly at the now swollen and wet nipple. Jun arches at the contact, breathing growing heavier as he mewls quietly, face flushing. “I want to hear you.”  
  
"And I don't want your neighbours to hear _me._ " Jun snaps breathlessly, but slides his hands down the length of Sho’s back to grope at the round globes that is Sho’s bottom. He has wanted to touch it properly since he saw Sho (or rather, Red) naked, but there wasn’t a lot of opportunity to do so with how intense their first time with each other was… Not that Jun is complaining about the incident. He smiles at the sharp intake of breath Sho makes at the motion, and moans softly at the sensation of hot hardness pressing incessantly at his thigh, now more prominent with the way their pelvises are pressed together.  
  
"You seemed to have no trouble at all making loud noises when we were in Wonderland. And we were outside then."  
  
“Well, I was a bit overwhelmed with emotions then – pardon me for wanting to preserve some dignity now.” Jun snaps, and gasps when Sho swiftly adjusts their position so that he can loom above Jun, kneeling in the space between Jun’s parted legs. His hands knead Jun’s hips, and his eyes rake across Jun’s body blatantly, but that is not what garners a sound or reaction from Jun. Instead, Jun squeaks sharply when Sho tugs him closer in a powerful jerk, pulling Jun’s legs over his thighs and causing a blush to colour his cheeks in shock and arousal.  
  
“You don’t have to. Not in front of me.” Sho pauses, and tilts his head thoughtfully before adding, “Unless that is a challenge? You shouldn’t really test me, Jun. Just say the word, and I’ll make you forget _everything._ ”  
  
Jun closes his eyes at the wave of lust and self-consciousness, erection swelling at the declaration. “Don’t make promises you can’t kee— Ah!” He keens when Sho takes his erection in his large hand, squeezing in what Jun interprets as a warning.  
  
“Watch me.”  
  
And Jun watches. Or at least, he tries to, but his attempt to stay quiet is quickly abandoned by the time Sho has a lubricated finger pressed deep within Jun, forehead pinched with concentration as he searches for Jun’s prostate, eager to make Jun lose all pretence of control and dignity. Soft moans escape Jun, and the lust-filled haze descends upon them at a rate far slower than their first night together, but with no less intensity as Sho takes his time to press the pads of his fingers against Jun’s inner walls, taking his time.  
  
Sho seems perfectly satisfied with having Jun twitching and panting against the sheets, but Jun is not – after a while, his hands twitch for Sho (or is it Red, Jun keeps confusing the two even though he knows they are the same), looking for something warmer and more intimate to dig his nails into. Whining, Jun reaches out for Sho, and sighs when Sho shifts his position to brace his free hand besides Jun’s head. The new position allows Jun to twine his fingers into Sho’s hair, and press deliberate, desperate kisses against Sho’s lips and jawbone.  
  
“Can I add another…?” The question is soft, but Jun growls, winding a leg around Sho’s torso and _pulling,_ eyes dark with obvious impatience.  
  
“Don’t ask and just d—” Jun moans softly at the insertion of two fingers, pressing deliberately hard against his sensitive prostate. Sho is being so overly patient, but Jun is not sure if that is what he wants, really. His heart thrums loudly in his chest at the show of attention, as though Sho is trying to take his time to savour Jun, but this isn’t the last time they will be having sex, anyway. There is no longer a fear of either parties disappearing at the end of this.  
  
Reverence and languidness can wait for the morning, when they are both sleepy and curious. Now, Jun just _wants._  
  
He clutches at Sho’s shoulders, and Jun’s neck strains when he brings his mouth close to Sho’s ear, and moans in time to the sensation of fingers twisting within him. “Just fuck me already. I’ve been waiting for so long for you, Sho. You can take your time in the morning.”  
  
Sho stills, and Jun wonders for a moment, frightened, if he has made a mistake. But then Sho resumes his preparation, twisting and scissoring his fingers more insistently within Jun and inciting a cry from Jun. “That’s a promise, then.” Sho teases, and Jun only finds enough focus to nod his head in hazy pleasure.  
  
There is an overwhelming amount of relief accompanying the nostalgic fullness that is Sho when he finally slides into the hilt in a slow, smooth motion. Jun’s moans turn into a soft babble of Sho’s name mixed with curses, fingers scratching the toned pectoral muscles and pinching Sho’s nipples in response to the unforgivingly slow pace Sho insists on taking. Jun wants more – he wants to feel the ache in the morning, just as he felt it after their first night together, albeit without the injuries to his back. “F-faster. Faster, Sho.”  
  
“What happened to staying quiet?” Sho grunts, but does not give into Jun’s demand, much to Jun’s frustration. His hands are wrapped around Jun’s ankles from where they are splayed out beside them, and their subtle tightening when Jun intentionally groans loudly gives away Sho’s excitement. “Neighbours, was it?”  
  
Jun does not bother to grace the tease with an answer. Or rather, he cannot, not when Sho is filling him up so perfectly and pressing at all the perfect spots, a hand sliding down the length of his calf to caress all the dark moles that dot the pale skin. The unhurried pace is delicious, but not enough, especially when Jun just wants Sho to take him so hard that he can no longer control his own mental faculties.  
  
_Ah._ Jun bites his lip, and feels the manner Sho’s hips stutter to a stop, and sees his pupils dilating until his irises are mere thin bands. Did Jun say that last bit aloud?  
  
Jun licks his lips, and flutters his eyelids slightly as he whispers, “Please?”  
  
Jun nearly complains when Sho pulls out entirely, but the words turn into a loud shout when Sho suddenly turns Jun over to his side, and _thrusts_ in with a hard jerk of his hips. The position is new, and slightly awkward, but then Sho seizes Jun’s thigh and presses it against his hard chest, and Jun _melts_ at the adjusted angle. Sho is pressing at all the right spots, and when he starts a fast, hard pace, Jun nearly regrets his wish.  
  
_Nearly._  
  
Jun basks in the way his breaths come out in sharp stutters, pleasure so overwhelming to the point where he can only writhe uncontrollably on the bed, fingers tugging at the fitted sheets and eyes rolling at the cresting pleasure. When he forces himself to look at Sho, Jun doesn’t know if it’s the sight of Sho, as _Sho,_ taking him as Jun wished for him to do so that makes him tear up, or the flood of sensations that incite the tears.  
  
_Red. Sho._  
  
“ _Red._ ” Jun whispers brokenly, and he closes his eyes, feverishly shaking from the deluge of emotions that sweep over him. Jun has wanted this for so long – someone who wanted him, to make him feel _wanted_ and _loved._ It does not matter if they fucked today or not; Jun would have been satisfied with being able to sleep with the knowledge that he found Red. But having this, to drown in the inundated depths of his senses and knowing that it is _RedSho_ that is doing it to him, makes Jun buoyant in barely repressed happiness.  
  
“You’re beautiful like this,” Sho growls softly, but does not slow down, _taking_ Jun for all that Jun wishes to give. His palms are sweaty from where they are holding Jun’s thigh tightly, as is the rest of his skin, but there is no fear nor hesitancy when he wraps his other hand around Jun’s weeping erection, and _pulls._ “Open. Warm. _Mine.”_  
  
“ _Red._ ” Jun repeats, loudly, an uncontrolled shout of surprise, of feeling _too much_ when there is already enough for him to feel. The nickname slips out instead of ‘Sho’, but Jun knows that _Sho knows_ that he expresses nothing but love and sincerity when he addresses Sho in that manner. There is no confusion: Red and Sho are the same person, the same man who rescued him from drowning in Wonderland, but also the one that is currently drowning him in pleasure. “Too much.” Jun whimpers.  
  
“I know.” Sho’s reply is strained, but he only pumps Jun’s erection faster, thrusts growing progressively unsteady and irregular. “But it’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”  
  
Jun nods, and shuts his eyes, yelling when Sho twists his wrist and leans down, bending Jun to a position that should be uncomfortable, but is instead comforting and _perfect_ in the way it makes Jun feel trapped. Sho’s grunts are hot and damp next to Jun’s ear, and Jun _shakes,_ toes curling and fingers twitching uncontrollably when Sho whispers huskily, “Let it drown you, Jun.”  
  
And Jun gives in, letting himself be swept away by sexual pleasure and coming in hot spurts into Sho’s hand. White fireworks bloom in his vision, vignette growing from the edges, but Jun knows that it is okay if he drowns – he knows that Sho will catch him, no matter what. And Sho does catch him; he holds Jun close as Jun tries – and fails – to muffle his screams into Sho’s collarbone, limbs and body trembling from the overload of sensations crashing onto him.  
  
When Jun comes to, he feels achy, but aroused as he recognizes the hot hardness that is Sho still pressed deep within him, unmoving. Sho has arranged him onto his back, and remains immobile as Sho watches Jun’s expression, dark eyes filled with concern and adoration.  
  
“Okay?” Sho rasps, body tensing momentarily when Jun wiggles slightly and clenches around his cock teasingly. If Jun could purr, he would have done so, curling his hands around Sho’s neck and wrapping his legs around Sho’s hips to pull him closer. He is a little oversensitive, but Jun wants Sho to come too.  
  
Lightly nibbling Sho’s lip, Jun gently squeezes Sho’s torso with his legs, and cajoles, “I’m fine. Move.”  
  
“I don’t want to hurt yo—”  
  
“You won’t.” Jun presses, and intentionally clenches around Sho again. He relishes the sharp groan the action drags from Sho, and mewls when Sho bucks instinctively into the tight heat, Jun’s spent cock twitching weakly between their bodies. “Take what you need.”  
  
Sho exhales heavily, forehead shining with sweat as he sinks down on top of Jun’s body, their damp skin sliding slightly against each other. He makes sure not to put too much of his weight on Jun’s body, but Jun shifts to wrap his arms around Sho’s chest and pulls him closer anyway, only huffing slightly at the added weight.  
  
It is Jun’s turn to hold Sho tight as Sho undulates his hips in fast, rapid thrusts, groans and grunts muffled into Jun’s shoulder. There is something desperate in the manner he takes Jun, like a puppy long-starved of affection, but Jun doesn’t mind, even if it starts to hurt a bit. He simply closes his eyes, and strokes Sho’s hair comfortingly through his completion.  
  
This is fair – this is reciprocation. If Sho can rescue him, Jun can save Sho as well.  
  
++  
The sunrise casts an orange glow over Sho’s living room, the north-facing window allowing for only a fraction of the morning rays to enter and illuminate the room. It will be equally pretty during sunset, Jun muses, but decides that it is too cold to step outside for a better look right now. Instead, he stands just before one of the tall glass windows, clad in the shirt he wore last night, unbuttoned, and watches in the comfort of the sun-warmed room.  
  
Roppongi looks different in the morning, quiet and only just falling asleep. It looks more active at night, when the headlamps of traffic illuminate its cityscape; at dawn, Jun cannot see the activity from the height of Sho’s apartment, and everything seems peaceful. There is a sense of dissonance as Jun stares nonchalantly at tall buildings. _How strange,_ Jun thinks, _it is Roppongi._  
  
Tokyo.  
  
Less than 2 days ago, Jun would’ve never expected to be standing in the apartment of Red (or Sho), watching the sunrise after an intense ‘reunion’. But here he is, and while he is currently alone, Jun knows that he isn’t truly alone. He takes waking up next to Sho as proof, the phantom sensation of Sho’s heavy warmth pressed against to his side still lingering on his skin.  
  
Truthfully, there is no reason for Jun to be awake at this time, especially on a weekend, but Jun found it impossible to go back to sleep when he saw Sho’s sleeping face: Vulnerable, peaceful, and especially cute when he snuffled in his sleep, and squirmed towards Jun’s side when Jun shifted slightly. It is not a face Jun thought he would ever see on Red, who has always been confident and headstrong in Wonderland, but the thought makes Jun happy, that he has the opportunity to share such intimacy with Sho.  
  
Heavy arms suddenly wrap themselves around Jun’s chest and arms, imprisoning him in their possessive grip. Jun isn’t even startled anymore, tilting his head slightly to nuzzle against the messy hair that belongs to Sho, who rests his chin on Jun’s shoulder and sleepily hums.  
  
“It’s early.” Sho’s voice is husky and unusually deep with sleep, and something in Jun’s lower regions jolt at the memory the sound incites – of teasing, explorative kisses and low groans…  
  
Jun smirks at the obvious hardness pressing against his hip, but makes no mention of it. Instead, he lifts a hand to lightly stroke Sho’s arm. “It’s not that early.”  
  
“It’s early for a weekend, and after our late night.”  
  
“Your apartment has such a beautiful view of the sunrise.” Jun explains simply. He likes this a lot: Standing in Sho’s apartment, Sho holding him as they watch the sun rise. “I haven’t seen a sunrise in a while. It must be nice, having such a view to wake up to on some mornings.”  
  
Sho hums. His voice is reverent when he tightens his hold around Jun, squeezing gently, “I’ve never felt the need to wake up for it until now.”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“I’d wake up early to see this view – you against the morning light. Prettier than any art piece I’ve ever seen.”  
  
Jun chuckles, cheeks flushing slightly at the compliment, but his heart swells with emotion as he turns to embrace Sho properly. The kiss they trade is slow but passionate, perfect for the dawn, but Jun suspects it’s only going to grow more fervent in the next hour.  
  
“Shall we go back to bed?” Sho asks, but an inflection in his tone informs Jun that sleep is not what Sho has in mind. Jun does not answer. Instead, he twines their fingers together, and proceeds to pull Sho upstairs.  
  
++  
  
Sho’s living room has never been as elaborately decorated for Christmas and New Year before. Fairy lights have been strung along the railings of the staircase, and lights turned on but half-dimmed to bathe the room in a homey but festive light.  
  
Jun’s bonsai sits on the low table nearest to the wide windows, next to its designated water spray.  
  
The usually quiet apartment is for once, noisy. Of course, Christmas isn’t an official holiday celebrated in Japan, but for today, their party is held mainly to celebrate Aiba’s birthday, then the holidays. Blankets have been dragged from upstairs to make the living room cozier, but it is perhaps the first time the apartment has been filled with so much life since Sho moved in.  
  
A small figure is curled up on the couch, eyes glued to a small electronic screen while he mashes buttons eagerly in quick succession. Next to him, a fishing magazine sits atop the chest of a sleeping Ohno, and Aiba is entertaining himself at the kitchen counter, unable to keep still despite Jun’s warnings that he will fall off if he persists with fidgeting on the bar seat.  
  
“But it’s so exciting. It’s rarely like this, you know – me being on the other side of a bar counter.” Aiba leans forward to rest his elbows on the counter, eyes wide with eagerness as he watches Sho roll up his sleeves up to his elbows. “Bartender Sakurai. Long time no see.”  
  
Sho subtly rolls his eyes and glances at Jun, who is currently boiling a large pot of pasta for the party of 5. Aiba doesn’t miss the way Sho’s eyes turn warm with affection when their eyes meet, and an overwhelming sense of relief washes over Aiba. It has been so long since Sho has smiled like that to anyone, not even to his close friends.  
  
“Well I’m hardly going to put you three to work on your birthday party, Aiba,” Sho comments blithely as he reaches for the alcohol cabinet. “This is also my way of thanks for all your hard work this year.”  
  
“Aw, come on, Sho. You just want to show off your bartending skills to Jun. Just say so already.” Nino interrupts from the living room. Sho doesn’t respond to the jibe, instead widening his eyes playfully and pointing innocently at his chest. Next to him, Jun perks up, eyes curious and deliberately raking across Sho's bared arms in appreciation.  
  
“You didn’t mention that skill to me.” Jun frowns, and drains the pasta in the sink behind him. “Everyone here has bartending experience, I see.”  
  
Aiba waves his hand placatingly. “We both took the same bartending classes in university. He makes an excellent Irish Coffee, if you don’t mind him replacing the cognac with whiskey. The instructor always preferred his drinks to mine. I never understood why.”  
  
“That’s because I didn’t add weird things like ponzu and apple sauce into a cocktail that was meant to be a Negroni.” Sho sighs, and Aiba pouts when Nino makes a sound of agreement.  
 _Traitor._  
Sighing, Aiba pouts and impatiently taps his hand on the counter, “Celebratory drink then? I haven’t had one of your cocktails for years now.”  
  
“Nothing too heavy until after dinner.” Jun points out when Sho retrieves a Suntory whiskey bottle and prepares 5 shot glasses.   
Aiba giggles at the stare-off Sho and Jun share, one that is only broken by Nino coming closer and dragging a sleepy Ohno along with him, though Jun continues:  
“No drunkards at the table until my roast beef pasta is eaten, Sho.”  
  
“Maybe you should have given Jun shots before we came here.”  
  
“I’m sure Sho gave him shots of something else before this.” Ohno blearily comments after Nino.  
  
Jun gapes mid-carve of the roast beef, and the other three burst out in laughter at the inappropriateness of the comment. Nino’s laughter turns into a fake-gag when Sho wraps an arm around Jun’s waist to press a swift kiss to his cheek, but Aiba can barely stop himself from grinning widely at the scene.  
  
“You’re getting less roast beef, Ohno.” Jun mumbles, cheeks pink.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’ll give you half of mine.” Nino adds quickly, only to earn a withering glare from both Sho and Jun.  
  
“You’re already a twig! You’re eating everything.”  
  
“Aiba-shi, make our parents stooooop.”  
  
“We’re not your parents!”  
  
Aiba reaches for the whiskey bottle on his own, pouring himself a small amount and downing it before the bickering trio can notice. Ohno gives him a secretive, albeit drowsy smile, and nods in thanks when Aiba tops up the shot glass and discreetly slides it over to him.  
  
Things are going to be a lot better from now on.   
  
**[FIN]  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story notes:  
>   
> \- The title of this fic, A Higher Place, is inspired by the song of the same title by Adam Levine, from the movie 'Begin Again'. It is what sort of inspired this piece, and the lyrics apply greatly to what I intended the fic to mean. Check it out if you're keen to have a listen ^^ Here's a link: [A Higher Place.](https://youtu.be/Gcf2FZoeETE)
> 
> \- The playlist to which I wanted to match the 'feel' of this fic to, however, includes: Monochrome, Circus, Spiral, Love Parade, Dance in the Dark, Paradox, Sugar and Salt. (Arashi)
> 
> \- The chapter titles come from the 8 lines of the poem, 'How Doth the Little Crocodile' found in 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland'. It refers to deception, of a crocodile inviting fishes into its jaws and devouring them (implied). A bit like how Jun was lured into Wonderland - or at least, that was the intention :3
> 
> \- Got questions? Don't know the answer? Curious about all the unanswered bits? Don't worry - I'm sure Jun felt the same way too :3 And guess what, some things don't have a fixed answer anyway *winks* Power of imagination, y'all.
> 
> \- There is masterpost with all the chapter art and an illustrated map of Wonderland **[here](https://cielmelodies.dreamwidth.org/35511.html)**. For the benefit of the last chapter, however, I will end the fic with this:
> 
>   
>  Thank you for reading! <3  
>  


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